Headline Wars

This round so totally goes to Canada. Why? Well, let’s see…what did the widely respected Guardian have as a front-page headline two days ago?

Queen’s Grandson to Marry in Castle.

Like, duh. You think he’s going to do it in a graveyard at midnight, a Vegas Chapel of Luv, or some unpronounceable South American bureaucrat’s office? No; he’s Peter Fucking Phillips and he is going to goddam well get married at Windsor Castle and we DO NOT NEED A NEWSPAPER to tell us that.

The story, strangely, appears to be offline now. Perhaps they came to their senses, or perhaps I’m not the first to have remarked on the remarkable stupidity of that headline.

And what, you may ask, is this world-beating entry from the Socialist Republic of Canuckistan? Just this:

He’s Eating My Brain! I Can Feel It!

Naturally, it takes more than a grizzly bear attack in which he gnaws on your brain to keep a Canadian down; the fellow actually picked himself up after the bear was done with him and drove himself 25 kilometres to a gas station, where they called for help.

His hands were so swollen and bloody, he could barely get his keys out of his pocket, said Case, an experienced outdoorsman.

“I knew that if I didn’t drive and have the fortitude to control things, I was going to die.”

Case then drove 25 agonizing kilometres to the closest town to seek help. He finally reached a gas station and asked the attendant to call for an ambulance.

“I think my brains are hanging out,” he said. “I don’t know what’s happening here, but I’m alive. I started wiggling my fingers and toes…”

“I said [to the doctors], ‘There’s nothing hanging out that you’re not telling me?’ They said, ‘No, you’re OK'”

“They started using the peroxide and, ‘Ooh,’ I said, ‘that hurt more than the bear!'”

Badassery. We haz it.

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Video from the Chinese Earthquake

Here is some video footage of the actual earthquake in Chendu, shot by a student at Sichuan University. Anybody understand the language? Although I imagine most of the remarks are of the “Oh shit” variety.

The CBC is reporting a minimum of 8500 fatalities from the 7.8 magnitude quake, which centered on Chendu, capital of Sichuan, but has taken lives in three separate provinces.

Chinese Earthquake

In one county of Sichuan — Beichuan — an estimated 80 per cent of buildings were reduced to rubble. The earthquake, felt as far away as Pakistan, Thailand and Vietnam, struck about 100 kilometres northwest of the Sichuan provincial capital of Chengdu, the U.S. Geological Survey said on its website. It hit at 2:28 p.m. local time, when schools were full and office buildings were packed.

People were also killed in the provinces of Gansu and Yunnan, and the municipality of Chongquing…

The Global Disaster Alert and Co-ordination System (GDAC) issued a statement saying the quake could have a “high humanitarian impact” and spark deadly landslides. GDAC, which is run by the United Nations and European Commission, said while the epicentre was in a sparsely populated area, the nearby city of Chengdu is home to about 10 million people.
Thousands are dead after a 7.8-magnitude earthquake struck China on Monday.Thousands are dead after a 7.8-magnitude earthquake struck China on Monday. (CBC)

Calls to emergency response numbers in Chengdu rang constantly busy on Monday, as telephone and power networks appeared to be down in much of the area, making it difficult to get information about the disaster.

“In Chengdu, mobile telecommunication converters have experienced jams and thousands of servers were out of service,” said Sha Yuejia, deputy chief executive officer of China Mobile.

One Israeli student managed to text message the Associated Press from the city, saying there were widespread power outages and water outages.

“Traffic jams, no running water, power outs, everyone sitting in the streets, patients evacuated from hospitals sitting outside and waiting,” the student said.

The Guardian has additional details:

“We felt continuous shaking for about two or three minutes. All the people in our office are rushing downstairs. We’re still feeling slight tremblings,” said an office worker in Chengdu.

The US Geological Survey said the quake was centred 6 miles below the Earth’s surface.

In Sichuan, phone lines were cut and a website for the Aba prefecture, which includes Beichuan county, said the quake had severed several major highways in the region and communications were down in 11 counties.

A chemical plant collapsed in Shifang city, to the south-east of the epicentre, burying hundreds of people and sending more than 80 tonnes of toxic liquid ammonia leaking from the site, state media reported.

Video from Shanghai survivors:

And more video of an evacuation from an unknown location here.

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Control Space and Time

So.

