cheddarvision!

We know what it’s like. It’s two in the morning, your hand won’t let go of the remote, and your innate optimism is driving you to click past yet another NADs commercial, whispering there must be something good on, there must be something good on…and so dawn finds you, bleary yet hopeful, thumb numb, clicking onward in search of the one interesting show that has to be out there.

Allow me.

Ladies, gentlemen, and undecided, we present the one channel on which you can all depend. No, not the Yule Log.

Cheddarvision!!!

Available 24/7, Cheddarvision never disappoints. Like Fox News or state channel of a banana republic, you always know what you’re going to get: a wheel of cheddar, slowly ageing on a shelf in realtime. If you’ve ever thought that Watch the Grass Grow cam was too fast-paced, if you’ve ever thought that watching slo-mo replays of golf got you too riled up before naptime, if you’re the kind who eschews cough syrup because you might get a wicked high, then this is the channel for you. Watching a wheel of cheddar age has got to be more interesting than the gossip around the canasta table in the ward lounge.

If not, email me. I love a good canasta tale.

fanboy fave Brian Atene on the set of Star Wars: the Empire Strikes Back

What can be said about Brian Atene that hasn’t been said already, probably by himself?

Well he’s BACK, ladies and gentlemen, and we at the ol’ raincoaster blog have got him!

In fact, we at the ol’ raincoaster blog are so behind we actually gave him to Defamer and they ran it on Monday (even though we were banned; we’re too, too kind, and as for our subsequent un-banning, let me just say that Gawker Media interns are shockingly susceptible to a properly executed tandem deployment of the Venus Butterfly and the Mars Rover and now we return you to your regularly scheduled blog), that’s how backlogged we are. But we bit the bullet and swallowed the ex-lax and unclogged the pipes and shat out the following new video from Brian Atene, just for you.

He’s on a quest: a quest to return Lando Kalrissian to his rightful place at the command of the Millennium Falcon, with faithful Chewbacca by his side. Shall we join him?

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mass murders, zeta males, and virtual life

Mark David ChapmanIn the comments section of my post on the worst school massacre in US history, I posted this:

I have been thinking, putting the profile of these mass murderers together with my theory of the popularity among so-called Zeta Males of Second Life, World of Warcraft, and other such virtual life forums. They fit very well together, but what are the effects?

Does participation in a community such as Second Life give such people (ego-driven failures, basically) enough gratification and recognition that it reduces their inclination to turn to violence in the real world?

Now that, if I say so myself, is an interesting question.

And so it is.

Let’s review a few things before we get into a discussion.

First, mass murders of the Virginia Tech and Bath Disaster proportions are generally carried out by tightly-wound, ego-driven men who would conventionally be described as failures. They have high ego but low accomplishment, and the disparity between these two drives them literally insane. They account for the difference between their self-opinion and their status by convincing themselves that various conspiracies or forces are working against them.

In Kimveer Gill’s case, he settled on bullies, although he himself had not been bullied; he essentially picked an excuse that was popular with his online peer group, who commonly complained about being bullied. In Andrew Kehoe’s case, he believed it was the School Board and the taxation system’s fault he was facing bankruptcy, ignoring the fact that his farm failed to prosper because he farmed according to his (inaccurate) theories rather than according to sound principles. In Cho Seung-Hui’s case, he blamed the rich and debauched generally, specifically stating repeatedly that the killing was their responsibility, not his.

These are Zeta Males.

Now, let’s look for a moment at the post I did about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. I discovered that, even though I have difficulty affording the basics like food and shelter (and my internet bill is three months overdue right now) I am highly self-actualized and recognized by the community. According to standard theory, this should be impossible, but obviously it isn’t. It’s because of this blog. It is because of the internet. It is because I can go online and know that I will be seen and heard and respected if I prove myself, which I know I can do in this arena. I have a record of accomplishment in the cybersphere.

This is precisely what is so attractive about Second Life. In another forum, there was a lively discussion about who joins SL, with those less sophisticated in the ways of the internet assuming that it would primarily be populated with teenagers. This immediately seemed wrong to me and, indeed, proves not to be true; it seemed obvious that Second Life was most attractive to mature people who’d failed in First Life. It’s a Zeta-being magnet, because it gives you the opportunity to hit REPLAY and live your life over, and if you don’t like the way it’s going, you hit DELETE and create a new life. This is not something that those accustomed to success would find compelling.

