Here are a couple of techniques I've used when dealing with warped vinyl. In all cases I've done it so I could get one good copy, which I would use in the future (ie. I didn't use these techniques to play the vinyl every time). Also note, I probably wouldn't recommend these techniques with a really expensive turntable and stylus, though they never messed up mine.
1. Try weighting down the stylus with one or two pennies. Or perhaps a nickel (which weighs about 5 grams).
2. Place the vinyl onto a hard surface (eg. table top), between two sheets of clean paper (not the sleeve, since it sometimes has stickyness), and then place a heavy, flat weight on top for 15 minutes or so (I'd use an unabridged dictionary). While the vinyl usually has enough physical memory that it'll ultimately re-warp, it's possible to flatten things out long enough to record one copy.
3. Drizzle a bunch of distilled water all over the surface of the vinyl (avoiding the label). While I usually used this to reduce pops and clicks from scratches, the added dampening from the water would sometimes be enough to hold the needle in the groove on warped records.
4. Lastly, play it at a lower speed, so the needle doesn't jump, then process the recording to shorten the time and raise the pitch. While I did this a couple of times, it was back in the early 80's before I had a digital processor, so restoring the sound in the end wasn't so easy, though I could get close.
He doesn't mention one that worked on my original copy of Let It Be: Leave the damn thing on a flat surface under a piece of glass in front of a window for one day. Simple.
re: Go Fug Yourself on Lindsay Lohan and Sharon Stone at the Oscars
re: Edgar Allan Poe’s Wedding and sorry-ass life (note that when you google “Edgar Allan Poe’s Wedding” our announcement is #1! My hit-whoredom is momentarily satisfied)
I Shudder Again more of that old gothic horror erotica. Same old same old.
Black Thorn, White Rose erotic retellings of fairy tales, although if you’d read the original French ones you wouldn’t need retellings, baby!
As references:
The Castle of Otranto, by Hugh Walpole. the first Gothic Novella (at least the first one not in German). Gets so caught up in the atmospheric effects of the flapping of raven’s wings in the graveyard and the eerie forboding of shadows in the candlelight that nothing actually ever happens. Like a great-looking date that can’t talk, a restaurant where the vibe is perfect and the food awful. Its chief virtue is that it’s just barely over 100 pages.
The House on the Borderland, by William Hope Hodgson, essentially the first supernatural horror novel in English, The Castle of Otranto being religious rather than supernatural in overtone and this divorcing the horror of the beings from their evil…ie they’re creepy, they’re deadly, but they’re not neccessarily from hell. Far better than TCOO anyway, and a quicker read.
The Gormenghast Trilogy by Mervyn Peake. Great books, I’m sure, if I could ever get through them. Like chewing through a glacier made of Turkish Delight. Historically important, great works of art, exquisitely overwraught, and virtually indigestible. A beach read…if you’re headed to Gitmo.
The Loved Dead and Other Revisions (and other works) by HP Lovecraft. Cthulhu mythos stuff was discussed, EAP envy (which Lovecraft had in spades)…and the fact that this book contains the single most vivid and compelling tale of necrophilia I’ve ever encountered, and that’s saying something. No, I didn’t read it out over dinner.
Damn, forgot to tell my tale of the old boyfriend of mine who heard about how I was such a fan of “Lovecraft books” and asked to borrow them. A week later he returned them, with a puzzled expression. I asked if he hadn’t liked them and he replied: I thought they were gonna be how-to’s.
A Warning to the Curious by MR James. I put forth my theory that ghost stories are definitively English, while Gothic supernatural horror is particularly American…it was not well-received. Fools! again I say Fools! Ia! Shub Ni-ohfugedaboudit.
The Secret History, by Donna Tartt. I state unequivocally that this, combined with A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, are the two novels which define my generation; this is not good news to anyone who’s read both books. I test my theory that I can recite the first line…The snow was melting and Bunny had been dead for several weeks before we came to understand the gravity of our situation. I get about 70% right.
The New Gothic which includes such authors as Jeannette Winterston, whom we all agree is a genius. I quote her: Why have we submitted to a society which makes imagination a privilege when to each of us it comes as a birthright? Unfortunately, the book also includes Joyce Carol Oates, who is obviously paid by the word…and we descend into the crude, embittered remarks of literati who are not paid by the word at JCO’s rates.
Closed on Account of Rabies, articulating a theory that Poe died not of alcoholism but of rabies. The album is produced by the Genius Hal Willner and featuring Christopher Walken, Gabriel Byrne, Marianne Faithfull, Iggy Pop, Deborah Harry, and Diamanda Galas reading Poe’s works
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds: Murder Ballads, which is a collection of songs about murder, either from the point of view of the victim or the point of view of the perpetrator. This plays while we are eating. Bon appetit!
Diamanda Galas: Defixiones/Will and Testament; you either love her or you don’t even recognize it’s music. I, personally, loved the part where she synched up the throbs in her screams with the flashing of the strobes, but that’s just me.
And the menu was: a glass of wine (amontillado was unfortunately not Irish enough for the Shebeen) and The Tell-Tale Artichoke Heart Pasta. Now aren’t you sorry you missed it?
Siwash Rock, according to the agency of the Canadian Government that puts up bronze plaques in parks, and as copied down in my Handspring today on a skate:
Siwash Rock
Indian legend tells us that this 50-foot high pinnacle of rock stands as an imperishable monument to 'Siwash the Unselfish,' who was turned into stone by 'Q'uas the Transformer' as a reward for his unselfishness.
Well isn't that special? That's also NOT how I heard the story. This "Siwash the Unselfish" must have one helluva PR, that's all I can say.
