Category Archives: Seymour

The Covid Briefing Bingo vs the Vampire Woman

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Welcome back, kittens. Seems like we’re here every Tuesday these days, “here” being both online and at Rideau Cottage, the substantial, foursquare, and quite un-cottage-like brick home in which the Prime Minister and his family live. He’s working from home during this, the Second of the Waves, which is why we’re here, and I can’t find myself annoyed by it. God knows, I love to see a man in good outerwear.

It certainly beats the sterile briefing room that we have had since the start of the summer. We may never see Seymour again, but we have seasonal porchscaping instead, and that’s what I call an upgrade!

Yes, I’m taking joy where ever I can find it these days. even in seasonal porchscaping. I ain’t proud.

And yes, we are still naming these posts after old Paul Naschy werewolf films, because it’s 2020 and the idea that things are supposed to make sense is just so 2018. Today’s film is La Noche de Walpurgis, which translates as Walpurgisnacht, but I’m betting you don’t speak German any better than you speak Spanish, so The Bloody Pit of Horror blog gives us a full run-down of all the other names by which this movie goes. You know it’s a totally crap movie when it has aliases. If I were to release this movie I’d do it under an assumed name too.

  • aka: Blood Moon
  • … aka: Night of the Vampire
  • … aka: Shadow of the Werewolf
  • … aka: Walpurgis Night
  • … aka: Walpurgis Night: Wolf vs. Vampire
  • … aka: Werewolf Shadow
  • … aka: Werewolf vs. Vampire Woman, The
  • … aka: Werewolf versus the Vampire Woman, The

We’re going with the last name, because, again, why the fuck not?

Linus’ story is not even the story you are reading right now

Interestingly:

Here is your trailer, which is fun to watch while we’re all waiting for the briefing to start. And here is the full movie on YouTube, in case it’s really, really fucking late.

“Things happen that have never been seen by human beings,” so, basically #Peak2020. Perfect. “See it with someone you hate” oh man, ALL of the taglines from this movie work to sum up this year.

Now, to the cards. We’re overdue for the Seventh Generation card, and it’ll come one day, but that day is not this day. Sorry, kittens, you’ll just have to keep returning to the well. The blog. The RSS reader. The email subscription. I dunno, is the internet many places, or is it all one, and divisions purely arbitrary distinctions born of limited perspectives?

I am speaking, you understand, I am speaking only of the internet.

Oh, right, the cards:

And all the previous bingo episodes are on the Briefing Bingo Category page. Someday we’ll even create a Covid-19 Briefing Drinking Game but we’re in the middle of a sobriety pledge right now (day off to celebrate Freed Jeremy Hammond Day) so get back to us in January.

And here is our actual video for today, which 848 people are currently watching. And now, half an hour late, even us.

We’re jumping into the middle of the questions, but you can tick your “Donc” square at least.

so, yeah, I did that

Mark your “Starts more than ten minutes late” square. So it’s not just us.

Yes, mark your “New porchscaping” square. And I guess if we’re also doing squares that rarely/never change, might as well mark off the “Facial hair” square too. Will we see “cleanshaven” again? I wonder. “Back at Rideau Hall” is clearly in play (cottage/hall, whatever, it’s on the grounds of Rideau Hall). And “Holiday decorations” too, so seasonal porchscaping is a twofer!

Oh yes, mark your “Outdoors” square too. And “Outerwear” as is only right and proper. Rideau Cottage does NOT count as “on location.” Not after all these months. And finally at 23:25, Trudeau emerges from the house to begin the briefing. Mark your “Mask” square.

It was nice of him to wait for me, really it was. And I almost would have made it on time, if I had one of those coffee makers you could program. But I don’t, so I was in the kitchen brewing some Kickass blend. Priorities!

And yes, “Begins in English”. He usually only begins in French if the briefing is in Quebec.

Oh yay /sarcasm, new record daily highs of Covid-19 in multiple provinces. People, have you MET other people? Do you really like them that much, enough to potentially kill them? Even *I* would not go out and socialize with a group of people, and I HATE my roommate (I don’t, I just hate the fact that he lives here, in the house that he owns).

Now we have “Audio issues” and “Touches mic” and I should totally make a square for “Deja vu because we did this in the First Wave” for sending the military in to old folks’ homes.

Update on personal protective equipment, vaccines, and therapeutics: Since last week, we’ve sent more than 2.9 million pairs of nitrile gloves to the provinces and territories. We’ve also sent out 4.6 million rapid tests over the past few months – and millions more are coming.

We’ve received more than 24 million syringes and needles, which we’ll use when we have a vaccine. On that front, we heard promising news yesterday about AstraZeneca and Oxford University’s vaccine candidate. We already have an agreement for up to 20 million doses of it.

