Ten Top Trivia Tips about Cthulhu!

 

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Cthulhu!
from the Mechanical Contrivium

Nice tats!

  1. Cthulhu cannot burp – there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in its stomach.
  2. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are Cthulhu.
  3. The number one cause of blindness in the United States is Cthulhu.
  4. 99 percent of the pumpkins sold in the US end up as Cthulhu.
  5. Cthulhu invented the wheel in the fourth millennium BC.
  6. Peanuts and Cthulhu are beans!
  7. Apples are covered with a thin layer of Cthulhu.
  8. at least unless he buys you dinner first!In Japan it is considered rude to talk with Cthulhu in your mouth!
  9. It took Cthulhu 22 years to build the Taj Mahal.
  10. Cthulhu once came third in a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest.

Oh dear god, please don’t let #7 be true!!!

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pic o’ the day: Premonition by Beth Cavener Stichter

Sent along by Lori, and much appreciated, particularly as it relates to some of the more informed comments on this post, in which Shakespeare loses the smackdown to a million blogging Lovecrafty Squid.

if this is the premonition, I can't say the future looks bright

Show me the luv at the Bloggie Awards, people!

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PSA: Imam Mahdi is coming. Look righteous.

the imam mahdi, ETA May?

It’s true. Iran says so.

An official state media website in Iran has posted a message heralding the coming of the Shiite messianic figure, Imam Mahdi, noting he could arrive with Jesus by the spring equinox.

No word on whether they’ll need a double room or two singles.

Buddy Christ

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weirdness roundup: also-rans

weird al mona lisaHere’s a brief taste of weirdnesses I cruised or missed which didn’t make it into the ol’ raincoaster blog, for one reason or another. If it’s Santa-related or Squid-related, you can assume the reason it didn’t get into the blog has to do with the fact that I copied it to the hard drive at home before the cable went out and haven’t been back to get it. Otherwise, it’s the kinda thing where I looked at it and said Nah, we’ve had too many Darth Vader Sticks Up a Drive Through stories recently, and I just skipped it.

He-Man Sings Four Non-Blondes. The reason I didn’t post this is simply that I figured everyone on Earth had seen it, but I found out today that’s not true. So here it is. Break out the rainbow legwarmers and glow sticks and put on your dancin’ shoes!

An Aussie roundup of world-wide weirdness, all of which escaped the blog except the Brazillian who blowed himself up.

I’d a used this one if I’d seen it in time:

In Cologne, a plastic surgeon cheated out of payment by two women using fake names gave “wanted” pictures of their enlarged breasts to police.

I’ll BET they were wanted!

Rich people getting ripped off on luxury items. You see these from time to time and every time I think: This is news? This is justice, baby!

The best of Dear Prudence. I’ve read it. There IS no best. Dear Prudence, please shut the fuck up.

Predictions, particularly by people who were wrong in the past, and who start their prediction stories by listing instances of them screwing up last year. What hurts most when I read these is realizing he was paid just as much for “I was wrong when I said Britney and K-Fed would have a girl” as “And today the the weird eyeSudan was invaded by Ethiopia…”

Public opinion polls, particularly contradictory ones. If I wanted to know what the common people thought, I’d go to the bloody beer store and I’d ask them.

Praise be to Fark, which is a year-round source of insanity upon which I have come to rely. And some day I’ll even figure out how to register there. Maybe.

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sex lives of the Great Old Ones

Saturday Night Undead!

Seriously, if this is how they choose to do it with one another, is it any wonder that gods generally prefer to do it to humans? At least they can’t fight back!

Forget Zeus and all that bestiality schtick, and never mind that eggnog is the ectoplasmic emanation that really got the Virgin Mary pregnant. This is what happens when they go at it one-on-one, hidden by the numinous dark in the depths of the sea. Cthulhu ain’t no Valentino, that’s for sure.

“The male giant squid has to use a puny 15-gram brain to coordinate 150 kilograms of weight, 10 metres of length and a 1.5-metre-long penis,” he says. “He physically plunges this penis into the female’s arms, which are rather unfortunately right next to her beak. Because he is coordinating so much with so little, I think occasionally bits get chewed off when they inadvertently get too close to the beak.”

Oh, but you know he likes it rough! Still, an excellent lesson in how NOT to ask for oral sex. Guys, are you taking notes? I really don’t want to have to go through this again. Which reminds me, what is Bill Clinton doing these days?

Oh! My virgin eye! (Psst, wanna t-shirt of this? Click on it!)

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