Category Archives: Singles

the cat lady raps

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and sings. Off-key.

It’s true what Tina Turner said, that rap is a great thing because now you don’t even have to be able to sing to be a rock star. Very egalitarian.

And Jessica Delfino can’t sing, really, well, she’s about as good as I am, meaning she can’t sing, really, but she sure can write a catchy tune, and she raps pretty well for a white girl. As the fellow who put it on YouTube says, “Such a pretty face, such a dirty mouth.” Definitely a winning combination, now as ever.

But is it porn?

I came to the vid from The Apiary, who titled it “Dicks at YouTube Don’t Care Much For Jessy Delfino’s Vagina” via Gawker, who headlined it “YouTube Hates Vaginas.”

CONTROVERSIAL SINGER-SONGWRITER Jessica Delfino‘s latest chart-topping single[sic, I’m supposing this is a joke], “My Pussy Is Magic,” has been expunged from the pages of YouTube. The video–a virtual palimpsest [also sic; I have no idea what they think this word means] of stark images of Jessica tunefully fluttering in front of stark images of vaginas–was banned this morning.

And restored in a coupla hours. There’s something to be said for being Gawked and Aped and (as would have happened inevitablybut is at this moment only waiting in the wings) BoingBoinged and Farked.

As Jessy said on YouTube:

If God had meant us to be naked he would’ve made us that way. Naked women is not porn according to law, so YouTube should move to Iran where it is a crime. Neo-Nazis are bad people.

She may be a little upset. And from her blog:

This morning, “My Pussy Is Magic“, the new dance hit video by me, Jessica Delfino, was removed from Youtube.com for being considered “inappropriate”! Inappropriate my ass! If anyone saw the video, they saw lots of vaginas. Since when are vaginas inappropriate? I came out of a vagina, and so did the makers of Youtube.

The video had reached 20,000 views, and then was removed this morning.

Youtube was bought by Google, and now my poor, rising video was crushed. Does Google censor art!? Write to them and ask!

Well, that pussy is back. Power to the Pussies!

Pussies want to be free.

celebrity sex toys: Brad Pitt edition

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Hokusai Wave 

Ah, Japan. Land of the Rising Sun, the cherry blossom, mystical Mount Fuji, and blithely flaunted sexual perversions that would curl the toes of a back street dominatrix.

How I love you.

Yesterday I finally took a long-delayed trip around Japanprobe, and was not disappointed. There I found delights such as the lonelygirl15 of the East, the video blog of an inflatable sex doll’s day-to-day life in the booths (account now unaccountably suspended, whodathunkit?).

cherry blossoms and Mount Fuji

Among the gems to be found on the site was this, and for it I am truly grateful. Not that I own one. No, no, no, perish the thought.

Besides, I don’t have a credit card.boy and Mount Fuji

I remember with fondness the old Spy article about what Hollywood stars will get up to for money as long as they think none of their real fanbase will ever see it; Peter Fonda as an alien whose ejaculations are so powerful they blow the head off his partners comes to mind (so to speak). Yet, somehow, I suspect that this not-so-little beauty wasn’t exactly approved by the man whose image is being used to sell it to legions of Orientals of both sexes who rationalize, not without some justification, that this is as close as they’re ever gonna get to that cowboy from Thelma and Louise.

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Chad Vader, Night Shift Manager (part 4)

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I’d totally shop at this store. They’re in the credits; at the least, I can encourage my Wisconsonian friends to buy their arugula and sprouts at the Willy Street Co-op.

Provided By:

WE HAVE A LOT MORE SHORT COMEDY VIDEOS; CLICK HERE

Major changes for Chad.

CHAD VADER In Major changes for Chad.