The way I heard it was this:
So there's this guy, Siwash. He's a lazy ass. A good-for-nothing. Everybody else is out busting their butts collecting salmon, collecting oolichans, collecting cedar bark, weaving and knitting and pounding and carving and jerkifying sorry, dunno what else to call it as if their lives depended on it, which they do, and Siwash, the lazy ass, just lays around asking them to keep the noise down.
So the other people in the village go to the Chief and they say Look pal, this here Siwash is a drain on our resources. I mean, we're not gonna let him starve, but sheesh Chief, can't you do something? So the Chief goes hmmmm, lemme see and he calls on the Shaman.
And he says Shaman, buddy, we got this Siwash and as soon as he starts the Shaman is like Whoa man, I know all about this Siwash guy, you don't need to tell me. So the Chief's like what do we do with him? and the Shaman goes well I guess you gotta call on the spirits (like a Shaman is gonna tell you to do anything else, right?). So they do.
They call on the spirits. The Spirits are like Yeah, what? and the people go we got this Siwash and as soon as they start the spirits are all likeOh yeah, we know all about him, waddaya want from us? and the people are like, well, we want you to make it so he doesn't bug us with his laziness but we don't gotta feed him and shit. So the Spirits are like okay, let's talk to Siwash and see what he says.
So the Spirits call on Siwash and he's all like Man, I was just gonna call you and they're like whatever Siwash, we gotta talk to you. And he's like yeah, what? so they tell him the people of the village are tired of looking after your lazy ass. You don't help with the fishing, you don't help with the work around the longhouse, you don't do art, you aren't pretty to look at, nothin'! So they want to stop feeding you but they're all like we don't wanna kill him.
And Siwash goes um, well I guess that's good… but you can tell he's not having the best day right now, and the Spirits say Awww, Siwash, dude, what would you like most in the world? If we could grant you a wish – and he's like you're the Spirits, man, YOU CAN! -and they're all like stay on topic for a minute, okay pal? and he's got, like, no choice, so he does.
Well, he says after a long long time of thinking, for he is indeed not a dude to be rushed, and he knows damn well these are immortals who have time to burn, well he says, I suppose I'd like to skip this migration stuff and just stay in one place all the time, and not be bothered by the change of seasons or any of that, not have to work, not even have to feed or dress myself, and if the villagers would get off my case and not think of me as a burden then yeah, that would be paradise!
15 May. St Dymphna's Day. She is the patron saint of the insane, but she too is just in the mind, probably derived from ma dompna ('my lady') the traditional address of a mediaeval poet to his lady-love.
A) I wouldn't have lost that bet to Ken McDonald. Like I have fifty bucks anyway.
B) This might have been the State of the Union Address for this year:
and the transcript, from Crooks & Liars
Announcer:
And now, a message from the President of the United States.
President Al Gore:
Good evening, my fellow Americans.
In 2000 when you overwhelmingly made the decision to elect me as your 43rd president, I knew the road ahead would be difficult. We have accomplished so much yet challenges lie ahead.
In the last 6 years we have been able to stop global warming. No one could have predicted the negative results of this. Glaciers that once were melting are now on the attack.
As you know, these renegade glaciers have already captured parts of upper Michigan and northern Maine, but I assure you: we will not let the glaciers win.
Right now, in the 2nd week of May 2006, we are facing perhaps the worst gas crisis in history.
We have way too much gasoline. Gas is down to $0.19 a gallon and the oil companies are hurting.
I know that I am partly to blame by insisting that cars run on trash.
I am therefore proposing a federal bailout to our oil companies because – hey if it were the other way around, you know the oil companies would help us.
On a positive note, we worked hard to save Welfare, fix Social Security and of course provide the free universal health care we all enjoy today.
But all this came at a high cost. As I speak, the gigantic national budget surplus is down to a perilously low $11 trillion dollars.
And don't get any ideas. That money is staying in the very successful lockbox. We're not touching it.
Of course, we could give economic aid to China, or lend money to the Saudis… again.
But right now we're already so loved by everyone in the world that American tourists can't even go over to Europe anymore… without getting hugged.
There are some of you that want to spend our money on some made-up war. To you I say: what part of "lockbox" don't you understand?
What if there's a hurricane or a tornado? Unlikely I know because of the Anti-Hurricane and Tornado Machine I was instrumental in helping to develop.
But… what if? What if the scientists are right and one of those giant glaciers hits Boston? That's why we have the lockbox!
As for immigration, solving that came at a heavy cost, and I personally regret the loss of California. However, the new Mexifornian economy is strong and el Presidente Schwarznegger is doing a great job.
There have been some setbacks. Unfortunately, the confirmation process for Supreme Court Justice Michael Moore was bitter and devisive. However, I could not be more proud of how the House and Senate pulled together to confirm the nomination of Chief Justice George Clooney.
Baseball, our national passtime, still lies under the shadow of steroid accusations. But I have faith in baseball commissioner George W. Bush when he says, "We will find the steroid users if we have to tap every phone in America!"
In 2001 when I came into office, our national security was the most important issue. The threat of terrorism was real.
Who knew that six years later, Afghanistan would be the most popular Spring Break destination? Or that Six Flags Tehran is the fastest growing amusement park in the Middle East?
And the scariest thing we Americans have to fear is … Live From New York, its Saturday Night!
Lovecraft. Cthulhu mythos stuff was discussed, EAP envy (which Lovecraft had in spades)…and the fact that this book contains the single most vivid and compelling tale of necrophilia I’ve ever encountered, and that’s saying something. No, I didn’t read it out over dinner.
Siwash Rock, according to the agency of the Canadian Government that puts up bronze plaques in parks, and as copied down in my Handspring today on a skate:
raincoaster 