Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand CUT!

Viggo Peaces Out

Viggo Peaces Out

Strangest direction to an actor ever?

You’re not walking like a Jew, Viggo.

Let’s review:

Well, my first choice for Jew Demonstrating Jewish Walking is a washout, alas, but it did turn me on to one of the greatest websites of all time: JewOrNotJew!

For reference, this walk is virtually part Jewish almost most of the time.

This one is a safe fallback:

Note red carpet, velvet ropes, and soundtrack. Hmmm, is Kanye Jewish too?

Oh, and in reference to the title, if you want to know if Viggo‘s circumsized, you can get The Indian Runner, which has several seconds of full-frontal Viggo. Some frames of which have been moderately photoshopped.

Viggo with muppets

Viggo with muppets by Michaelangelo okay not really.

What did you do today, raincoaster? Part the whatever

because I’m too tired to look it up, having been awake since Tuesday. And why? Well, part of the reason was that I started a new job at the Daily Dot (and another part of the reason was that my laptop and iPod both conked out on me at the same time). But I got one if not both of them working again and got my story filed and another two to boot, one of which is doing so well the YouTube counter is stuck, which means it’s going up faster than YouTube can count at the moment, which is yay, go me for featuring such a charming and powerful video of Occupy Vancouver.

Which I shall do again here:

It was a bit of a relief to spend so long NOT dealing with trolls, concern or otherwise. But you know what they say…

Haters Gonna Hate! Julian Assange and Me

Haters Gonna Hate! Julian Assange and Me

So, just to double-check, as there is every possibility I may be headed to LA to house-sit for a friend, come February which, I don’t care what April says, really is the cruellest month. Have I made the right choice of career (all others having rejected me out of hand, but that’s their loss HATERS GONNA HATE AMIRITE)?

Let us ask the almighty Interweb:


You Should Be a Script Writer


You are verbal, witty, and expressive. You have probably always had a way with words.

You are intellectual and brainy. You are well read, and you will read anything you can get your hands on.You have a vivid imagination. You can create a whole new world inside your mind.

You love challenges, especially when they involve learning new things. You love to step outside your comfort zone.

It! Is! Time!

ZOMG Narnia!

ZOMG Narnia!

I know, right???

Fuck this clapping for Tink shit; you can find me inside any wardrobe, frantically shoving against the back wall.

Image via Brosnakes.

No, REALLY: Julian Assange is a big, fat stainless steel rat just like I told you

Julian Assange has a halo just like I always told you

Julian Assange has a halo just like I always told you

Just like I told you people months ago, Julian Assange is in fact and in actuality and even IRL a stainless steel rat. Who has some tricky issues with Uranus.

First up, Judy Vitale from ReadTheStars. I kind of adore Judy; she’s that slightly loony aunt who makes family reunions tolerable by getting into the Chardonnay and telling people Things They Don’t Want To Hear all night long. Through the crack in the bathroom door if need be.

According to Judy, our boy has a problem. He’s got no fire. He’s all Earth and Water and of course to anyone familiar with the muck he’s neck-deep in right now, this makes total sense. His Uranus (Hisanus?) is squared, poor boy; they can fix that with surgery nowadays. In response to his elemental blockage, he’s compelled to seek out Fire in other people. May I make a suggestion? You can ask AngelNeptuneStar, I’m generally both surrounded by fire, friendly or not, and exuding it myself. Heck, you can ask Albania. Or this NYCTarotReader with whom we spoke earlier.

Seriously, JA, call me. Let’s hook this shit up.

More from her reading from March of this year:

Does Julian Assange have that much influence?  In his head, apparently yes.  If Mr. Assange had spoken to an astrologer, though he would have found that he is in danger of making presumptuous, inflated and grandiose statements at this point in time, as Jupiter comes through to affect the positions of Uranus and the sun at the time of his birth.  Jupiter has an inflationary effect.  Yes, it can mean luck and exposure, and it can also signify braggadocio and over-confidence to the point of arrogance.  In his case, and in anyone’s for that matter, the last thing an over-pumped Uranus needs is a killer dose of steroids! No matter your opinion of Assange or how accurate his self-assessment might be, it’s patently obvious he is a disruptive, revolutionary, and some say, innovative force.  This is the energy of Uranus.

Myanus isn’t nearly that energetic, actually. And I really don’t WANT to know how Jupiter Juice got all over it, I just want him to clean up after himself.

Turning now to the exotic East, that is, the Downtown Eastside, we have a community doctor who also happens to know a thing or two about Chinese Horoscopes, and here is that report, fresh off the Twitter wire:

http://twitter.com/#!/InnerCityDoc/statuses/140461964722831360

Kelly Mattheis (@InnerCityDoc)
Nov 26, 2011 @ 17:43:48 

The timing of this blog post was impeccable. Upon further investigation, (because sadly I have nothing else to do) Julian Assange was actually born in the month of the Rat (albeit a Wooden Rat.) The year, however was a Metal Pig… so Astrologically somewhat close.

Kelly Mattheis (@InnerCityDoc)
Nov 26, 2011 @ 18:28:16 

Not to be outdone by a woman with a moon and star blanket…

Admittedly, I don’t know anything about Uranus, but from a Chinese Astrological perspective and not knowing what time he was born, here’s my take.

Yes, Assange does not have any fire easily seen in his Chinese chart, however I would characterize his as more of a Water/Earth issue. He is an earth person with a strong Water team dominating his chart. Earth is supposed to block water but his is yin earth (Earth Ox) immediately beside a yang wood element (Wood Rat) – the image of a tree with it’s roots penetrating into soft soil comes to mind. The water element governs communications. Perhaps his innate inability to block all that water makes him a bit – shall we say, “Wiki-leaky?”

Contrarian me would suggest that it might mean he’s blocking the wiki-leaks instead?

Vancouver Election Night Report: God, I Love This Town

It’s the Juiceman, by a trickle. But in more interesting news:

I have a stuffed lobster. What more do you people need????

I have a stuffed lobster. What more do you people need????

http://twitter.com/#!/raincoaster/statuses/138132302436892672

and

http://twitter.com/#!/bgilliard/statuses/138135272763301888

That platform:

FOX, Amy “Evil Genius”

Hello Vancouver.

That's an evil genius we can all get behind!

That's an evil genius we can all get behind!

Most candidate profiles are just resumés and vague promises.

But I? As finance director of Sublime Conception and as a Supervillain, I offer you a Bold New Vancouver with shocking changes like 1. affordable housing, 2. accessible transportation and… 3. livability!

  1. Let’s end the NPA/Vision housing bubble! Squatters will occupy idle buildings! Taxes on non-resident owners and property flippers will finance mixed income housing! Let’s smash one third of streets and, upon their ruins, build houses… and parks!
  2. We’ll catch bike thieves with “bait bikes!” Cars that plow through crowded crosswalks will be sold for parts! How about a city-wide “safewalk” program? Traffic-calming circles!? Curb-cuts!? Roofed…bus-stops!?
  3. Motor vehicles will have proper mufflers! Ban car alarms and booming subwoofers! Replace helicopter flyovers with nice, quiet zepplins!

And rename streets after people who weren’t rich English landowners.

Curious?

You’ve got ten votes.

Join me.

Like I said before:

Oh, Vancouver, NEVER CHANGE!