save Britney’s sex tape!

Britney Spears

In the realm of celebrity myths, some inspire more fervent belief than others. No-one really believes that Michael Jackson was black or human once, for instance. But a great many fans have a passionate interest and zealous, if somewhat sweaty, belief in the existence of the mythical Britney Spears/Kevin Federline sex tape.

A mythical sex tape we have covered before at the ol’ raincoaster blog.

But, good people, there’s more to the story than what we wrote there.

Far more.

Rumours surfaced that the former KFed (now known as Fed-Ex) had a copy of the tape, and was threatening to release it unless bought off with millions of dollars and custody of their two children, Tater Tot and Federletus 2.0.

That’s where you come in.

Yes, fans, the spotless reputation of your idol, Ms. Britney Spears, simple Southern gal, single mom, and salt of the Earth (or at least one of those white powders, of one of the planets, maybe Venus) depends upon you. Play this delightful flash game and catch all the sex tapes Federline can throw before they reach the paparazzi.

Play the Britney Flash game.

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dick will make you slap somebody

And we’re not talking Cheney.

This is public access tv host Alexyss K. Tylor discussing vagina power and penis addiction with her mother.

Seriously, would YOU talk to your mother like that? If I did, my mother would take notes!

Uh, this is really, really NSFW. Duh.

Lessons learned in this episode:
(Read AFTER you watch the video!)

– If the man ain’t comin’, he gonna be goin’ somewhere else, puttin’ his penis in someone else.

– A lot of women will laugh and talk about a man if his penis is small.

– Just because a man is in love with your vagina doesn’t mean he’s in love with you.

– A lot of us get caught up on the dick.

– Dick will make you slap somebody.

– The penis is a heat-seeking missile, like a rocket. Information is encoded in it making it do what it do.

– Men launch their penis up in the vaginal canal. As a woman relaxes and breathes and sits on that penis and rock and move and rotate and find her rhythm and go up and down and back and forth and around in a circle, she starts getting her groove back.

– When the parts of penis hit them vagina walls, harmonizing and making them sing, a woman feels like she’s in church jumping and shouting.

– Dick’ll make you lose control.

Well, he will if you ask him nicely. And then you can slap him; he likes it that way.

But seriously, what kinda church does this woman go to? I think I saw an Emmanuelle movie like that once…

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sumo-screamin’ smackdown!

If you’ve ever made pathetic “he’s got a good set of lungs!” excuses for your unstoppably-squalling infant, you’ll enjoy this: Japanprobe reports on the annual Baby-Cry Sumo Contest.

Too late to enter for this year, but should you be currently pregnant and your gene pool blessed with good lungs and bad tempers, you might want to put the fetoid down for next year’s contest.

Sumo Screamin' Babies!

OMFG, that guy’s legpit has a double chin. What do you have to do to get the grownups to put some pants on?

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I don’t see what’s so funny

I'm blogging this, bytches

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yoga @ home, the comic book

It’s random out there. It’s dark, and it’s stormy. And it’s a little weird, especially when it gets earnest.

Sometimes one simply stumbles across a random tentacle twitchingly thrust out by the internets and one knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that this is the blog-filler for which one has been searching.

Ladies, gentlemen, and the undecided:

Yoga at Home

Uh, what are you doing down there, son? 

Handy-dandy tips in Desi comic book form for integrating old-skool yoga into one’s daily life: everything from how to rinse out your sinuses by snorting hot, salty water, to how to maintain order and protect your karma on the playground. You and your clot-ridden sinuses will wonder how you ever lived without it. Praise and flexibility be unto the Yoga Institute of Santa Cruz, Mumbai.

Until the beginning of this century there was an impression that yoga was meant only for yogis and not for householders. Shri Yogendraji, the founder of the Yoga Institute, himself a householder yogi, exploded this myth and trained thousands of men and women in the practice of Yoga.

As this century is stepping into its twilight years there is a growing awareness that the family is the bedrock of personal growth. Members of a family, be they parents or children draw inspiration, strength and faith from the family as a whole. Yoga at Home will help to have light perception and strength family bonds.

Also available in Gujarati.

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