Category Archives: Literary

Media Madness!!!!!

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TIAWhat's next? First I'm quoted in the Daily Mirror (the MIRROR, ffs y'all; I don't even live in the UK!) so far out of context my snippet needs its own passport.*

Tina Fucking BrownNow, Tina Brown, Tina Fucking Brown, files a report about witnessing first-hand the lesbian crack orgies of a strung-out former gospel singer. Tina also spends a great deal of time running around the house picking up the skanktastic used sex toys of the so-called "power dyke." I guess when you got OCD you got OCD, eh? Word to the wise: Wellbutrin.

Paying Tina Brown a reported $200,000 was well worth every penny!

Tina Brown says that it's common knowledge…that Whitney has affairs with women.

[The strung-out former gospel star's] appetite to pleasure her pussy is so powerful that she has a massive collection of sex toys…

"They are all around the damn house," says Tina. "I'm constantly having to get them up. I don't want the kids to find them."

No indeed! What would happen to little George Frederick's future and peace of mind, should he stumble upon a lube-encrusted, vrroooooooming Purple Pussy Popper?

Si, where are you when she needs you? O, how the mighty have fallen. I bet she's sorry she ever left Vanity Fair.

Startups are not for kids

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Operation Orwell Lives: McSweeney’s is all over that

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And at least one blog post ahead of me. One question, though: when tagging this post, do work-related posts get tagged Politics, or Religion? Hmmmm, deep thoughts for another time.

Behold the Nihilist Resume:

David, Candice, whatever
EndlessMurk512@aol.com
This Abject World
(555) 555-5555

Objective

I have no objective. What's the point when cold death is the final destination for us all? Can you explain that to me? I know I'm supposed to put something here, though, so here goes: Your objective is to hire me into a challenging position in a computer-applications-based field within which you feel I can "make a difference" and "contribute" in a team environment.

Imbecile. 

Work Experience

Lead Sales Representative, Howard Brothers Trucking Co. (June 2003 to present)

As far as being a "leader" goes, I wasn't leading anyone or anything. Death is the great leveler, leading us all. Or not. Again, who cares, really?

 Interests

I'll admit I play tennis, although I don't keep score and insist that when my deluded partner does he use the terms "zero" or "nothingness" instead of "love," a superfluous notion.

Welcome to the blogroll: Fat Joe Thomas

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Possibly the best book review site ever. Let's take a look, shall we?

A review of:

How to Know God :

DeepakizzleThe Soul’s Journey into the Mystery of Mysteries by Deepak Chopra

This is one of the most stunning books I've ever read. It is a complete 160-degree turnaround from how he had been. In this book he realizes he's no longer angry, it's time to make friends and be happy. And, then, not weeks after the publication, he is gunned down by the East Coast individualists. The feud between the two coasts has been raging for too long. The West Coast spiritualists (led by Deepak) hate the East Coast individualists. No one really knows the cause of the rivalry, but some people think it started when Neal Donald Walsch (an East Coaster) said Deepak looked like Dr. Segal. At any rate, these two groups have hated each other ever since.

And, that hatred was certainly evident in Deepak's works. His 1992 book Perfect Heath: Sumpin the East Coast Know Nothin' 'Bout was a bitter tongue lashing against his rivals. And, nothing stung more than these lines from 1990's Quantum Healing: Deepak 4Ever Y'all — "When the spirit of life swells within you/kick that mofo sucka out/coz the East is the beast/and they got nothin ta pray about".

Operation Global Media Domination: Egg Day

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TIADon’t ask me why. Blog works in mysterious ways. But today, if you’ll just scroll down and see, is Egg Day. If you’re feeling generous, you can even include the post from yesterday about the trichinosis worms (I mean, it’s the eggs that getcha, right? and there were millions of the wee buggers, so that’s gotta count for at least one, right?).

But it’s a sure bet that Egg Day is not gonna rock the same hits as Gay Pirate Day.

Yesterday we welcomed many, many intellectuals to our blog; for one thing, they loved to hate on the Margaret Atwood. For another, their searches included Nobel Prize winners, Geoffrey Chaucer, the New Testament, and a poignant question about whether or not The Scorpions still count as celebrities.

No.

On the other hand, today they’re back looking for that elusive Narnia Porn. Other searched-for items included free porn movies of nutty sex yelling sex porn SOMALI SEX MOVIE somali porn movies aslan porn. And Mitsou, but that’s hardly an improvement. So here, for all you pervy, unsatisfied, yet counted-on-an-equal-basis-with-Ernest-Hemingway-scholar fetishists, we present your Narnia fix:

Narnia

Post #200: YouTube of the Gods

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Jiffy SquidNietzschian monkeys hangin' in a bar, picking up chicks. This is why ARPANET developed opposable thumbs and the ability to stand upright: specifically so that one day it would be mighty enough to post this link. Bonus Squiddy goodness.

Jiffy Squid