Stonefridge; Monument for the Ages

From Sploid. You know it's a slow news day when you've checked Fark, Guido Fawkes, the Guardian, the Globe and Mail, the Province, BoingBoing, News of the Weird and the ever-reliable Weekly World News and you only find one story worth posting.

This is it.

STONEFRIDGE!

Most people who visit England's historic Stonehenge monument come away disappointed.

In photographs, the ancient whatever-it-is looks impressive with the sun shining through its stone gates and the majestic silence and all that.

But in reality, the sun never shines at all because that's how England is, and there's a huge freeway right next to the monument so all you hear is traffic, and the whole place is overrun with dirty hippies wearing hooded druid robes.

Luckily, there's a much better option.

This is recycling at its most creative. Truly, the artist should be very, very proud, if for no other reason than it keeps those loopy neo-Druids out of my way. Adam Horowitz is reported to be the artist. Hmmm, isn't he in Beastie Boys? O! How the mighty have fallen!

STONEFRIDGE! (detail)

My First Book Review: well, since school anyway, and there we always had to conclude that Dickens was the greatest prose stylist the universe has ever seen

A review of The Dream of Rome, by Boris Johnson, who is on the blogroll over there if you look closely.  And all of this was posted over there anyway, but give the man a click. It's the least you can do since none of my readers will ever vote for a Tory anyway.

First off, I don't review. I opine. This will hopefully excuse much.

As an introduction to the Roman Empire and the reasons for its long-running success, The Dream of Rome is perfectly marvelous. Boris obviously loves his subject, knows it fluently, and isn't afraid to go to the experts when he's at a loss. Picks interesting experts, as well. And of course the writing flows like the river in a Hudson School painting. It's quick, it's beautiful, and it's sometimes challenging.

And, like the contemporary Hudson river, it's sometimes full of crap.

As an explanation of why the EU is doomed to failure, however, The Dream of Rome fails to prove its case. Really, it must be said that it doesn't seem to try very hard. Boris has some policy points to make, and he makes them, but any examination of the EU is glaringly incomplete without mention of our apparently limitless desire to form meta-states like the UN, NATO, G7, NAFTA, etc etc. There is a reason behind this, and it's not mere economic advantage. Nor is it mere ego.

The only emperor-manque the world has who has any sort of real power is Osama bin Laden. So it's easy to see the point of the Americans who don't want his videos and audio broadcast, lest they start a cult of personality. His power comes from the fact that he writes the cheques. Once that stops, he's over.

William S. Burroughs, who had a knack for being as right as he was wasted, wrote a fascinating piece on why we don't have grand Augustus figures anymore. Here it is:

No More Stalins, No More Hitlers

We have a new type of rule now. Not one-man rule, or rule of aristocracy or plutocracy, but of small groups elevated to positions of absolute power by random pressures and subject to political and economic factors that leave little room for decision.

They are representatives of abstract forces who have reached power through surrender of self. The iron-willed dictator is a thing of past.

There will be no more Stalins, no more Hitlers.

The rulers of this most insecure of all worlds are rulers by accident. Inept, frightened pilots at the controls of a vast machine they cannot understand, calling in experts to tell them which buttons to push.

–William S. Burroughs, "No More Stalins, No More Hitlers," from Dead City Radio, Island Records, 1990; and Interzone, Viking Books, 1989.

Operation Global Media Domination: Gay Pirates kick Bloggers Ass

TIAThe raincoaster blog is quite proud and, in fact, almost insufferable about the fact that we have cracked the top 350,000 blogs in Technorati. If you've done better than that, we don't want to hear about it. No, really. We get all weepy and snappish when we hear about that sort of thing unless it's accompanied by a heartfelt "and let me teach you exactly how I did that" email.

PeterPan, I'm talking to you.

And while it's nice to be promoted so my stat counter starts at 30, rather than zero, there's a brief yet heart-stopping period every day when I appear to have negative readers. And we all know my readers are as positive little bundles of human sunshine as it is possible to be, right? Totally, bitches!

In a search term roundup this week, it is quite clear that Gay Pirates kick the ass of all blog-related posts. There are the classic greatest hits: mango porno, Narnia porn, and octopus sewing patterns. And curling. Lotsa curling.

Eagles are good, too. Raptors apparently rank high in the blogosphere; I can see that, you know. Winging through the sky, falling upon their prey like a thunderbolt, soaring in regal isolation, making Technorati their bitch.

PSA:personal ad of the week

"I'm just somebody who is getting up there in years, and I'm looking for a born-again, God-fearing virgin between the ages of 12 and 24 who can bear me children," says Michael Thelemann.Virgins. Virgins, the lot of 'em. But they're all too old for him!

Yesterday, Thelemann posted a new sign, omitting his age requirements and specifying that he's not looking for a "pig-worshipping, heathen, white-supremacist wife."

At least he's not being choosy, eh? But since he's only offering a thousand, it seems to me he's somewhat out of touch with the market for virgins, even in Oklahoma. My mother was offered forty racing camels for me!

Easter Fun: The Easter Bunny Hates You