Threading the Loopy: today in internet comments

Kristen Stewart is So over your shit

Kristen Stewart is So over your shit

You’d roll your eyes too if you had to deal with this shit every damn day.

So, this thread was started, as many are, over on Gawker or rather the new Defamer where author “Anonymous” (not the one I know) called Kristen Stewart a “serial philanderer.” This is technically incorrect, as one can only philandize once married, and KStew has never been married. Thusly:


Technically she’s not the philanderer: he was. Wednesday 3:29pm



Shhhhhh. This isn’t about accuracy and facts, this is about using a tabloid narrative to destroy a young girl we hate because she’s our fantasy rival who always wins Rpatz from us in our dreams!! Don’t you know anything! Thursday 12:22pm


I can’t help it. I spent a summer in University reading etiquette books and just had to point that out. Saturday 5:26am


Wow. Interesting. I bet this site…and everything in the world, like, always…keeps you busy…doing that. But lame mild insistence that you’re actually not on the side of Bella Swan, and one half of ‘Robsten,’ noted grrl. ;) Saturday 8:51am


Psssst, rosiedublin, he is NEVER GOING TO BECOME AWARE OF YOUR EXISTENCE. Carry on with the rest of your life, and good luck finding purpose in it. Saturday 9:00pm


Um, since I’m not the one roasting his 22 yr old little gf over a spit in rabid vicious jealousy and clawing her face off, I think you better start repeating that mantra to your own cat lady ass or at least the bullying mad cows your pathetically trying to not appear in opposition to.

It’s okay – try this: your next post, just kick Kstew in the teeth once or twice, so they’ll think you’re one of them, my weasly cowardly little lemming. You initially came off as a possible pro Stewart voice in a sea of squalling vipers, with your little ‘philanderer’ correction…and we absolutely CANNOT have that. lol Yesterday 1:33am



See, this is why nobody likes you.

Your first post was lucid, and entertaining, and on-topic. Your second is … well, I’m going to assume you’re drunk. All day. Yesterday 3:30am


Because that’s my goal in life, to be “liked” by sad pathetic bullying cows who attack 22 yr old actresses dating their luuuuuv fantasy sex object. Hahahaha Today 12:30am

You take this amazingly seriously. How many years has it been since you left the house?

PEEWEE with Me!

He's trouble.

He’s trouble.

There are actual real-world advantages to spending as much time as I do on social media. Don’t believe me? FINE! You, then, will not be able to be my date for an 11pm showing of PeeWee’s Big Adventure at the Rio Theatre in glorious uptown Vangroover, just south of The Drive. And why will you be unable to be my date? Because you’ll be sitting in the corner with your fingers in your ears and a pile of electronics around you that you’ve unplugged lest they spy on you through the webcam while you’re asleep, going LALALALALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU SOCIAL MEDIA DOES NOT PAY OFF EYE ARR ELL. Yes, you will.

Here’s the announcement. Now to find a date. Any brave volunteers want to step up?

FREE TICKETS ALERT: “You don’t wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I’m a loner, Dottie. A rebel.” What can we say about Tim Burton’s PEE WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE? It’s a whimsical delight that, like Pee Wee himself, just never gets old. Burton’s career has had an interesting trajectory since this film’s release in 1985; some would argue that he hasn’t made a good film in years and is really just a frustrated set decorator. *What’s your favourite Tim Burton movie and why?* Leave your comment below to maybe (probably) win TWO TICKETS to PEE WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE this Friday at 11:00. Winners (and there will be many, especially if you take a moment to SHARE THIS POST) contacted via Facebook email (check your “other” box so as not to miss out!) and must be 19+. *PLEASE SHARE* this link, it really helps us let people know what we’re doing! Good luck!

And here’s the comment I made that won it for me:

So, who’s the brave person who will consent to be my Plus One for the evening? If you think it might be unendurable, always remember: they serve beer at the Rio. Volunteers please line up in the comments section.

Ja,n; Just Act, Naturally

JAN: Just Act, Naturally

JAN: Just Act, Naturally

Just feast your starvéd eyes on this vision of natural, spontaneous loveliness. She is Ja,n: Just Act, Naturally; she used to be called Jan: Just Act Naturally, but she changed it because…reasons. And she has a Tumblr.

Would it come as a total shock to you that she teaches acting? Look at her: it was either that or interpretive healing dance.

Emmy Speech Master Class Announcement!

My acting master class is dedicated to the most important performance of an actor’s career: the Emmy Awards acceptance speech.

My much sought-after class is back by popular demand!

Meets twice weekly for four weeks. Cost: $899.00. Begins October 5th. Cash only, no personal checks.

To register, email and tell me why you want to be in the class. Admission is based on strength of essay and knowledge of my work.

You can’t have EMMY without EM-ME!

Well, who wouldn’t want to take that workshop? Careful, no stampeding: the line forms on the left. “By popular demand,” yeah, I’ve used that one myself!

But who would spend that kind of money without taking a careful look and doing due diligence and other alliterative investigative thingies. So let us go deep inside the Emmy Speech Master Class and see the hidden truth about delivering a speech in full “I WANT TO LIVE” mode while at the same time remembering to thank your lawyer.

Invest in your future! You never know when you’ll need the assistance of a grateful lawyer.

As someone on Twitter said, “Every day I’m not Parker Posey is a failure.”

The Greatest Holiday Movie of All Space and Time

A Very Depression (I MEAN RETRO) Christmas

A Very Depression (I MEAN RETRO) Christmas

One of the most heartwormy traditions of the holiday season is that of gathering the family ’round for some seasonal entertainment.

We at the ol’ raincoaster blog have our favorites for this time of year: A Charlie Brown Christmas, The Ref, and that greatest of holiday movies, In Bruges.

Why In Bruges? Take a look:

I don’t know what YOUR family Christmases are like, but this is pretty much what mine were always like.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand CUT!

Viggo Peaces Out

Viggo Peaces Out

Strangest direction to an actor ever?

You’re not walking like a Jew, Viggo.

Let’s review:

Well, my first choice for Jew Demonstrating Jewish Walking is a washout, alas, but it did turn me on to one of the greatest websites of all time: JewOrNotJew!

For reference, this walk is virtually part Jewish almost most of the time.

This one is a safe fallback:

Note red carpet, velvet ropes, and soundtrack. Hmmm, is Kanye Jewish too?

Oh, and in reference to the title, if you want to know if Viggo‘s circumsized, you can get The Indian Runner, which has several seconds of full-frontal Viggo. Some frames of which have been moderately photoshopped.

Viggo with muppets

Viggo with muppets by Michaelangelo okay not really.