Category Archives: Politics

Jack Bauer has his day in court

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Imagine if you will Jack BauerJack Bauer, the Dark Knight of the Sunny City, Abyss-staring, Monster-becoming, West Point lunatic-inspiring protagonist of the terrist-huntin’ television hit 24…

in court.

Hmmm. Messy.

There’s all the torture. All the dead people. There’s the gratuitous gunplay, quite palpably not followed up with proper paperwork. I’m even pretty sure there’s a bit on YouTube where you can see him change lanes without signalling.

Background from the Globe and Mail:

Justice Antonin Scalia is one of the most powerful judges on the planet.

The job of the veteran U.S. Supreme Court judge is to ensure that the superpower lives up to its Constitution. But in his free time, he is a fan of 24, the popular TV drama where the maverick federal agent Jack Bauer routinely tortures terrorists to save American lives. This much was made clear at a legal conference in Ottawa this week.

Senior judges from North America and Europe were in the midst of a panel discussion about torture and terrorism law, when a Canadian judge’s passing remark – “Thankfully, security agencies in all our countries do not subscribe to the mantra ‘What would Jack Bauer do?‘ ” – got the legal bulldog in Judge Scalia barking.

The conservative jurist stuck up for Agent Bauer, arguing that fictional or not, federal agents require latitude in times of great crisis. “Jack Bauer saved Los Angeles. … He saved hundreds of thousands of lives,” Judge Scalia said. Then, recalling Season 2, where the agent’s rough interrogation tactics saved California from a terrorist nuke, the Supreme Court judge etched a line in the sand.

“Are you going to convict Jack Bauer?” Judge Scalia challenged his fellow judges. “Say that criminal law is against him? ‘You have the right to a jury trial?’ Is any jury going to convict Jack Bauer? I don’t think so.

“So the question is really whether we believe in these absolutes. And ought we believe in these absolutes.”

What happened next was like watching the National Security Judges International All-Star Team set into a high-minded version of a conversation that has raged across countless bars and dinner tables, ever since 24 began broadcasting six seasons ago.

Jack Bauer, played by Canadian Kiefer Sutherland, gets meaner as he lurches from crisis to crisis, acting under few legal constraints. “You are going to tell me what I want to know, it’s just a matter of how much you want it to hurt,” is one of his catchphrases. Every episode poses an implicit question to its viewers: Does the end justify the means if national security is at stake? On 24, the answer is, invariably, yes.

Because God loves karma just as much as any Hindu, Maer Arar‘s lawyer was also present, and presented his own rather pointed, and highly effective argument: against torture, for trying Bauer.

Practially speaking, over three-quarters of the information gathered through torture is found to be inaccurate or plain lies. It isn’t efficient; it does. not. work. But it’s great television.

When I was studying political philosophy, we got the torture-the-terrorist question on our final exam (hey, some things never go out of style), and oh, how I wish I had that paper with me today, because it was the first perfect paper they’d ever seen in that course. My basic point was that you cannot break moral rules for practical reasons, because you have no control over the outcome (like, if he lies to you), no control over anything whatsoever in this world except one thing: your own actions. If what you actually DO is wrong, then you are wrong. And you must stop.

Can Bauer save your life? Not really; he might be able to postpone your death, but you’re going to die anyway, therefore preventing that through means that might or might not work anyway isn’t a realistic objective. If he gets the right information out of the terrorist, does that guarantee him the time or the ability to do anything about it? Of course not. He can’t control time any more than he can assure immortality.

But seriously, I said it way better, with quotations and everything. The only one I can remember is the most embarassing one, the one I used to conclude the paper, the Chris de Burgh one:

Sweet Liberty is in our hands. It’s part of the plan. Or is it a state of mind?

Those absolutes that Scalia dismisses, I remind you, include the Constitution of the United States of America as well as the Bill of Rights, both of which he is sworn not only to obey, but to uphold in his work on the Supreme Court.

Subverting the Constitution is not the job of the Supreme Court; it is, quite obviously, the job of the White House. Is Scalia thinking of tossing his powdered wig into the ’08 Presidential race? He’s clearly got what it takes.

And don’t you forget it.

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quiz: in a post-apocalyptic world, who would you be?

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Hmm, bit of a surprise here, as I was expecting cyberpunk (does serving lattes to William Gibson for a solid year count for NOTHING?) but then, I have no more faith in technology than I do in human nature!

 

In A Post-Apocalyptic World, Who Would You Be?

 

You are a Bounty Hunter
Take this quiz!
Also, how does that synch up with this:


Which heroic sword fighter are you?

 

You are Joan of Arc, maid of Orleans! You are a born leader. Your strengths include a sharp mind and determination, your weaknesses include a certain degree of self-righteousness and difficulty compromising. You would rather die than betray your beliefs. You are more popular than you realize.
Oh, yeah… you are also quite possibly insane.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

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the Bayeux Tapestry does YouTube

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SO way classier than Debbie doing Dallas. But these guys didn’t take their boots off in the climactic scene either.

Dirty toenails: from porn stars to Norman invaders, an eternal shame.

This is actually a very clever animation of the historic and dignified (far too dignified for the likes of us, actually) Bayeux Tapestry (although not so historic as to not be up to date with, like, totally its own website if not a Flickr account), which documents the Norman Invasion in 1066, one of the few dates I remember from history (hell, I think my last date was in 1067) and my historic in and of itself attempt to get all the way through Will and Ariel Durant‘s entire output. I think they’re JK Rowling‘s ghostwriters nowadays, actually, at least it looks that way from the word count.

shamelessly pillaged from HopeEternal

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my mother, the CIA agent, the Filipino forger, and the meaning of Christmas presents

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I’m kind of disappointed my blogging diploma isn’t from Miskatonic, but that’s nothing a little hacking won’t fix.

