Category Archives: Humour

handy hints: dress like a whore!

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hooker bra, also much mousseMaaaan, the things you learn on Livejournal! Here ferinstance, in the highly ripoff-worthy Cindy RedDeer‘s journal, we learn how to put your bra on like a whore.

What we do not learn, alas, is how anyone who pretends to respectability found out how whores put their bras on in the first place. Frankly, most of the ones I know use front-snap bras, because it’s quicker. Also good for a cheap laugh if the guy has never seen one before.

Uh, I read it in Cosmo.

It’s the small things that drive you bonkers. I had this patient once who was very particular about the way her bra was to be applied. Apparently I put mine on like a whore and she would have none of that!

In case you didn’t know whores hook the snaps in front then turn it around then pull the cups up over the breasts then pull the straps up one arm at a time. Ladies, on the other hand place both arms through the straps, but up to the elbows, then they they reach behind and fasten the hooks then they pull the bra the rest of the way up and then pull the straps over the shoulders…

TJ Hooker and friendsSo I guess that means I put mine on like a tranny? I can’t figure this out: what does it mean if you put your arms through the straps but put the straps up to your shoulders, bend over, and tuck everything in place before fastening things? Does it mean I alone have taken lessons from the magazine writer who specifically went to a bra store to find shit like this out? That is what I call pragmatic journalism. Both my tits and my bras are in fine shape, thankyouverymuch, and there is no way of telling how much of it is due to my “gravity assisted” method of getting dressed. All I know is, Madonna better watch her back, particularly since her body fat went into the negative numbers.

Show
me the luv at the Bloggie Awards, people!

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Austin Powers Goldmember banned trailer

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The notorious trailer. Apparently the Broccoli family isn’t all about that “right to satirize” statute anymore than Prince is. They sued.

Hinterland’s Who’s Who: the black bear

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To make up for the fact that Crack Spider Dude has disabled embedding, I went in search of a replacement Hinterland’s Who’s Who video for ya, and look what I found: The Black Bear.

Actually, this one looks more like a white bear to me.

Pen of the Great Old Ones

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great race, yo!

You gotta know, when it comes to Great Old Ones news, that BoingBoing would have it. And you totally gots to know that raincoaster would be all over featuring it, particularly if it meant that she wouldn’t have to do any gruesome “clearing off of the Earth” duties. Here’s the latest on a pen which has recently been discovered to meet all of the qualities in the “Great Race” narrative, but which are, of course, quite independent of it. Indeed, stories about these strange metal pens are common among a certain circle of fiction writers; only the overwrought imagination of the fantasists could have imagined a pen in our own time that recorded its thought and those to which it referred. Totes.

Hinterland’s Who’s Who: Spiders on Drugs

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This is a blast from the past for Canucks, who probably grew up watching those ridiculous Hinterland’s Who’s Who interludes from the NFB. We may not be good at asserting ourselves, but buy god we know our black footed marmot from our white footed one! Stole this from the House of Hunt.

UPDATE: bitch has gone and disabled embedding. Bloody princess; 300,000 hits in ONE DAY and now he decides he doesn’t want to be famous.

UPDATED UPDATE: he says:

Your wish is my command, raincoaster.
Spiders for all!!!

and has re-enabled embedding, yay! Now he’s less than a thousand hits away from 700,000, at two and a quarter million views, which is undoubtably the highest-ranking Canadian nature video ever to hit the internets.

It’s the “100 centimeters” that slays me. TOO Canadian! 

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