mouldy oldies: why did the chicken cross the road

Subservient Chicken crosses the road if you tell her to!

Stolen from the Silliness.org blog, which got it from god-knows-where, same place we all got it from: the email hole.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSAIN (this used to be Hitler, then Qadaffi)
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossing the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just released chicken 99, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of chicken.

EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

GEORGE W. BUSH
I don’t think I should have to answer that question.

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious?
Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what “they” call it, the “other side”.
Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.” That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the “black man” in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?

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Baiji Dolphin: only MOSTLY extinct

Yes, as with all news coming out of China, it seems that the news the baiji, or Yangtze River, dolphin was extinct is highly unreliable. Yes, these rumours of its death are greatly exaggerated.

…a local businessman in Tongling City in east China’s Anhui Province filmed “a big white animal” with his digital camera on August 19. The footage was later confirmed to be the Baiji by Prof. Wang Ding, a leading scientist in Baiji study at the Institute of Hydrobiology of the Chinese Academy of Sciences.

Still, as the YouTube commenter says, I’ll bet five bucks it’ll be on a restaurant platter in Beijing two weeks.

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quiz: what breakfast are you

Oooh, this doesn’t sound good. I saw Star Trek: the Next Improvisation by Vancouver Theatresports, and I’m pretty sure that’s what they say to the redshirt Ensign Toast just before the Klingons fire.


You Are Toast


Old fashioned and a bit of a homebody, you totally go for comfort food.

You’re the type who loves to cook for friends, and they love you for it.

You truly know what tastes good, and you can often pick out the best dish at a restaurant.

You don’t fall for food trends. You stick with what’s been food for a long time!

What Kind of Breakfast Are You?

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hot or not: rate my flag

 

IAO original logo, yo

Well, not my flag, per se, because being territorial yet impecunious means that I have not yet seized a mountain fortress, nor a tropical island lair. But as soon as I do, I’ll send out an email blast and invite for the opening, which will be my long-delayed and fondly anticipated Freaky Tiki goth/tiki party. The flag, of course, will feature the logo of the Total Information Awareness Project of the Department of Homeland Security, as all Operation Global Media Domination graphics must.

In the meantime, click this link and go make fun of the wallflower-quality flags of Liechtenstein and the Isle of Man. Be sure to check out the link to Historical Facts about each, courtesy of the CIA, and to see how many people agreed with you, because it is so, so important never to swim against the current.

Also: WordPress bloggers and all advocates of freedom, please vote Turkey down!

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Cock Puppets: NSFW or language police

There’s a sexist extended (!) metaphor to be made here, but I’m just too lazy. Help yourselves. Also: see what I did there?

Oh, and: NSFW. Duh.

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