We’ve also signed an agreement for up to 26,000 doses of Eli Lilly’s therapeutic drug, and we have options for thousands more doses. This treatment was developed in partnership with Vancouver’s AbCellera Biologics, and is part of our support for researchers here at home.

Originally tweeted by Justin Trudeau (@JustinTrudeau) on November 24, 2020.

He’s doing his OWN summaries on Twitter? How did I not notice until now? Great, thanks, you do my work for me!

“Every step of the way” and “Finds a new way to give Canadians money” squares active for yet another new rent subsidy and wage subsidy. And “Second Wave”.

You can only mark “every step of the way” once per briefing, no matter if he says it a dozen times. Which we might see today.

“Rapid tests” square is active. Trudeau is specifically mentioning the amount of money the federal government is pouring into Alberta. Recent polls have his approval rate there at 55% while the CPC premier’s popularity is down around 30%, so this is perfect game theory in action.

Seriously, Trudeau needs an “every step of the way” intervention.

And there’s your “App” square, half an hour in. 5.4 million Canadians have downloaded it so far. Be like Sasha. Sasha was asymptomatic, but had the app, and got a notification he’d been exposed, so he went in and got tested, only to find it was positive. He’d never have known otherwise.

For once, they didn’t swap out the sign language interpreters. The mind! It fairly boggleth!

I think I need to add a square for microphone bobbling to the Seventh Generation Bingo Card. Which I’ll be making today and posting probably Friday, when there will almost certainly be another Covid-19 briefing.

Meanwhile, in New Brunswick, things are getting fraught.

Tick your “Donc” and “You can see your breath” squares. There are over 900 people watching the video of today’s covid-19 briefing. FINALLY it seems like people are catching on to these, and of course I miss half an hour of it.

And your “Vaccine” square too.

“No one place gets done with Covid-19 until all places are done with Covid-19.”

Interesting. 2800 watching the CTV live coverage of the briefing today, vs about 1000 watching CPAC. And 3200 watching the CBC version too. But then, we’ve always been outliers. still, this is the MOST popular briefing we’ve seen in terms of viewership. I wonder why.

Oh, who am I kidding? It’s clearly that they want to play Briefing Bingo. RIGHT? [hint: the correct answer is RIGHT!]

Shout-out to the moderator, who does not hesitate to yell at the Prime Minister “And again in the OTHER official language” or words to that effect. Can you imagine the job listing? “Must be willing to yell at Justin Trudeau repeatedly.” How did O’Toole not at least apply?

Tick your “Building back better” square, even if it did come from a mere reporter. Also your “Drinks water” square. That was the PM. No idea if the reporters are drinking, but if experience is any guide…well…have you MET one?

Tick your “Twinkleface” square. No idea why he’s twinkling at reporters, but he’s twinkling. Mark it.

Mark your “PPE” square. I wonder how long they’ll have a glass of water on the podium? Ottawa’s bloody cold. To keep it liquid through the winter, they’ll have to replace it with vodka or gin, and wouldn’t THAT be a fun briefing? I really do have to get working on that drinking game.

I need a square for “layered outerwear” because I can see a tie, shirt, fleece jacket, and wool coat. I need a “Five Eyes” square, clearly. Good to see some questions around that. And mark your “Two Michaels” square.

“Coercive Diplomacy” should be a square. So far it’s only been applied to China, but it could have applied to Twunt’s administration as well. And mark your “My aunt calls during the briefing” square. Four Fucking Times. That’s a new personal best.

And that’s a wrap.

Meanwhile, in the US:

The thing about creating an army of losers, aka the Twunt/Q strategy, is that they continue to lose.

But also:

Covid-19 Briefing Bingo: Introducing Seymour

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We have wronged you, people. We have failed you. Yesterday we introduced the Fifth Generation Covid Briefing Bingo Card, and we left one of the squares totally obscure! We apologize: only the most dedicated of raincoaster followers, the fine print readers, would know what was meant by “Seymour.” Bottom right-hand square.

Allow me to introduce you to Seymour.

Say hi to Seymour!

Seymour is the little jade or soapstone or whatever, possibly extraterrestrial green stone sculpture of a lion or a bear or an idol of some undiscovered species of Great Old Ones-worshipping alien that may or may not have been brought to Earth æons ago when the wriggling forms of primitive, protean life squirmed their way out of the mire and stood or crawled in the light of the sun for the first time.

So, yeah. It looks like a Seymour to me. So Seymour it is.

Anyhoodle, here’s today’s video for today’s Covid Briefing Bingo, which we are doing live for the first time since we got sick like six weeks ago, but were told “Oh, it’s not covid” BUT I’M OVER THAT NOW!