Now, the question becomes, does participation in online worlds fill these people’s needs for recognition and somehow bleed off the deadly pressure, or do they fail even online, thus reinforcing their destructive tendencies?

If there’s hard information out there about this, I haven’t found it. I would love to hear from psychologists tracking membership in these online forums, though, and what I am hoping to hear is that it can transform people from embittered, dangerous and irrational outsiders into something closer to a sane human being.

I want to be optimistic about this…but…

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Teeny Ted from Turnip Town: the Text

Teeny Ted from Turnip Town

Click to enlarge: if only the actual book were so easy to read!

Here, ladies and gentlemen, with the permission of the publisher Robert Chaplin, is the entire text of the smallest book ever produced, Teeny Ted from Turnip Town. The book was produced in association with nanotechnologists Dr. Li Yang and Dr. Karen L. Kavanagh from Simon Fraser University, and is so small that when you look at the plain sheet of polished silicon on which it is carved, you cannot see anything but the scratches laid down by the point of a diamond so that the electron microscope can navigate. That is the huge rut in the image above; the finest scratch visible to the naked eye. The eye does not register this thirty-page book, even as a tiny speck. It is an invisibook, unless, that is, one happens to be carrying in one’s book bag a scanning electron microscope, which possibility we at the ol’ raincoaster blog are not prepared to deny on a categorical or any other basis.  We know our readers are a tricksy bunch, yo.

Teeny Ted from Turnip Town is a tale of triumph, a story of success. Ted grows the biggest turnip; Ted wins the Biggest Turnip contest.

Ah, if only life were that simple.

Chaplin points out, rightly, that we do not know the mysterious Ted‘s back story; we don’t know if he poisoned the other turnips, if he’s obsessed with size because he’s so short, or if winning the prize won him the heart of his true love. Back story be damned! Ted grows the biggest turnip, Ted wins the contest.

End of story.

The book is available from the publisher (contact him here) in a limited edition of one hundred copies, for $20,000. As it can be read only by those who can afford to have a spare scanning electron microscope lying around, price should be no object.

Suggested additional reading: Leaf by Niggle, by JRR Tolkien.

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duelling manifestos: Michelle Malkin vs John BigBooté

As longtime raincoaster fans know, we luv us a good manifesto. Indeed, there’s no feeling so dear to our shrivelled little cardio-unit as snuggling into bed with a lovely fresh, hard-covered and blood-spattered cri de coeur from some doomed, long-dead revolutionary.

Naturally, when we stumbled across this masterwork from the Amazing Invisible Blog of Alan Smithee, we were floored. John BigBooté, after bursting onto the geopolitical scene with the immortal “Monkeyboy Rant,” had vanished, seemingly into thin air (or at least the Ninth Dimension). We recognized this manifesto from another world for what it is: a work of genius. We were so intoxicated by the fumes of glory arising therefrom that it took a little while and a blog comment from the author before we realized it was a response to yet another manifesto from famous Filipino American Anchor Baby Michelle Malkin.

So there was one to love and one to hate. The yin and the yang. The sweet and the sour. The peanut butter and the chocolate. The sinigang and the balut.

Dear Muslim Terrorist Plotter/Planner/Funder/Enabler/Apologist,

You do not know me. But I am on the lookout for you. You are my enemy. And I am yours.

I am John Doe.

I am traveling on your plane. I am riding on your train. I am at your bus stop. I am on your street. I am in your subway car. I am on your lift.

I am your neighbor. I am your customer. I am your classmate. I am your boss.

I am John Doe.

vs

Dear Monkeyboy/Black ‘Lectroid/Hong Kong Cavalier/Kolodny Brother/Radar Blazer/Yakov Smirnoff,

If you don’t know me by now, you’ll never ever ever know me. Oooooo-oooo-ooooo. I’m on a hunt I’m after you. I’m hungry like the wolf. You are my everything.

I am rubber. And you are glue.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s to be mistaken for somebody else.

I Am John BigBoote.

I am traveling to Planet 10. I am riding in the troop transport. I am in the pod ship. It’s a very bad design.

I’m driving in my car.  I turn on the radio.  Here in my car.  I feel safest of all.

I am your neighbor.  I am your customer.  I am a rock.  I am an island.  History is made at night. Character is what you are in the dark.

I Am John BigBoote.

Michelle Malkin. Is he holding a herring just off-camera?Bigboote. John BigbooteWell, which would you rather take to bed, eh?!

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