Category Archives: Dating

Lord Krishna and the Milkmaids

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From the Archive
                  Wednesday, January 07, 2004

Krishna and the milkmaids

I read The Life of Pi recently, and loved it, but one story in particular has struck me. It just perfectly parallels one of the ongoing Inet dramas around. So here is the story.

                  Lord Krishna was a little bored with hanging out his usual haunts, being godlike, so he brainstormed and thought now what would be really, really different from being a god? I KNOW!
                  Being a cowherd! and indeed, it is hard to disagree, so being Krishna and all, he just went ahead and turned himself into a cowherd. Nowadays I’m sure he’d just go into a chat room and try to be cowherd like, but that was back then, okay?

                  So the god Krishna was a cowherd. Bully for him. Now, there wasn’t much to do as a cowherd. Watch the cows, sure, but you would not believe how fast that gets tired. And back then they had no honky-tonk bars. So what did Krishna do? Well Krishna, like many gods, has a sharp eye for a curvy mortal. What do cows have in terms of support staff, other than cowherds? They have milkmaids, my dear. And these were some good-looking milkmaids, too. And horny. And Krishna was like WooHoo!!! PARTY!!!

                  Every night he would sign on…I mean go out to the woods and dance with the milkmaids. He was a god, there was enough of him to go around. His abundance was such that there was enough of him to dance with all the milkmaids at once, and they were happy and Krishna was having a blast. This state of affairs continued for quite some time, and Krishna was by far the most popular cowherd around, rumours about his background notwithstanding, I think it was the dancing that made him so popular. But then, one night as the dance reached its height each girl felt, in her heart of hearts, as if he were dancing with her and her alone.

     At that moment, he vanished forever.

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quiz: which fucking stupid goddam candy heart are you, and what’s it to YOU if I am?

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No comment. NO fucking comment. Thanks, Stiletto Girl; thanks for nothing.


Your Candy Heart Says “Get Real”


You’re a bit of a cynic when it comes to love.You don’t lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart.

Your ideal Valentine’s Day date: is all about the person you’re seeing (with no mentions of v-day!)

Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic

What turns you off: romantic expectations and “greeting card” holidays

Why you’re hot: you don’t just play hard to get – you are hard to get

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

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melon baller!

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No wonder it has no name; click to enlarge if you dare!Sometimes you run across evidence of another person’s sex life on the internet and you think:

  1. Wow. I guess I’m normal then.
  2. Wow. No wonder he’s got no life.
  3. Wow. Just: Wow.

I’m not sure if DefrostIndoors who passed this along to me wants her name, or even her alias, associated with this. I have no need to know how she stumbled across this. I have no urge to know how she stumbled across this. Really, I’m just going to assume she was trying to find a new kitchen utensil when she ran across the innovative, yet pathetic and disgusting…

Melon Baller!

“Ok i’ve had the melons since yesterday. Cost me about $5 for two of them. Now how do i carve the hole? I don’t want to make it too big.”

“oh yeah another thing i heated it up 2 minutes already and the inside is still hard. well it’s finally hot, but still hard. look’s like the melon’s not up for anything tonight. lol…” 

Big melon ballin! The after shot!Also, all that BlueBomber says is they got this off a forum and if you know anything about forums, you’ll know that you neither need nor want additional information. And yes, that’s where the pictures came from. You have just viewed fruit porn! I suppose these are NSFW if you work in the produce section. Paging Chad Vader! But do go to the site for more on the aftermath. I bet he didn’t even call the next morning!

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Donnie Davies: the dream is over

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 Joey Oglesby/Donnie Davies?

So it is over.

Or is it? Can these unconfirmed internet natterings really be the truth? Can Donnie Davies, merciless scourge of teh gheys and flaming beacon of Fundie righteousness, actually be nothing less than the fiendish creation of the devious and twisted mind of some underemployed and presumably oversexed Dallas musical theatre artiste?

But we can’t be too hard on Joey Oglesby. Haven’t we all gone deep inside ourselves and spent many a happy hour inventing the man of our dreams? Donnie Davies, pink-shirted paragon, international Internet sensation, a man with a sweet way with a musical and a six-string woody, and flaming brand of Christian uprightness, is quite a catch by any measure. And it wouldn’t be the first time some internet guy ended up with nothing more than an imaginary friend.

Donnie if you’re still out there somewhere: We’ll always have the comments section.

Actor Joey Oglesby pawed Serber as a football player in Debbie and gets to do it again as one of the dancing Aggies visiting the Best Little Whorehouse. When director Lemons told Oglesby he’d be wearing a jockstrap, and little else, for one of the numbers, the actor headed for the gym. “I have my 10-year high school reunion coming up, too, so I guess that’s a good thing,” he says. “I’ve never been opposed to taking off my clothes for laughs.”

A Baylor grad who’s also part of the Second Thought Theatre company, Oglesby says his Southern Baptist parents are “pretty open-minded” but refused to see Debbie Does Dallas, which was several notches raunchier than Whorehouse.

Maybe best not to tell them, or Zindler, who’s still on the air at Houston’s ABC station, that CTD occupies a two-story building off Lower Greenville Avenue that formerly served as a house of worship.

Says Sue Loncar, “Yep, we’ve put the hos in church. We’re probably all going to hell for that.”

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Donnie Davies responds to the h8erz

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The right reverend Donnie Davies responds to the bitter apostates who’ve stuffed his email and his comments sections with so much haterade over the past few days. There’s only one punchline in this video, but it’s golden, trust me.

For the original video, click here. For updates, click here and here.

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