Covid Briefing for October 23 featuring Justin Trudeau, Treasury Board President Jean-Yves Duclos, Intergovernmental Affairs Minister Dominic LeBlanc, and Public Services and Procurement Minister Anita Anand, as well as Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s chief public health officer, and Dr. Howard Njoo, the deputy chief public health officer.

Our previous bingo cards:

AND WE ARE OFF!

Check off “reporter sits in front row” and “Blue suit” and “Begins in French” for once, and also “Someone is present only on video” and BAM! Also “Vaccine.” Pretty good first 90 seconds. And ahem, more than one person was wearing “Blue or grey suit with brown shoes which is JUST MORALLY WRONG” so be sure to mark off that accursèd square.

And yet another “Finds a new way to give Canadians money” and “Names specific Canadian Businesses” and wow, also “Throat malfunction”. We’re going to get a row filled in today, I can just feel it! Oh yeah, there’s “Vaccines” again, and also “Drinks Water.”

And there’s “Gavi” from the second generation card. And “Refers to Dr. Tam” again, because she’s right there. Oh yay, we just hit the highest number of cases ever in one day. Soooooooper.

And now we are getting an explanation of how pandemics are, obviously, a social problem, and how following the advice of health experts can contribute to not only saving yourself from infection, but also stop the spread in its tracks. And how we damn well better.

A nice shout-out by Dr. Tam and Dr. Njoo to the Canadians working on fighting the virus through science. And lots and lots about “rapid testing” so mark that square on the Fifth Generation card.

At the 52 minute mark the sign language interpreters get swapped out. Do their hands get tired? That’s a square, so mark it off.

Now to the questions from the media: didn’t notice if there was a “drinks water” in the traditional place, but we got it earlier anyway. Ironically, first question, from APTN, about whether or not Trudeau’s government will meet its goal to lift boil water advisories on reservations by March 2021. And we get “Gosh, things are difficult, look at all we’ve done so far, Covid makes things hard, next question please.”

We do get the “Mentions a reporter by name” which is only fair, as they pretty much all call him either “Mister Trudeau” or “Mister Prime Minister” which, now that I think of it, must be very Freudian for him.

And there’s TorStar offering up the opportunity to give us the “Shades the US” square, but he just won’t do it today. The standard “What if the US goes all to hell on election day?” and the response is basically “Hey, they’ve been doing elections longer than almost anyone on Earth (hello, France) so we have faith they can do it this time.” Does Trudeau know something we don’t? Like that all those FSB hackers have defected and are living in a commune on Vancouver Island somewhere? OOH can you get me Phineas Fisher’s autograph?

That was a very half-hearted “Gesticulates” but it was a “Gesticulates” so mark that square off. Even if it’s thumbs-only, it still counts. Oh wait, now there’s some full-on gesticulation occurring. You can mark it off with a wide dabber now, instead of a narrow felt tip.

Haha, “Every step of the way” I thought we’d never hear that one again. I think that’s on the first generation bingo card.

Pretty awesome to hear more than one organization hammer the water quality on reservation question. Squeaky wheels and all that.

That said, I’m not sure “Okay you tried and failed, why should they trust you to get it right this time” is the narrative the Liberals would appreciate you pushing right now.

I don’t get the focus on rapid testing. The results are currently taking fewer than four days. Anyone can stay home for four days, no? Trudeau seems to agree, calling out “shiny new” things that people focus on, while the government has to ensure that they are both safe and effective before using them on Canadians.

Reporters are beginning to learn they have to say “with regards to this SPECIFIC example” otherwise Trudeau will generalize and macro-POV things till they are essentially meaningless, but comforting. And Trudeau’s out, putting on the mask so mark your “Maple Leaf Accessory” because we’re not going to give you that square every time there are flags present.

We’re not that easy.

So is that annoying little alert coming from my computer or CPAC or someone’s phone or what? Because it’s really fucking annoying. Aw, poopiecaca, and we do not say that lightly, it’s my headphones running out of juice. I may have to bail on this briefing prematurely. And I hate being premature.

Oh my god, have you ever seen anything more Canadian? Ministers complimenting one another on their fluency in the two official languages and being humble about their own abilities.

Okay, there’s your PPE square. I think that’s third generation card. And that’s it, my friends. I’ve got to bring the #Covid19 #BriefingBingo to a close because my headphones died so I can’t continue to use the laptop and The Roommate is watching his reruns and it’s his tv so as we all know the ownership of the means of entertainment (capitalists) are the dominant class (bourgeoisie). I won’t be booting him off the tv any time before The Revolution. And since there aren’t enough of me here to unionize (there’s only one of me, much to the relief of billions and the regret of a few. A happy few) that leaves me pretty much powerless.

See you next time, kittens.