Fran Lebowitz on the OccupyEverywhere movement

I'm all for the separation of Corp and State. You?

I'm all for the separation of Corp and State. You?

A hundred years ago, anything worth saying had already been said by Oscar Wilde and/or George Bernard Shaw. Today anything worth saying has already been said by George Carlin and/or Fran Lebowitz. We’ve already reviewed what George presciently said about Occupy Wall Street, so now let’s take a trip in the TARDIS back to the July, 1997 issue of Vanity Fair and see what the Sage of Manhattan had to say about Occupy Wall Street and its offspring.

Do you agree with Calvin Coolidge that “the chief business of the American people is business?”

I think that in the current climate Calvin Coolidge might be regarded as almost a Beatnik, since it seems widely accepted that the only business of the American people is business — and that the appropriate model for all human endeavor is the business model. People contstantly say things like “If I ran my business the way they run the public school system, I’d be out of business in three weeks.” People seem to have the idea that these things are similar in some way. If they ran the public school system the way you run your business, people would be even less educated than they are now, because the purpose of business is to earn a profit. This is not the purpose of education. Additionally, it is not hard to imagine down-sizing in this context — grades four through nine being regarded as middle management and hence eliminated. It is equally easy to envision at some imminent point in time that during the State of the Union address, when the camera pans above the head of the president, instead of the great seal of the United States of America we will see the Nike symbol. Direct corporate sponsorship of the federal government.

People accept this sort of thing in every way now. People accept a level of commercialization of every single aspect of life that is shocking to someone of my age. you pay nine dollars to go to the movies and they show you commericals for 20 minutes. Not ony commercials for other movies — which they get you to call trailers or previews, like, “How lucky for you. For your nine dollars we’re throwing in 75 previews”  — but also commercials for products like Coca-Cola. When they started showing these — which wasn’t that long ago, although everyone now seems unable to remember a time when this did not occur —  people in New York used to boo them, but now they don’t. They expect to pay to see commercials. It takes two seconds, it seems, to get people used to this kind of thing. I, on the other hand, still can’t get used to paying for television. A television bill. It’s astonishing. And even more astonishing is that other people regard this as a technological advance, whereas to me it seems this is technology going backward. I feel that if at first television had been cable TV — this enormous, clunky, cumbersome, labor-intensive, expensive system —  and then some genius figured out broadcast television, people would have said, “Can you imagine? They don’t have to dig up the streets anymore. They don’t need the big wires. You can move your tv around. It doesn’t have to be attached to your wall. And it’s free. It goes through the air. It’s a miracle of modern technology — of course, there’ll have to be commercials.

The 99%

The 99%

In Autumn, the Leafs start falling

and they KEEP falling…right till they’re eliminated from the playoffs.

The Leafs Suck

The Leafs Suck

Worst part is, they didn’t even have to change out of their kilts and Hello Kitty backpacks to do it.

Hump Day Unicorn Chaser: kittehs edition

a bitch slapper is essential equipment

a bitch slapper is essential equipment

It’s been that kind of a week. Ah yes, welcome back to Vancouver, self!

UPDATED TO ADD something I need to keep in mind on G+ as well as in meatspace:

I am NOT the Jerk Whisperer. Wait, I'm not????

I am NOT the Jerk Whisperer. Wait, I'm not????

First World Problems: the PowerPoint Slideslow

sad walrus is embarrassed for you

sad walrus is embarrassed for you

Of COURSE it’s a Powerpoint.

PowerPoint, which can be found on two hundred and fifty million computers around the world, is software you impose on other people. It allows you to arrange text and graphics in a series of pages, which you can project, slide by slide, from a laptop computer onto a screen, or print as a booklet (as Sarah Wyndham did). The usual metaphor for everyday software is the tool, but that doesn’t seem to be right here. PowerPoint is more like a suit of clothes, or a car, or plastic surgery. You take it out with you. You are judged by it—you insist on being judged by it. It is by definition a social instrument, turning middle managers into bullet-point dandies.

 

I am proud to say that I have stuck firmly to my Never Learning Powerpoint policy and am instead learning Prezi. I think Malcolm Gladwell would be disappointed and Marshall McLuhan would be proud, and that’s enough for me.

Speaking of First World Problems!

Coffee, Mate?

He's on the phone right now telling you how invalid your argument is. What does it look like?

He's on the phone right now telling you how invalid your argument is. What does it look like?

Yes, fanboys and fangirls, it’s time for more Assangeology here at Operation Global Media Domination HQ. Tonight, we bring you news of an exciting event on the horizon: a fundraising auction for Wikileaks! Aren’t you excited? You look excited! I’m excited! I’m even more excited after reading the list of items…or make that, reading partway through the list of items and finding something really interesting and dirty and getting distracted, as is my wont, whether I wont to or not:

… a framed, signed limited edition cable describing Hillary Clinton’s spying orders against the United Nations, one of two computers used to prepare Cablegate, complete with full historical data, invite-only tickets to Vivienne Westwood’s Spring/Summer 2012 fashion show in Paris later this month and sealed prison coffee smuggled out of HMS Wandsworth by Julian Assange on December 17…

COFFEE

WikiLeaks Fundraiser: Julian Assange’s Prison Coffee, Signed and Fingerprinted
Smuggled out of prison by Julian Assange

starting £200

Scarce item of memorabilia from Julian Assange’s time in prison. Julian Assange spent ten days in prison in Decmber 2010. When he left to go under house arrest in Norfolk he smuggled out this, one of three sachets of coffee.

This rare item has been signed on one side: ‘Julian A, Prison coffee, smuggled out of Wandsworth Prison by me on Dec 17 2010′. On the other side of the sachet Julian has inked a fingerprint.

The sachet is unopened and is being sold to raise money for WikiLeaks.

For confirmation of legitimacy of this item please contact: 0044 7554 181 066. For any questions about payment arrangements please contact this number.

I have, it’s true, no questions whatsoever about the legitimacy of the item. I have, however, one BIG question about how, exactly, the item in question was smuggled out of that prison.

I’m just sayin’.

Bad raincoaster! BAD BAD RAINCOASTER!

Julian spanking gif and didn't that title just cause fainting worldwide

Julian spanking gif and didn't that title just cause fainting worldwide