Operation Global Media Domination: Lost in Translation

TIAWhen raincoaster checks the ol' raincoaster stats, she looks for many things: total hit count, most popular blog entry, signs of the coming Apocalypse…it's like necromancy, but you don't have to wash your hands afterwards unless you get very excited. Among the things that she looks for are links through which readers have clicked to arrive at raincoaster, the blog. And this one from yesterday particularly caught her eye.

It appears to be a Google translation of this post, a roundup of search engine terms that brought people to the blog. This is known as a feedback loop, and is sneakily effective in gaining new readers and hooking back the old ones, even if they were only looking for Narnia Mango Somali Porn.

Oops, I did it again!

Anywhoooo, the words on this page that were beyond Google's ability to translate were quite interesting. In the interests of creating a new, more selective feedback loop, and in the interest of confusing the Chinese, I will here list all terms in that raincoaster post found untranslatable by Google:

Narnia, Ian McKellen, Fatman, pervs, snotflower, creamer, ventibrevemocha, lattes, buggers, cholesteral, patchouli, eggnog latte, decaf, comin', Pablo, Sandford Tuey, raincoaster, voyeur, appy, tiaras, 9.11, WhiteSpot, Hogwarts, Deuel, Cates, vagina, spankin', Conference, shebeen, Wuthering, screencaps, jocari, Doktari, sumpin', slimin', spay, watchin'.

Did you ever do those assignments in school where you were supposed to use each of a whole snotload of words in a sentence? I was terribly literalminded, and always tried to get them all into one sentence, which drove my teachers nuts, but even I would have to admit defeat when faced with the above list.

FYI Here are today's search engine items that led here. I must say, we're getting better. Classier, weirder, and less Somali-porn-based. Some Somali trivia: You know Iman? When she left Somalia she took everything worth looking at with her.

beautiful agony, shit eating, dorks, eagle cam in Vancouver, Canada, Juvénal Habyarimana -site:africadatabas, Celebrity Censorship, jesus lego, birthday animation, cocaine corner, Giant Squid

PSA: Pornstar for a Day!

From Fleshbot via Gawker:Ron Jeremy, Dream Date!

Our pervy sibling Fleshbot is proud to announce a wholesome contest taking place in New York, in which one lucky perv will win the chance to break into the lucrative world of pornography, courtesy of punky alt-porn lady Joanna Angel:

Joanna herself will create what is known in the porn industry as a “non-sexual role ” for you (with lines and everything!) in her upcoming “Joanna Angel’s Fuckin’ Guide to Fucking”, scheduled to begin filming in New York City this weekend.

To win, send a statement of 25 words or less to fleshbotcontests@gmail.com explaining why you’d like to be in the movie and why you’d be perfect for the role. Sounds easy, but 25 witty words can be tough when you’ve got your hand shoved down your pants.

Fleshbot Contest: So You Want to Be a Porn Star [Fleshbot – NSFW]

The Two Towers, the heavy Spanish accents

Who cares if you can't understand them; they're hot! A fan-made recreation of The Two Towers, from a group of twentysomething Spaniards.

Et tu, Shatner?

Proof positive that rap is nothing more and nothing less than verse delivered in a particularly emphatic style. If you read some of the best ancient Greek verse in the original you can see that it would fall naturally into these kinds of rhythms. And here we have a selection from Shakespeare that seems to work pretty darn well. But really, whodathunk that the evidence for this scholarly theory would come from Great Canadian Celebrity the Shat?

Your HandyDandy Rapalong Guide

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones
;
So let it be with Caesar. The noble Brutus
Hath told you Caesar was ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath Caesar answer’d it.
Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest–
For Brutus is an honourable man;
So are they all, all honourable men–
Come I to speak in Caesar’s funeral.
He was my friend, faithful and just to me:
But Brutus says he was ambitious;
And Brutus is an honourable man.
He hath brought many captives home to Rome
Whose ransoms did the general coffers fill:
Did this in Caesar seem ambitious?
When that the poor have cried, Caesar hath wept:
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
And Brutus is an honourable man.
You all did see that on the Lupercal
I thrice presented him a kingly crown,
Which he did thrice refuse: was this ambition?
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
And, sure, he is an honourable man.
I speak not to disprove what Brutus spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love him once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then, to mourn for him?
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason. Bear with me;
My heart is in the coffin there with Caesar,
And I must pause till it come back to me.

