things I was too young to notice at the time #1

Josie and the Pussycats were riding around in a giant vibrator.

No, check it out; either that is an enormous vibrator or it’s the world’s largest bottle of Pierre Cardin. Seriously, the only reason I was able to watch this show, I’m sure, is that my parents didn’t get up until nine on the weekends.

Also, is this what they had before shark-jumping? Going into outer space and getting a Twee, Useless Sidekick? So, Bush has got Matt “Dirty” Sanchez; now, what can we do about shooting him into space?

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quiz: which Narnia character are you?

I would just like to point out that I scored just as high in Aslanishness as in Edmundification, for reference and so there, nyeah.

You scored as Edmund Pevensie. You are Edmund Pevensie. You are always getting into trouble and have a taste for “sweeties.” You care for animals, sometimes more than your family, and dislike criticism and bossiness. You can be very sarcastic and sometimes mean. Although your priorities shift, your heart ends up in the right place.

Aslan
90%
Edmund Pevensie
90%
Peter Pevensie
80%
Lucy Pevensie
75%
Jadis, The White Witch
65%
Susan Pevensie
50%

Which “Narnia” character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

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now it can be told: Howard K Stern admits his sperm is useless

Gleesome Threesome?and Larry Birkhead‘s is better.

Howard K. Stern has reportedly admitted he’s not the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter Dannielynn and is now willing to sign over the paternity rights to the man who believes he is the baby’s real dad, Larry Birkhead for the right price.

Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is a full-service lawyer. Not only will he be your beard, your bagman, and your drug runner, but he’ll also park custody of your kid until such time as the economics of the situation have been resolved to his professional satisfaction.

I do not know and can not say whether Howard K Stern and Anna Nicole Smith ever had sex, but I think we can all agree that he has certainly fucked Larry and Dannielynn over royally.

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Please Mr Prime Minister…

Please Mr Prime Minister

That is a letter from a nine-year-old Canadian boy named Kevin, who is being held without bail and without charges in the T. Don Hutto Family Detention Center in central Texas.

The Globe and Mail has the report (via Fark):

…“My biggest wish is to go to Canada and be free, to go to my school, go for my books,” Kevin said, his father’s voice audible in the background.

“I want to be safe with me and my parents, and see my teachers and my friends again…”

Majid and Masomeh — they prefer their last name not be used — initially fled Iran for Canada in January, 1995, to seek political asylum. Majid did odd jobs, eventually becoming manager of an east Toronto pizza parlour, paying the rent for their one-bedroom apartment.

In 1997, their only son, Kevin, was born. “For the first time, I was happy,” Majid said from the Hutto detention facility.

“I had my family with me — it’s the only family I have — we didn’t have any problems and we lived happy in Toronto.”

That changed when their refugee claim was denied, after ten years in Canada; deported back to Iran, Majid was beaten, tortured and imprisoned (which you’d think would make convincing enough evidence that, in Iran, he’d be subject to beatings, torture and imprisonment, but that’s another matter entirely…moving on…). Escaping again through the help of people smugglers, the family was on their way back to Toronto bearing false Greek passports when a fellow passenger suffered a heart attack and the plane was forced to land in Puerto Rico.

Because Greek passport-bearers need a visa to enter the US, the family was shipped off to imprisonment in Texas. Even had the passports been legitimate, this would have been their fate, according to US officials, although really one has to wonder if they’ve detained many blond, blue-eyed people lacking the proper visas…

Next time you get on a plane, make sure to amuse yourself and your fellow passengers by giving out free ECG tests in the waiting area. Don’t take chances.

More of Kevin‘s letters are in this Globe and Mail slideshow.

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over Anna Nicole’s dead body: hawt Howard K Stern and Larry Birkhead slash!

Anna Nicole Smith Larry Birkenhead Howard K SternYep, this story has officially jumped the shark. From Defamer comes the prescription drug and Slim Fast buzz busting news that some twisted and damned soul out there has taken it upon his/her/its self to serve the needs of the golddigging babydaddy porn community and produce this little masterpiece(of shit).

Enjoy?

Howard K. Stern kept staring at lLarry until Larry became very
uncomfortable.  “What are you looking at, punkhead?” Larry yelled out
towards Howard’s direction.  “I am looking at a man I would llove to see
naked,” Howard answered aggressively.  Larry thought Howard was joking so he
made no further comment.

Howard added, “So, what do you say?  Like to strip for me, loverboy?  I bet
I am bigger than you?”  Larry felt challenged, even though he was the
shorter of the two.

“I am bigger than you,” Larry churped.

Yes, it really is shocking. Stuff like that should never be posted to the internet; this was just completely irresponsible and offensive and there is no excuse for it. Someone should be arrested!

For the spelling.

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