Osama bin Laden vs Donald Trump

Osama Bin Laden has his paperwork in order

Osama Bin Laden has his paperwork in order

Once Birthered, twice shy. Barack Obama is taking NO CHANCES this time around, thankyouverymuch Donald Trump!

Empire, or Humanity? What the Classroom Didn’t Teach Me About the American Empire, by Howard Zinn

Passed along from NagOnTheLake by Metro, here is a thoughtful autobiographical essay by Howard Zinn, a former soldier and current thought leader (what we used to call philosopher, before we decided that old words were old-fashioned).

Osama Bin Laden parties with pagans in the Eighties

George Clooney then and now

Well, who doesn’t have a few embarrassing party pix or yearbook photos from the Eighties, eh? Why should Osama Bin Laden, who rocked the bell bottoms and turtleneck look as hard as anyone in the Seventies, escape this universal fate?

Turns out that during the Eighties he was living with the Kalasha tribesmen of the Chitral region of Pakistan, a strangely timeless Asiatic tribe documented by Wilfred Thesiger.

Chitral is also the home of the Kalasha, a unique pagan civilization that’s lived in the area for 2,000 years or more, now boxed in by an increasingly militant Islam. Thinly populated, Chitral covers 5,800 square miles, with war-torn Afghanistan to the north and west and the extremist strongholds of Swat and Dir to the south.

According to locals, bin Laden lived with a Kalasha family in Chitral for some time during his first Afghan jihad, against the Soviet Union in the 1980s. With his now much more severe ideology, the al Qaida leader wouldn’t be able to easily live among these polytheistic people, whose men and women mix freely…

Kalasha women also don’t cover, so was OBL covering his eyes the entire time? I doubt that.
And now he wants to fight polytheists? Osama Bin Laden: demeaning Islam in leaps in and bounds.

Hey, old habits die hard. I mean; did you SEE him in that turtleneck?

Not. Funny.

Well maybe kinda.

Dear raincoaster, I am a terrorist on the run and…

Michael Jackson…things could be worse

Many and varied are the service pieces that we here at the ol’ raincoaster blog consider posting for the benefit of our many and varied readership, but among them certain universal qualities recur. The piece must be practical at the bedrock level. It must be actionable, easy to put into practice. It must appeal to our readers as applying directly to their lives and impacting those lives in a positive way, once implemented.

This blog post from CelebrityCosmeticSurgery meets all of those criteria. How to change your appearance via plastic surgery if you’re a terrorist on the run. Now that is what I call Servicey! Thousands of our readers can apply this directly to their lives and greatly reduce their stress level immediately, or at least once the bandages come off.

I think the one thing that would change a man’s appearance the most if the growing or removal of facial hair. After this, I would have to say maybe a rhinoplasty? (See Michael Jackson and Ashlee Simpson). Or possibly a browlift (see Greta Van Susteran).

To this, we with our awareness of those tricksy law enforcement peeps, would add fingerprint grafts (does not require actual dead body, just de-handsed one; I recommend Saudi Arabia for its large surplus of freshly severed hands) a la that South American drug lord who had more work done than Joan Rivers and finally expired on the operating table during a routine facelift which he’d undergone because he liked his new looks just that much and wanted to look after them.

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank