Category Archives: Movies

Hump Day Unicorn Chaser: Party Time!

Posted on by
and to top it all off...

Ia! Ia! Baby work it! Insanely fabulous!

First things first: who knew the frozen tundra was absofuckingloutely roasting in the summertime? I guess 24 hours of sunlight and no clouds, ever, will do that to you.

The remedy? BOOZE POPS! I’m wondering what kind of rum I can get at the liquor store to mix into these, because the freezer I’ve got can turn a bottle of lukewarm coke into a coke slurpee in about 15 minutes.

Everybody dance now!

via Brosnakes

Yeah, okay. Maybe just that one guy dance, and everybody else watch him. And here I thought hipsters couldn’t move in those skinny pants! The fact that he performs this (and you really have to give it more than 30 seconds) in what looks like the setting for the world’s seediest amateur porn only makes the whole thing more fabulous.

Now that we’ve set the mood, the guests have started to arrive. The occasion, in case you’re wondering: a joint party (no puns, I hate smelly, dull people who mumble nonstop about pizza) for the birthdays of Julian Assange and myself. And look: everyone’s sitting down to dinner.

Happy Birthday, Mister President of Wikileaks

Happy Birthday, Mister President of Wikileaks

Who else was there? Oh, all the top celebrities. And what did they talk about? Each other, of course. And if you click over the jump to the celebrity gossip roundup, you’ll be able to read the whole thing.

Continue reading →

on the existence of Tumblr, of Hogwarts, and of Awesomeness

Posted on by

Oft and oft have I been asked the purpose of that oblique, self-referential sphere of the interwebs known as Tumblr. And as oft as I have been asked, I have either answered or have asked for cash dollars upfront. But here, ladies and gentlemen and the undecided, here at last is the justification for tumblr, laid out as plainly as the schnozz on your pan. This, my friends, cannot be topped, not even by Jake Gyllenhaal on a late and sloppy Friday night.

Enjoy?

 

 

If you got a letter saying you were accepted at Hogwarts:

acciodroobles:

You’d look up from whatever you were doing like:

You would then spend the next couple of days like:

You would then go to diagon alley and you’d be all like:

You’d go from shop to shop like:

Then, on september 1st you’d run through the barrier on platform 9 3/4 like:

You’d meet people on the hogwarts express like:

You would realise they’re just like you and you’d be all like:

Then you would jam for the rest of the year like:

THIS post right here? This is what Tumblr was invented for.

If I Were John Cusack

Posted on by

Well, I dunno about you. I only know about me. I’m solipsistic that way. But if I were John Cusack, I probably wouldn’t record anything as sweet and hipstery-dweebish as this song.

If I Were John Cusack, by Dr Pants and sorry about the All Caps: obviously the lyrics decoder was just trying to give it a bit of hip-hop energy or something.

IF I WERE JOHN CUSACK
I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’D BE LIKE
CUZ I DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT HIM
I ONLY KNOW THE CHARACTERS HE’S PLAYED

IF I WERE JOHN CUSACK
THE CHICKS MIGHT DIG ME MORE
BUT IT DOESN’T REALLY MATTER
CUZ I’M ALREADY MARRIED ANYWAY

BUT IN TRIBUTE TO JOHN, I JUST WANNA SING

LANE MEYER AND LLOYD DOBLER
MARTIN BLANK AND ROB GORDON

IF I WERE JOHN CUSACK
I’D MAKE HIGH FIDELITY 2
AND I’D MAKE IT TOTALLY AWESOME
IT WOULD BE THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE

IF I WERE JOHN CUSACK
I’D STAY AWAY FROM ACTION FILMS
CUZ I WOULD KNOW THE TRUTH
ABOUT HOW IS AMPLE GENIUS IS BEST SERVED

AND IN TRIBUTE TO JOHN, I WILL ALWAYS SING

 LANE MEYER AND LLOYD DOBLER
MARTIN BLANK AND ROB GORDON

JOHN, MY FRIEND, YOU’VE HELPED ME THROUGH A LOT
SO IF I WERE YOU, I’D SHAKE MY OWN HAND
CUZ WHEN MOVIES START TO SUCK, AND THERE’S NOT A GOOD FILM TO BE FOUND
YOU’RE ALWAYS THERE, READY TO TAKE A STAND

John Cusack stars in Quoth Anything

John Cusack stars in Quoth Anything

Lady Judas heralds the gossip links!

Posted on by

Lady Gaga meets Judas Priest. FAR better than you’d expect, I promise.

I TOLD you! Now, here are your rushed-for-time celebrity gossip links for a Friday night:

Continue reading →

Escape from Vancouver Unicorn Chaser links

Posted on by
Vancouver Riots in Lego by Kimli

Vancouver Riots in Lego by Kimli

I guess you could say that’s looking on the bright side. Turning riots into art is a very 21st Century response.

Speaking of art, here is Lani Russworm’s amazing shot of the smoke rising from Downtown. It gives you some perspective on what this riot is doing to our city, and what kind of  city it is.

Vancouver tonight. And how was YOUR evening?

Vancouver tonight. And how was YOUR evening?

I dunno if you’ve been following sports tonight, but I can’t say as it brings me much joy to be in Vangroover tonight: neither because of the loss nor because of the dumbass riots. Yes, we have Ed Hardy-wearing douchebags here, too.

Vancouver Fuck Calm

Vancouver Fuck Calm

So, if you could use a Unicorn Chaser too, here are a lovely roundup of brain-soothing landscapes. Let your imagination pick one and drift away, possibly with the aid of a stiff cocktail or eight.

Manége de l'Hotel de Ville, Paris 1er, France

Manége de l'Hotel de Ville, Paris 1er, France by Gaston Bastini

Sure, t could be considered childish, and you’re just going round in circles, but the view is fabulous and the company charming and decorative.

Or if you’d like to opt out of adulthood altogether, there’s always this perennial favorite:

I only want a one way ticket

I only want a one way ticket

A one-way ticket will be just fine, thank you.

Treehouse of the Elder Gods

Treehouse of the Elder Gods

I think this is where Julian Assange and I will live once he’s paroled. If these cedars are rockin’, don’t come knockin’.

And finally, I’ll let you in on my retirement plans. Screw Florida!

Goodbye, Cruel World! Hello New, Improved World!

Goodbye, Cruel World! Hello New, Improved World!

It’s true: I’d dump Assange in a Cair Paravel minute if Caspian would give me the time of day.

Sigh. There, feel better? Good. Now let’s read some trivia celebrity gossip links and forget all about those nasty, nasty uni-ball-having, hockey-not-playing rioting protoplasms.

Continue reading →