Harry Potter and the Titles of Doom

Emo Harry PotterThe Harry Potter that never was…yet.

Cap'n Wacky lists Titles of Harry Potter Fanfics We'd Rather Not Read. Grabbed via the unusually good today BoingBoing.

I think I like the last one best. But, really, replace "Harry Potter" with "Aragorn" and I think I not only read them, I was asked to proof and edit them. Sigh. Good times, good times.

Actually, everyone I know who writes fanfic writes absolutely 18+ V,VNSFW stuff, so perhaps its' best they don't tackle Potter. So to speak.

Harry Potter and the Uneventful Year When No One Tried to Kill Him

Harry Potter and the New Love Interest Who Happens to Have the Same Name as the 15-Year-Old Girl Writing this Fanfic

Harry Potter and the New Love Interest Who Happens to Have the Same Name as the 15-Year-Old Boy Writing this Fanfic

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Sucrets

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Kidney Stone

Harry Potter and the Uncomforatble Oversexualization of Minors

Harry Potter and the Socerer are Stoned

Harry Potter and the Burning Sensation

Harry Potter and the Camping Weekend With Ron That Will Never Be Spoken Of Again

Harry Potter and the Summer Internship

Harry Potter and the E Street Band

Harry Potter and the Things You Have to do to Get By in Prison

Harry Potter and the It Was All Only A Dream

Harry Potter and the Chamber Pot of Secrets

Harry Potter and the Prisoner Detainees of Azerbaijan

Harry Potter and the Wand of Franchise Extension

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood, the Quadroon, and the Octaroon

Harold and His Big Purple Crayon of Adolescent Yearning

Hal Pot and the Intellectuals of Cambodia

Harry Putter's Magic Golf Game in 21 Weeks

Hairy Potter and the Bears of San Francisco

Harry Potter Fanfic Notes

Harry Potter and the shameless Tom Clancy Crossover

Harry Potter and the 2000 Election

Harry Potter and the HufflePuff Orgy

Harry Potter and the Weapons of Magic Destruction

Harry Potter and the Order of the Pizza

Hermione Granger and the Cryptofascist Misogynist Conspiracy of Hogwarts

Harry Potter and the Bizarro Harry Potter

Harry Potter and the Lil Bratz

Harry Potter and the Street Fighter II Tournament

Harry Potter and the King of Pop

Harry Potter and the Birth of Christ

Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stones in His Mouth

Harry Potter and the Jews and Crusaders

Harry Potter the Geopolitical Realities of the Post-Nuclear Age

Harry Potter and Whoever Alan Rickman's Character is are Totally Doing It

Harry Potter and the Cusp of Manhood

Harry Potter and the Gauntlet of Mucous

Harry Potter and Ma$e feat. Lil' Jon and The Ruff Ryders

Harry Potter and the Insidious Compact Disc Root Kit Installation

Harry Potter and the Gargoyle of Reacharounds

Harry Potter and the Sandwich of Crotchmeat

Harry Potter and the Website of Jokes

Harry Potter and the Incredibly Long Run-On Sentence That ALmost Makes It Look As If The First Three Paragraphs Of The Story Are Actually More Like The First Three Sentences And Then Hermione Says Harry That Dragon Is Attacking You and Ron Is In Danger So Harry Potter Reaches Into His Magic Bag And Removes A Magic Card That He Says Makeus Enlargitus and The Creature On The Card Which Is A Griffin With The Body Of A Zebra But Claws Of A Lion Comes Out Of It And When It (The Dragon) s Defeated Harry Says It Was Voldemort and Hermione Says How Do You Know And Harry Says I Just Know and Ron Goes Gulp!

Harry Potter and the Hendersons

Harry Potter and the Titles of Harry Potter Fanfic We'd Rather Not Read

How about ANY OF THEM?

Harry Potter and the Gang Fan art