Category Archives: conspiracy

Malevolent Meerkat Conspiracy Caught on Video

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Long have we at the ol’ raincoaster blog known of the subtle, nefarious schemes of the meerkat conspiracy. The sadistic subjugation they plan for us would make servitude to the Great Old Ones look like a vacation on the Riviera, yet humans persist in thinking them harmless. Now, finally, we have proof that the meerkat anti-fairy forces are no myth, but instead a strong and active military force boasting snipers of cruel and relentless efficiency.

Click, and watch a little something I call The Death of Glinda:

Thank god fairies have nine lives, and Glinda made a full recovery.

Meerkats. Cutesy little standy-uppy weasel lookin’ bastards. Never take your eyes off those motherfuckers.

This is a Blogathon post. Don’t just sit there, SPONSOR ME!

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Fairy Evidence Discovered!

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Yes, Virginia, fairies do exist.

This is a controversial issue we’ve covered frequently in the past. You will note the comments of the doubters; never supplying a single shred of evidence to support their theory, they deal in third-hand rumours and blatant pig-headedness to support their outrageous hypothesis that fairies are imaginary. It’s a scandal that so-called “rationalists” could indulge in unsubstantiated rumour-mongering of this nature.

Do you think Shakespeare, who wrote about Julius Caesar and the dubious merits of Scottish hosts, would make shit up? Do ya, punk?

Now, from TackyRaccoons, comes clear photographic proof of the existence of these delightful sprites. Polaroids, as everyone knows, cannot be faked.

Fairy Evidence Photo

Not only do we now have real proof that they exist, but we are beginning to understand how they reproduce. In this comment I suggested an hypothesis of fairy generation, and not long after that pictoral evidence surfaced to support my theory that they were not gestated in banal fashion like so many mortals, but instead crawled out from between the petals on the undersides of mushrooms. And here is the picture that proves it.

Fairy Ring Evidence

Case? Closed!

why drupal is so hard

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Chrupal

Hmmm, malevolent, mindless, powerful beyond the ken of mortals, gibbering incoherently in a lightless vortex of space and time…yeah, that explains a lot, actually!

Eavesdropping at the Ovaltine

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The Ovaltine, yoSee, this is why I need a laptop. So I don’t have to snarf the last half of my meal and RUN home, desperately trying not to jostle my brain and let all the golden eavesdrops fall out.

More or less verbatim, heard from my perch on the highly prestigious “booth side” of the Ovaltine, coming from the less-prestigious but more collegial Stud Row otherwise known as the “counter side” where all the old men sit.

In an unmistakably Black American voice:

Seventy-three years old. SEVENTY-THREE YEARS OLD! Know what they told me? They told me I have Diabetes. DIABETES! I need diabetes at seventy-three. I need it like I need a hole in the head. I’m gonna die anyway, hell, I’ve been dead for years. Been through four wars, got two bullets in my back. I died twice! Saw the lights and everything. A white South African brought me back last time, which just goes to show.

What? It shows you!

I was in four wars. I was in Vietnam. I was in Vietnam twice. It started back in the 1800’s. The south part of Vietnam is 98% Buddhist. 2% Catholic. The Catholics tried to take over the country.

God? God didn’t have nuthing to do with it. God? What’s God? I’ll tell you. I’ll TELL you what God is.

God is a crazy old white woman!

What wars was I in? I was in Vietnam. I was a Canadian sergeant in Vietnam, I knew who my friends were. I’ll tell you that. I knew. I was in the dirty war in the Congo in… what? … 66. In 66 I was in the dirty war in the Congo. Died there. And I was in the dirty war in Brazil.

I’m a career soldier. Seventy-three years old. I got one foot in the grave and diabetes.
The highly prestigious booth side
Halifax? Hey, no – why would I want to go to Halifax? My people were black Loyalists, we came to this country in 1776. We’ve never been slaves. My mother was a Jew. If your mother’s a Jew, you’re a Jew. It don’t matter who your daddy is. Everyone knows who mama is. Nobody knows for sure who Papa is. It’s smart. I was born in Labrador City. Moved to Montreal when I was eight. I was a bad boy, so my mother sent me off to Chicago to live with my uncle. I was so bad, they gave me a choice of join the army or go to prison, so I joined the army.

I’m the worst kind. A career soldier. Seventy-three years old.

Montreal? MontREAL? No Halifax, I’ve never been to Halifax. Why would I go there? Why would anyone want to go to Halifax. No jobs, no people, no nothing. No, I’m from Montreal.

Ever seen the Fleur de Lis? You know what that is? It’s got six points. It’s the Star of David! I’m telling you, it’s the Star of David. Six points. Count ’em. Three up and thrThe O, yo!ee down. Star of David.

Cuz the first kings of France, they were Mary Magdalene’s people. A Tribe of Israel. They were Jews. So that’s the Fleur de Lis. The Star of David.

Wouldn’t it be something if the coalition government was headed up by the head of the Bloc? That would be something!

Seventy-three years old! I’ve been dead for years.

LA ICE: shovelling the snowbacks back

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This is remarkable video of one of LA’s most secretive police units, ICE: Illegal Canadian Enforcement. They sweep the streets clean of Canuckistani invaders, tipped off by nothing more than a glimpse of an NHL jersey, a whiff of maple syrup, or just a whistled bar of “Snowbird.”

Fear them.

Stolen from EvilBeet