Here it is, 7:53pm and I’m finally ready to experience the Kentucky Derby.

Here’s the thing: I was teaching till mid-afternoon. I knew, if I pushed it, that I could get home in time to watch the Derby live via webcast. I mean, I have no idea if there’s an authorized webcast, but if there isn’t there’s a guy streaming it to YouTube as it happens anyway, so there. And I figured that, of the many, many livecasts that would take place, at least some of them would still be around when I got around to getting there.

You see?

So, there I was in class, and there class was, dismissed, and there I sat and sat and sat, for lo, the woman with the keys failed to manifest until I called her at home and got her to trundle down and lock the door behind me some measurable length of time after class ended, so I’ve had a merry afternoon of posting to the forum, answering email, and playing Garbage really, really loudly.

And there are few better ways to spend an afternoon, actually.

But. At some point I got home and started anticipating the Kentucky Derby, which was over by that point. At first, I was sad, because it was already over; then I realized it was only over as far as millions of strangers were concerned, but not for me. And I’m an eogist egoist. And, apparently, a drunk.

For me, the derby won’t be over till I’ve seen it. And commented on my homies’ blogs: with-malice and theaspiringhorseplayer.

And so, with that in mind, I’ve been tanking up on the Mint Juleps and posting to the technical forum (apparently i develop a fondness for the term ‘sweetie’ when I am being both condescending and drunk) until I’m good and ready to watch the race.

Which I shall do now.

London Calling

Boris is bonked out by the looks of things

Hello to my funnily-accented friends from various quaint backwaters across the Pond.

I understand that congratulations are in order for the multi-ethnic immigrant underdog Al Kemal, new Grand High Vizier of Londonistan.

Yes, the long shot has triumphed over the Career Bureaucrat, despite a few false starts and a campaign website optimized for and displaying correctly on no browser known to science or religion. We at the ol’ raincoaster blog are vastly relieved to be on the other side of the planet, well away from the anticipated violently uncontrollable celebrations of the cricket louts, the derby-topped swarms of bankers lumbering down sidewalks high on Earl Grey and looking for trouble, and of course the looming presence of his old homies in the Bullingdon Crips, who will now become quite impossible to deal with on a reasonable level. One of the most cosmopolitan cities in the world will be under the ruthless control of a small, formerly marginalized group of cronies whose life experiences fall so far outside the norm as to constitute positive aberration.

The hordes have already destroyed Boris’ website (which has crashed) and so the mob furls their umbrellas and moves on to Boriswatch.

Smashing.

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May 10th Anonymous vs Scientology, Round 4

Hmmm, maybe the previous post is some sort of sign?

SEE YOU MAY 10TH IN FRONT OF YOUR LOCAL CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY.

WHYWEPROTEST.NET
XENU.NET
ENTURBULATION.ORG

Hello, leaders of scientology.
We are Anonymous.

We hope you are looking forward to may 10th.

You are the center of attention.
Finally, after all these years, you are getting all the media coverage you could ever ask for.
But there is one problem.
Truth.
Your ruin is not Anonymous.
your ruin are not corrupted Thetans.
Your ruin are not your Sp’s, but the truth that is driving them, driving us.
Truth is your ultimate ruin.
For truth is not on your side
.

Founded by a lying science- fiction writer, You rejected truth from early on.
You have locked this door forever. You have turned your back on it.
Now, after years of silence and silencing, we have broken down the gates,
advancing and stomping over your backs.

This you still fail to understand.
You still fail to understand that it was you who brought us upon yourself.
You still fail to understand that we can not be destroyed by your lies.
You still fail to understand drowning our voices with music does not drown reality.
You still fail to understand that we do not fear your troll accounts and silly advertising, your O.S.A blogs and so- called informative websites. For none of these things contain the one most most powerful weapon of all:

Truth.

It is nothing but more of your bullbaiting, more laughable attempts of intimidation.

You know the rules scientology, and so do we. We knew the game and we played it.
And we have now decided that we have gotten sick of your “Fair Game” policy.
Over ninethousand times you will fail. It’s game over, Scientology.
Your pretty empire took so long to build. Now, with a snap of history’s fingers…
…down it goes.

On may 10th, the fourth wave of global protests will be coming your way.

You simply can not survive the age of information.

Knowledge is free.
we are Anonymous.
we are legion.
we do not forgive.
we do not forget.
expect us.