Category Archives: Unicorn Chaser

Hump Day Unicorn Chaser: Julian Assange and Private Carleton, FIRST CLASS edition

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I don’t know about you (at all. I mean, you could be anyone out there, doing anything, and if you’re the guy who first posted the comment “I can’t fap to this” on a YouTube video, I want to take you out for a drink. But where was I?). I only know about me. Normally, this is enough for me. I’m self-centred. All my personalities are.

But if you were me, you’d be thinking this would make a mighty fine unicorn chaser on a Wednesday hump day.

Julian Assange may still be a little screwy

Julian Assange may still be a little screwy

Because why not? It’s always good to meet a man with his head screwed on right.

And if you’re allergic to Assange, as many of my friends are, then here’s a jaunty US soldier dancing like Carleton from Fresh Prince on top of an armored personnel carrier or tank or some big, macho-type people mover thingy while rockets fly behind him. Like a boss!

Dancing like Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel Air on top of a M1068 in full gear, while MLRS rockets fly behind me.

Song “Its not unusual” By Tom Jones

Not in Basic Training, No I wont get in trouble for this.

All that AND Tom Jones? I’m in love.

Hump Day Unicorn Chaser: Heavy Metal Mashup Edition

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No, I’m serious. Heavy Metal Mashups make an excellent Unicorn Chaser, particularly when mashed with Bollywood music. Click Play and trust me.

Iron Maiden vs Dhoom2

There, have your feet stopped moving? Aren’t you happy now? Grateful to me? You damn well should be, you ingrates. Here I am chained to a laptop in the accursed, barren land of Vangroover…

Vangroover, people. Yeah, this is the view

Vangroover, people. Yeah, this is the view

yeah, forget I said that. Anyway…I’ve got a lovely roundup of Unicorn Chasers for you today, including not just one but TWO, count ’em, TWO musical interludes. Here we present a Mexican Mariachi band (there is another kind of mariachi band?) performing that old Pink Floyd classic, The Wall.

Awww. And as if that weren’t enough, here’s the now-famous Boob Flash at tonight’s Canucks game. I seriously think the Green Men may be out of a job.

Contrary to the title, the boobs are not actually flashbulbs

Contrary to the title, the boobs are not actually flashbulbs

And to make your Wednesday complete, we have yes, another roundup of celebrity gossip links! Oh! My! God! Can you freaking STAND it?!?!

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Van Gogh Unicorn Chaser

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It’s hump day again. And you know what THAT means: unicorn chaser time! Today we have a roundup of happy swirling stars and happy swimming orcas.

Your swirling, starry night Van Gogh unicorn chaser:

Starry, starry, queaze-inducing night

Starry, starry, queaze-inducing night

and if that doesn’t make you feel all numinous and tingly, here are some shots of some killer whales (if the name isn’t cosy enough, try “orcas”) visiting Vancouver like a pod of bosses. Congrats to Dave Price, who got these shots which were featured in the Province newspaper. Burrard Inlet is generally too noisy and sometimes too polluted to attract whales, and no pods make it part of their regular territories. That seawall, by the way, is my regular rollerblading route. There are compensations for the rain, it must be admitted.

Orca under Lions Gate Bridge, Stanley Park Seawall and Siwash Rock in the background

Orca under Lions Gate Bridge, Stanley Park Seawall and Siwash Rock in the background

Orcas in the West Endq

Orcas in the West End

Orcas with North Van in background

Orcas with North Van in background

Orca whale tail flip in English Bay

Orca whale tail flip in English Bay

Post-Hump Day Julian Assange Fluffer Unicorn Chaser

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Sorry about yesterday: I was travelling and then I was pubbing and then I was sleeping. If I know my audience, you could probably use a dose of cheery-uppy videos and whatnot by this point in the week, so here you go: today’s unicorn chaser roundup

Yes, I bet you didn’t know Public Enemy #1, Information Anarchist and James Bond Villain Julian Assange was a fluffer. But now, we have the evidence:

julian assange is a hardcore fluffer

julian assange is a hardcore fluffer

What? WHAT??? He is TOO straight.

Do click on the image and read the amazing Julian Assange/Harry Potter fanfic. I got no farther than “and he reached into his pants (obviously for his mobile phone)” before losing it completely.

Speaking of gifs of hot men and losing it completely, here is a gif of Prince Harry being adorable with an adorable little kid. Ladies, fasten your ovaries, because they’re going to make a break for it.

Prince Harry is present and accounted for. My ovaries? Not so much.

Prince Harry is present and accounted for. My ovaries? Not so much.

Young Boy: The prince! Where?

Prince Harry: I’m here, it’s me. Sorry to disappoint, but it’s only me

Yeaaaaah. Winning: that’s what it really looks like, Charlie Sheen.

And now for a little dance music: Let’s Dance by Nouvelle Vague, with video from Godard’s Bande à Part. Watching Serge Gainsbourg move, you can see what Fran Lebowitz meant when she said, “People who say they’re really good at dancing mean something entirely different by it.”

And if that hasn’t satiated your appetite for mindless, soothing feel-goodism, here are the celebrity links! Aren’t you excited?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!

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English Bay Unicorn Chaser

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English Bay Clouds by SmuttySteff

English Bay Clouds by SmuttySteff

via SmuttySteff on Instagram

That’s the view of English Bay from the beach. Yes, I live here. You may envy me now.

Now, let’s get some Godzillacorn rainbows up in here:

I believe in Godzillacorn!!! and Rainbows!!!

I believe in Godzillacorn!!! and Rainbows!!!

And if that’s not enough for you, here is my YouTube homeboy Nick Pitera singing a medley of Disney songs. Yeah, yeah, I know he’s got a job doing animation at Pixar and all, but the fact is he should be starring in Pixar movies, not just drawing them. Click, listen, and just TRY to deny it.

If that’s still not enough, click over the jump for today’s roundup of celebrities on whom you can look down. Schadenfreudey!

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