The University of Blogging
Presents to
raincoaster


An Honorary
Bachelor of
Self Portraiture

Majoring in
Cutting

Signed
Dr. GoQuiz.com		 ®

 

Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com

And this reminds me, it does, of the time my mother wanted to buy me a Doctorate from Harvard.

She was living in Saudi Arabia, as one does, shacked up with a CIA agent whose job it was to teach battlefield communications to the Saudis. As one does.

Islam was the bane of his existence, as five times a day no matter what they’d all pull out their rugs and face mecca and present a nice, juicy target to the Israelis. No indeed, this did not take him to his happy place, for yea, he was a very conscientious battlefield communications instructor. Over and over he lectured them, over and over he proved that the Israelis could wipe them all out at any of those five, widely known and unvarying times of day. And over and over they happily replied “if the Israelis kill us we will go straight to Paradise as martyrs,” and I believe one of them even made a reference to that bugger, I can’t kill him when he’s praying scene in Hamlet, obviously stretching to try to find some common ground with Jerry the Baptist, out in the wild Arabian desert.

As a sideline, Jerry ran the local casino and house of ill repute, which brought in several times his salary, and which he was allowed to keep because what his bosses were truly interested in was the blackmail material gathered by the tiny cameras placed strategically around the premises. He also had the local distribution rights for Johnny Walker, which was as the mines of King Solomon in terms of putting out the gelt.

Where was I? Oh yes, about to get to the religious police.

Naturally, Jerry was quite conscious of the activities of the religious police. The main trouble with the religious police was, as you can imagine, that they tended to be quite…well, there’s really no way around this, I’m just going to have to come out and say it… quite religious.

And the whole living-in-sin-with-a-Canadian-and-a-socialist-at-that thing was exactly the sort of thing with which they were Not Cool.

At. All.

Now, Jerry and my mother were by no means originals in their living arrangements, which did tend to give a rather louche reputation to even the primmest Mormon that the Yanks sent over, and so, as always happens where there are problems and lots of money around, a man materialized with a solution.

He materialized at the same time every year, swinging through the Middle East like an olden days tinker would swing through, say, Simcoe County, offering his wares.

He was a Filipino forger, and he was a very busy man.

They took one of the American marriage licenses for $250, which is really cheap for a piece of paper that you show the religious police and they don’t have you stoned, when you think about it, really, and my mother pondered long over the very tempting Harvard Doctorate, but decided that even she was not overpaid enough to spend $500 and besides, what would she get my sister, eh? Answer me that!

That year she got a camel saddle and I got a silver veil. Gee, I guess Mom DID love me best, even if she thought I was ugly.

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Albania strikes again…at George W. Bush

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Remember Albanians? We’ve had Albanians around here before (scroll down to the 110 comments on this post for a blast of old Albania). We know what they’re like.

And now, apparently, so does the Decider: watch at about 54 seconds in and see the expensive timepiece on Bush‘s wrist. Then see a friendly Albanian hand wrap right around that wristwatch and see that same Deciderish wrist at minute 1:04, now a watch-free zone.

Nothing says “Borat Doesn’t Live Here” like a stunt even Borat wouldn’t pull.

Also, please do NOT miss the self-congratulatory text from Albania on the YouTube page. A sample:

10th June 2007
A historic date for all Albanians

President Bush is given a hero’s welcome in Albania. This is the first visit ever of a serving president of USA to visit Albania and will be remembered long time, even though it only lasted eight hours.

Albania is the only country where no one has seen any protests against USA or the President. Some even say the Albanians are the most proamerican people on the planet. This is not a hoax. This is a real deal and there is a reason for it.

Why Albanians love Americans? Simply because americans are a freedom loving people and they showed this love in practice many times in the history of Albanians (and other small nations) by defending the Albania’s right to exists as a state despite the appetite of many world powers and neighboring countries to carve and erase the country from the map. e.g. USA’s President Wilson in 1919, at the Paris Peace Conference, was a crucial voice that saved Albania from being ceased as a state…

p.p.s. Bush dropped his watch, time 00:54!
As you may notice in the video, Bush’s wrist watch dropped at some point, but it has been confirmed by media (VizionPlus TV) that it was found by the bodyguards who handed it over to Lady Bush later on. And you will see in many other videos Bush wearing his watch again while entering Air Force One during departure as he waives back to us. If he had a spare watch, most likely it would have been inside the airplane, therefore, there is no doubt that Bush got his original watch back and everything was accidental. So, don’t worry, be happy, time is still ticking on and everything is in Bush’s hands! Kosovo will be Independent soon, think of 4th July 2007 as the day of happening, where we can celebrate together with Americans, The Independence Day.

Of course, the Times and the Guardian are both reporting that the watch was indeed stolen, but hey, if VizionPlus TV says it was lost, then you can bet your bottom lekë it was lost!

Or can you? Check out this theft-corroborating video from Dutch tv, taken at a different angle. If I’m not wrong, you can actually see the thief flourish it in the air before vanishing into the crowd in time-honored thiefly fashion. The plot, if not the welcome, thickens.

Update: The White House says Bush simply put the watch in his pocket, which would be a nifty trick more suited to someone of the flamboyance of David Blaine or at least Siegfried, if not Roy, given that both his hands were in full view at the time and neither ventured anywhere near his pocketses. And where did that guy on the Dutch video suddenly get that watch? Was Bush just passing them out or something?

Snow also said the crowd was “euphoric because we helped make them free….if there was a problem, the Secret Service would have dealt with it. Trust me.”

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