Welcome to my world.

(This is, in fact, the reservoir from which I get my water, a few miles north of here. The North Vancouver city bus goes right there and past, up to the ski hill. This reservoir’s dogs are called Timber Wolves)

This is not the first time cougars, those sleek, troublesome Big Cats have made the news around these parts, and not just because we’re so self-referential. No indeed, cougars, however gorgeous, are often newsworthy for the sheer havoc they leave strewn behind them.

Drunken television hosts enjoying a triple serving of the breakfast of champions.

Why the Today Show waited so long to combine massive martinis, Meredith Vieira and Martha Stewart into a segment is beyond us. After watching two of the most regal small screen dames tip back an early morning stiff one, we’re ready to hand the producers a Daytime Emmy.

Warm text messages and red-hot felony charges.

A Mississippi teacher admitted to cops that she had sex with a 15-year-old male student to whom she sent explicit text messages and trysted with in her Jaguar, which bore the license plate “GRRRRR.”

The rapidly-cooling corpses of the utterly defeated Lee Meriwether and Eartha Kitt.

It’s the original Catwoman, “unretouched & unretired,” in an ad scanned from the back of this week’s AdWeek. She’s ready, at 74(!), to be your brand’s spokesperson.

The shattered hopes and dreams of Ashton Kutcher’s last age-appropriate girl(?)friend.

Wanted: rich older women interested in hot younger guys. Applicants must be over 35, earn at least $US500,000 ($A564,365) a year or have a minimum of $US4 million ($A4.51 million) in liquid assets, entrusted assets or divorce settlement.

That’s the basis of a speed-dating event organised by a New York entrepreneur bringing together 20 ”sugar mamas” and 20 ”boy toys” vetted by an elite New York matchmaker.

”Symbiosis has allowed ugly rich men to attract young, gorgeous, money-hungry women for centuries; it’s now the women’s turn,” proclaims pocketchangenyc.com, the Web site that Jeremy Abelson is using to promote the event.

Ooooh, that reminds me to talk Raj.

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