Category Archives: Harry Potter

Join the Harry Potter Challenge

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Snape-a-go-goWell, get a move on.

We have, as of this typing, exactly 29 days before the July 21st release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Cold Hallows, the seventh and allegedly final book in the Hogwartian Mythos Cycle.

Which is, should you be a speedy reader, just enough time to get through all of the previous books, particularly if you read them before. If you read them before but you were drunk, it counts as reading them for the first time, for purposes of scorekeeping in this highly competitive international competition.

And no, watching the movies does not count, especially if you mostly just fast-forwarded and rewound and replayed all the parts with Luscious Lucius Malfoy until the DVD started to burn out on you.

For bonus points, you may also read the purportedly-but-not-confirmedly-false version of HPatDH which was posted on the internet last month. And you may do so here.

So what are you waiting for? Get to work!

GET TO WORK!

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The New York Media Mafia: keeping my dreams alive

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Alan Rickman, yo! Ya wouldn’t normally a-thunkit, but the New York media establishment (or counterestablishment) whatever, the New York media hegemony (how I love that word), has today played a large part in keeping my most dearest, secretest, sweetest dreams alive, contrary to their traditionally dream-shattering ways.

They told me Alan Rickman is just as charming drunk as he is sober.

And also that he has a bit of a thing for school uniforms.

Alas! I went to a hippie school, and doubt that a Guatemalan poncho, Che tee and cutoffs quite meets the standard.

Nonetheless, I am willing to try.

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mercury spill found: Voldemort sought for questioning

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Killingly, you say? 

Has the bodiless villain of the Harry Potter novels crossed the Atlantic to spread death and horror on fresh turf? Could unicorns all over North America soon fear for their innocent lives? And, more importantly:

Does this mean that sexy bitch Alan Rickman is around here somewhere?

This chilling report from the aptly-named Killingly, Connecticut would lead one to believe so…

A “significant amount” of mercury from an unknown source was discovered on Putnam Road Saturday, causing an undetermined amount of soil contamination, according to the state Department of Environmental Protection.
While state environmental officials declined to discuss the possible threat to public health, mercury is a highly toxic substance known to cause a variety of health problems, such as nervous and immune system damage.

“The fact that someone could be so callous as to discard this type of material so near the Five Mile River is outrageous,” said Terry Chambers, who lives close to the contamination site and first reported the mercury. “An event like this could have environmental repercussions for the next 100 years.”

If not longer…

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Hogwarts hints!

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 Harry Potter didn't read his HINTS!

We don’t know who wrote this, but I stole it from Dr. Mike: here are 50 things not to do at Hogwarts. Or rather, here are just the ones I like the very most bestest:

50 Things NOT to do at Hogwarts

1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are “covered in bees”.

2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

4. “I’ve heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood’s name” is not a challenge.

5. I am not allowed to attempt to breed a liger.

6. I will not go to class skyclad.

7.The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball. [ed. note: Goddammit! Now I need to line up another date!]

10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. “Polishing my wand” in the common room is not.

11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

14. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.

17. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”.

21. It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin that “Once you go Black, you never go back.”

24. I am not to refer to the Potions classroom as “Kitchen Stadium”.

28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.

37. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.

38. I am not a Pinball Wizard.

47. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.

48. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with “What’s new, pussycat?”

Go read the rest!

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Harry Potter coverup

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Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and the busy cover art 

Just to prime the pump (and possibly to silence legions of annoying, yammering, l33tspkg fans) Bloomsbury has released the cover designs for the last book in JK Rowling‘s series: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Bloomsbury Publishing Plc is delighted to release the book jacket images for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K.Rowling, to be published on 21st July 2007. The cover illustration for the children’s edition is by Jason Cockcroft, who drew the cover illustrations for the previous two Harry Potter books… The cover design for the adult edition is from a photograph by Michael Wildsmith, who has photographed all the adult edition jackets…These covers will be used throughout the world on the English language editions excluding the USA. Scholastic US have also released their cover images of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows…

and look, here it is:

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows US

Better than the British one (you have to view the full wraparound version on their crappy Flash page), if more individualistic. What does that say about the relative values of each nation? That Daniel Radcliffe has a better US agent than Rupert Grint and Emma Watson, that’s what.

Actually, the best one is the British adult version(warning: is pig-dog to load and has a tendency to crash my computer. Funny, you’d think Slytherin would be raincoaster-positive), with Slytherin‘s locket. Although who would have imagined that Slytherin would be caught dead wearing anything as femme-y as a locket?

Also, why are publishers so enamoured of Flash? These pages are a bitch to load, and that cutsie owl hooting that Scholastic features during the load just about makes me want to go out and strangle the next owl I see.

Or publisher.

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