The Giant Squid has many secrets, some speakable, some unspeakable. But they may be as nothing compared to what we have found out about the hitherto-thought-to-be-entirely-or-at-least-in-all-likelihood-harmless Vampire Squid. Simpletons! You ask me why I have a “thing” about Squid.
I tell you I am your safeguard. If not for this warning, how would you ever know?
First they came for the Krill, and I said nothing…then they stayed for dessert…where was I?
It all started out so innocently. Great Cthulhu‘s pal Yoggi had recommended a great new book that he’d discovered at Comic-Con. When Great Cthulhu heard the intriguing title, he decided to check out the competition:
That was just the start. What followed was more than mortal mind could bear; the diabolically warring pantheons, pitted against one another to the death in an unholy war whose fury warped the very fabric of space and time, fought and tore, destroying universes uncounted in their savage thirst for victory. Finally, there were only two left. What happened then remains an unspeakable secret to this day…or does it?
An ancient representation purported to be an actual, contemporaneous image of the final confrontation has surfaced. Make of it what you will, but in the name of all that is holy, do NOT stare at it directly. Use a handy mirror or goggles to protect yourself from the annihilating horror of the eldritch image you are about to view.
I have been informed that my vacation sponsors up here in Podunkaville can’t or won’t see their way into bankrolling my participation in National Drunk Blogging Day. Imagine! What’s the point of three week’s free vacation with a view, a hot tub, a fireplace, and a wall full of DVDs if you have to enjoy it sober? I ask yez.
So I have a plan.
1) Move the date back. This part is easy! Pick a date when 2. is available
2) Obtain booze sponsor. This means either Molson’s, who’ve been very, very good to me in the past, or a wine company, as getting a gin sponsor for this would be a) difficult (believe me, I’ve tried to get gin sponsors before) and b) massively destructive to one’s liver, as one must have one drink per post, and I make my Martinis on the large side.
So, anyone interested in hooking us up with some tasteh, tasteh C2H5OH, just let me know.
which is a reference to a noirish Robert Bloch Christmas story you probably haven’t read, but when you realize he’s the guy who wrote Psycho, you’ll sort of get the idea.
[Update: I have been informed that the segue between Bloch, raincoaster, and Cthulhu is too abrupt: I would have thought it a continuum, rather, but here we go with the explication: Bloch was a pal of HP Lovecraft’s. HP Lovecraft wrote the Cthulhu Mythos stories, and Bloch wrote a couple himself, inspired by the master. raincoaster is…well, raincoaster.]
So, what did raincoaster do today?
Had lunch with a pal and got a nice tour of the Naramata Bench or portions thereof, narrated. What is the point of a drive without a story, I ask yez?
Spent several so-far-fruitless hours trying to get the new Jesus Phone activated (The Sister is paying, The Sister is in Ottawa, the Fido company insists on her being physically present with the credit card. ALTHOUGH they accept internet orders, but then she’d have to mail me the SIM card. Fortunately, I’m up in PTown and the standards of service here are nothing short of consistently amazing, and I say that as a jaded city dweller, so the Fido store manager at Cherry Lane is working it out with the store manager at Bayshore so my sister can go in, present her card, and Cherry Lane will instantly get the phone up and running and call me to come pick it up, which is more than I’d expect of any shop in Vangroover over the Christmas holidays and that’s for sure and certain, but where was I? Oh yes, closing the parenthesis).
And did you know that in PTown the most desirable real estate is in the zone called “Between the malls?” Yes, just downhill from the industrial flats. Just what I’m looking for in a home: waddling distance to Zellers and the food court.
Then, came home, made a dinner of tortellini and what I thought was leftover pasta sauce with sliced mushrooms but turned out, once I’d stirred it a few times, to be tomato sauce with greyish noodles shaped like chubby fish, but what the hell. Add some basil and it’s just like Ragu, right?
Then attempted to get some decorations up around the place (which I am only house-sitting, so it’s not exactly my style) to make it look homey. Think I’m doing pretty well, don’t you?
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, he decided to check out the competition:
raincoaster 