Category Archives: Humour

what happened…?

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Some of you may be wondering what happened. I even received a rather worried email, subject line “ONE post???”.

Here, for those of you who were not there, is what happened:

Negroni

1oz Plymouth gin

1oz Campari

1oz red Cinzano vermouth

Well, it happened five times and a draft pint of Strongbow happened once. Negronis are the prettiest of all cocktails, but as I said, they are like playing with God’s remote control when you can’t read what the buttons do. Christian Brando had three and shot his sister’s lover. I had five and ended up drunkenly emailing an Eric Stoltz sighting to Defamer (who laughed at me, thanks Mark!) and instead of flirting with the biggest flirt on the planet, I went into chat and bored him senseless with my exciting plans for my new CSS design!

No wonder I can’t get laid. I ignore Eric Stoltz and bore all of the rest of them.

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Help wanted/help needed

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Britney and Paris

Are you an intellectual? Are you at least intelligent? And are you, like me, fed up with the fact that it appears to be the unconscious strategy of the mentally inferior to simply outnumber us?

Camus once said that it was the moral obligation of the intelligent to oppress the stupid, otherwise they would take over the world.

Now, this may be somewhat along the lines of the barn door/bolted horse scenario, particularly in a world where men are still willing to have sex with Britney Spears, but I have an opportunity to pass along to interested parties that will, I believe, prove attractive to that particular target group while simultaneously rendering them incapable of spawning.

Ladies and gentlemen, via defrostindoors at the relatively demure Bridlepath, we present our first ever Help Wanted ad:

Looking for a tester of a Chastity device – m4w

Reply to: pers-375384078@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-07-16, 6:35PM EDTMyself and a friend are developing a new style chastity device for woman. It does involve 7 piercing to be done. Once the piercings have healed (6 months) the chastity device will be put on.The device is small and will be made specifically for you. It is a small plate that is put over your vagina with a slit in the center for your lips to pass through. Then there will be three rods that go through your lips and one through your clitoris over top of this plate. A top plate will be secured over top of this (with hole for urination and cleaning). Once it is comfortable and with no health problems it will be secured together sealing your sex inside your new prison.

The final product will be titanium and you will not be able to get it off. There will be no keys. Sealing will be permanent.

You will still be able to wear bathing suits and it will not be noticeable under clothing, but you will never have sex again.

We can discuss financial compensation with any woman that is serious in helping us test this device but please keep in mind that you will not be able to get it off so please be serious about this before responding.

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the raincoaster and the cat

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See, not only are cats self-absorbed, which they are, but cat people are equally self-absorbed, even, frankly, the cat people who have no cats but who should or would, had they exposed themselves to cattitude.

But this has nothing to do with what I am saying.

It has only to do with what the people at the Starbucks or Tim Horton’s you frequent are saying.

What I am saying is: The Cat Is Back.

This, my friends, is The Cat:

The Cat

And that, my friends, is the raincoaster. And there is a tale wherein the raincoaster purchased the cat, and it is this:

raincoaster was coasting through the Hastings Street Value Village, as was and is her wont, when she came across something so glam-tastic it seemed as if Grace Jones herself should have manifested and dragged that bitch up to the till, but lo, Grace kept to her place and it seemed as if raincoaster would have free reign on all sparkly marabou stole territory. But, alas, it was not to be.

The raincoaster stood, pondering, for some time. Some, apparantly excessive time.

A drag queen grasped the trailing end.

“Are you all done here?” she asked.

“No, sorry,” replied raincoaster, thinking in practical terms about rights but not quite willing to give up on this particularly cool version thereof.

“Honey, if you don’t want it, Aye, you crazee, Bee, Ai take it.”

“Okay, I’m taking it.”

The tale of the naming of the Cat is for some other time.

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best. title. ev-ar.

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The second in our continuing series on the best ____ ev-ar.

Chinatown movie

from Defamer, who have beaten all Fark challengers into the ground with the sheer, sexy erudition of this one:

it’s white meat! (slap!) dark meat! (slap!) white meat, dark meat! (slap!)

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weirdest. penis. ev-ar!

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Duck Dick

From Picture of the Day.

Seriously, is this how they make Innsmouthers?

I knew ducks were pretty kinky, but this is just sick.

Funny, he doesn’t look Jewish.

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