Keep Calm and Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

Keep Calm and Hail Cthulhu

Keep Calm and Hail Cthulhu

I think this will look very nice painted on the wall of my new place. over and over. in human blood.

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.

Word up, yo.

Lady Judas heralds the gossip links!

Lady Gaga meets Judas Priest. FAR better than you’d expect, I promise.

I TOLD you! Now, here are your rushed-for-time celebrity gossip links for a Friday night:

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FOUND: Julian Assange’s Secret Father

Jackie Rogers Jr, the world's biggest celebrity

Jackie Rogers Jr, the world's biggest celebrity

This is truly shocking. While it’s no secret that Wikileaks founder Julian Assange has always had a bit of the showman about him, who could have imagined that he came by it genetically. The below video provides, we believe, conclusive proof that the incomparable Jackie Rogers Jr. is, in fact, Julian Assange’s biological father. Watch and see for yourself the stunning resemblance:

Now, compare that white-hot fabulousness with the diva moves on display in the famous Julian vs John Travolta Dance-Off video below:

I think we can consider the matter settled, no?

And in related fabulousness news, click over the jump for today’s celebrity gossip links.

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Hump Day Unicorn Chaser: Heavy Metal Mashup Edition

No, I’m serious. Heavy Metal Mashups make an excellent Unicorn Chaser, particularly when mashed with Bollywood music. Click Play and trust me.

Iron Maiden vs Dhoom2

There, have your feet stopped moving? Aren’t you happy now? Grateful to me? You damn well should be, you ingrates. Here I am chained to a laptop in the accursed, barren land of Vangroover…

Vangroover, people. Yeah, this is the view

Vangroover, people. Yeah, this is the view

yeah, forget I said that. Anyway…I’ve got a lovely roundup of Unicorn Chasers for you today, including not just one but TWO, count ’em, TWO musical interludes. Here we present a Mexican Mariachi band (there is another kind of mariachi band?) performing that old Pink Floyd classic, The Wall.

Awww. And as if that weren’t enough, here’s the now-famous Boob Flash at tonight’s Canucks game. I seriously think the Green Men may be out of a job.

Contrary to the title, the boobs are not actually flashbulbs

Contrary to the title, the boobs are not actually flashbulbs

And to make your Wednesday complete, we have yes, another roundup of celebrity gossip links! Oh! My! God! Can you freaking STAND it?!?!

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Osama bin Laden vs Donald Trump

Osama Bin Laden has his paperwork in order

Osama Bin Laden has his paperwork in order

Once Birthered, twice shy. Barack Obama is taking NO CHANCES this time around, thankyouverymuch Donald Trump!