CHAD VADER Interview and more at http://www.splu.net/
GET CHAD VADER T-SHIRTS and other fun stuff through CafePress: http://www.cafepress.com/ch…
Brought to you by Blame Society Productions. …
Written and Directed by Matt Sloan and Aaron Yonda

Chad/Hal – Aaron Yonda http://myspace.com/splu
Clint/Voice of Chad – Matt Sloan http://myspace.com/sloan11
Jeremy – Paul Guse
Clarissa – Christina LaVicka http://myspace.com/christin…
Weird Jimmy – Craig Johnson
Lionel – Bill Bolz
Randy – Brad Knight http://monkeybusinessinstit…
Customer – Kristian Knutsen
Shoplifter – Josh Klessig http://rashfilms.com
Tammy – KeaLynn Kees
Dog – Skyler

Fondle Me Elmo celebrity sex tape

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Well, if this doesn’t get my blog re-labeled Porn, nothing will.

Here is the loathesome apotheosis of all that is hateful about that little shit Elmo; hardcore furry-on-furry-on-furry action. We at the raincoaster blog have always kept a squinty eye on the horrible, giggling homonculus, and not without good reason. Reasons. As Defamer says,

FINALLY A CELEBRITY SEX TAPE WORTH OUR TIME

[Warning: The above video may be NSFW; please check your employer’s policy on viewing sexually explicit material starring plush children’s toys before viewing.]

This is from Poopycaca.com (when you need another fake news source, PoopyCaca is there). Me like.

The tape, made prior to Tickle Me Elmo’s success and fame on Sesame Street, was recently discovered by TMZ.COM working in conjunction with investigative reporters from PoopyCaca.com. “Tickle Me Harder” shows Elmo, who is credited under with the name “El Macho,” in compromising positions with two other actors, “Jack Mo’” and “Steve.”

Publicly, Elmo made a brief statement to reporters saying only, “Elmo no like.”

Well if you watch this video, you’ll have to disagree. It appears that Elmo likes it. He likes it hard!

Lucy Gao, meet Aleksey Vayner, the man of your dreams

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Dance, monkey, dance!from IvyGate, the States‘ own version of Oxford Gossip, via Gawker.

This is Aleksey Vayner, Lucy Gao‘s soulmate, the perfect Also-Descended-From-Former-Commies-But-So-Way-Over-That, soulless, careerist golem.

Someone please set them up on a date immediately and give them a reality show.

Given a good stylist and continued coverage, they could be the Posh and Becks of Wall Street in no time!

Mr. Vayner identifies himself on his resume as a multi-sport professional athlete, the CEO of two companies, and an investment adviser. The video depicts him lifting a 495-pound weight, serving a tennis ball at 140 miles an hour, and ballroom dancing with a scantily clad female. Finally, Mr. Vayner emerges enrobed in a white karate suit and breaks six bricks in one fell swoop.

Between athletic bits, Mr. Vayner takes the opportunity to opine on success. After being described in the opening lines of the video as “a model of personal success and development to everybody,” Mr. Vayner says, “Failure cannot be considered an option.” He adds: “To achieve success you must first conceive it and believe in it. Remember: impossible is nothing.”

It is also, according to Mark Duffy, the tagline for Adidas. According to IvyGate, Vayner‘s plaguarized a book on the Holocaust, invented a charity, and has listed himself as CEO of an investment company which appears to exist only in his imagination. What a charmer; Donald Trump should be looking over his shoulder!

But that’s only the tip of a huge and hilarious iceberg. Turns out Aleksey is somewhat infamous among Yalies as the “Crazy Prefrosh” profiled in 2002 by Yale‘s Rumpus tabloid. If you thought Vayner’s credibility was shaky after seeing the video, wait til you read the profile. It is devastating.

For starters, his name back then was Aleksey Vayner's Model Mayhem shotGarber. He claimed to have spent much of his childhood in a Tibetan monestary in post-Soviet Uzbekistan before moving to the United States, where he was employed by both the Mafia and the CIA. He was also a tennis instructor whose students include Harrison Ford and Sarah Michelle Gellar. And oh yeah: he met the Dalai Lama along the way and is the second greatest martial arts fighter in the world.

Let us now take a good, long look at how the second greatest martial arts fighter in the world and no doubt future father of Lucy Gao‘s squealing brood, wants the world to remember him: