Anonymous Investigation
Well, I TOLD you I was connected.
I just maybe didn’t know how connected.
Turns out one of my Twitter pals is the Supreme Great Leader-President Baby Daddy of Anonymous. No. Of the whole interwebz.
FACT.
For proof, just listen to this little drive-by he pulls on a couple of rubes who think they’re safe behind the cover of their own laptops. They’ve been BACKTRACED!
Save Barrett Brown. For what, we’re not sure.
You can go to my Daily Dot article for background or just skip this post and go on to the Unicorn Chaser tag if you’re already bored of this particular rabbit hole.
When the FBI raided controversial Anonymous member Barrett Brown’s apartment last week, they weren’t planning on being taped; audio of the raid went out live to participants in a TinyChat Barrett and his girlfriend had going. Now Brown’s girlfriend, @Elvira_ebooks, Evie Paradise, has taken to YouTube to respond to charges the entire thing was a fraud.
Video:
Now, here is the transcript. Slightly off-topic, you would not BELIEVE how long it takes to accurately transcribe a five minute video.
Hi my name is Barrett Brown, father of Project PM and miscellaneous other activities on the internet. Speaking of the internet, I was just having one of my friends say on Facebook, and they were telling me that there are a bunch of pastebins and whatnot and rumors flying around that the events of the past week in my apartment were staged. You fools. Is this…is it a setup?
Is it you, Chen?
Is it you, McCain?
Let’s find out. Because I! Made a chart!
This is the setup of my apartment. Oh my god. This is the setup of my apartment. I’m Barrett Brown. This star right here is my beautiful but very tired right now so she probably doesn’t look attractive and like, feel good, okay, my beautiful girlfriend. Evie. Elvira. Whatever.
This rectangle here is the door to my apartment. This slightly longer rectangle is the hallway. And this…scribbly thing… is A KITCHEN WALL.
There’s a wall there. Are you bored yet? TOO BAD because I’m gonna keep talking.
Here’s the wall. Here’s the Kitchen. Girlfriend. K? Computer. Should we review this one more time? Door to the apartment, hallway, kiiiiitchen wall, kitchen, where I make my shake…my “pizza”…and my girlfriend on the computer.
So if one of you prosec dingleberries is gonna come into my apartment, this is how it’s gonna go down. Okay? And this is how it went down.
People came in here. Like, this is a joke video, but this is actually the setup of the apartment. They came in here hooting and hollering, saying what did they say, they said, hi mister brown, can we take a look at your plants? They came in hooting and hollering. Girlfriend down here thinks its one of my deadbeat friends, deadbeat friends, people deadbeat friends that don’t call after you’ve been raided. They don’t even bother to respond to your girlfriend’s facebook messages.
She thinks it’s one of your geek friends, hooting and hollering in a fake raid bit, or something. You know? It’s not.
They say excuse me mister brown can we come in and he’s okay you’re friends of mine. They come in and a melee ensues, going down the hall like this, down the hall, okay? Girlfriend’s still here, thinking what the heck is, what now, what now is going on in this apartment?
But she finds out, doesn’t she? She finds out really soon when they exit the hallway and they turn around the corner. They turn around the corner. Okay, this circle here represents the corner. Okay? You see now? Do you see now? I mean does anyone have any questions?
And then she thinks to herself this is weird. There’s no right way to react like this, I’m gonna just reflexively shut the laptop, and she does. Sometimes she wishes she hadn’t, if she was gonna know all you all these deadbeats would do this.
I mean, come on. By now, by now, don’t you think…yeah, I don’t have time to talk to you people. I just do’ i just don’t have time. I’m Barrett Brown.
You see this? Okay, and then, you know, there’s this, going on like this. And this. And this.
This isn’t even funny. This is just an idea. Thanks a lot [Shane?]. Thanks for having an idea. I’m gonna ask someone else.
https://twitter.com/ElviraXMontana/status/248916435601080320
JAN: Just Act, Naturally
Just feast your starvéd eyes on this vision of natural, spontaneous loveliness. She is Ja,n: Just Act, Naturally; she used to be called Jan: Just Act Naturally, but she changed it because…reasons. And she has a Tumblr.
Would it come as a total shock to you that she teaches acting? Look at her: it was either that or interpretive healing dance.
Emmy Speech Master Class Announcement!
My acting master class is dedicated to the most important performance of an actor’s career: the Emmy Awards acceptance speech.
My much sought-after class is back by popular demand!
Meets twice weekly for four weeks. Cost: $899.00. Begins October 5th. Cash only, no personal checks.
To register, email JAN.JustActNaturally@gmail.com and tell me why you want to be in the class. Admission is based on strength of essay and knowledge of my work.
You can’t have EMMY without EM-ME!
Well, who wouldn’t want to take that workshop? Careful, no stampeding: the line forms on the left. “By popular demand,” yeah, I’ve used that one myself!
But who would spend that kind of money without taking a careful look and doing due diligence and other alliterative investigative thingies. So let us go deep inside the Emmy Speech Master Class and see the hidden truth about delivering a speech in full “I WANT TO LIVE” mode while at the same time remembering to thank your lawyer.
Invest in your future! You never know when you’ll need the assistance of a grateful lawyer.
As someone on Twitter said, “Every day I’m not Parker Posey is a failure.”
Keep Calm and Pretend it’s Not Monday
So it’s not Wednesday. It feels like it: I’ve already blown through half my work hours allowed for the week at the Daily Dot and a fat lot of good it did me so it’s time for a little break.
Welcome to Honorary Hump Day.
Here’s a great video from our old friend Mark Day, who made a lightning visit to Burning Man (not that we’re jellus) and is now looking more Californian than we’ve ever seen him. Congratulations, you’ve made a nearly full recovery from your Hebridean upbringing. Stay till the end for bonus AWWWWWW.
Why the nose? Well, we’re glad you asked.
Daphne blends in
When first one begins to make new life choices, there is only one place for an intrepid change-maker to start: self-analysis. And for quality self-analysis, I always turn to internet quizzes.
You Are Stalking |
 You tend to be very obsessive. Once you focus your attention on something or someone, it’s all you think about.You are also very secretive. People don’t know much about the life that you lead. You are attracted to weak people. You may want to prey on them, but you also may just want to help them.You need attention, and you can get desperate if you aren’t getting attention from the right person. You’ll do about anything to get noticed. |
Check, check, check, and CHECK. That’s the hard part over with.
Next stop: the wardrobe department! As you can see from the GPOY at the top of the post, that’s all taken care of.
Sadly, the bottom has dropped out of the formerly-lucrative blackmail market. In a world currently enduring its sixth season of Jersey Shore, there is no market for shame whatsoever.
This leaves me with the unanswered critical question: how in hell do I make a living from this particular assortment of talents? I hate the thought of going into politics!
raincoaster 