Everything I need to know about America I learned from YouTube

I'll have a double chili nihilismdog to go

I'll have a double chili nihilismdog to go

It’s true, though. It’s not like America is complicated anymore.

Back in 2001 (nearly a century ago, if you don’t think about it too hard) the New Yorker published a truly ground-breaking article on the ways that Powerpoint (itself around and changing worldviews since 1987) was reducing the American capacity for original thought.

PowerPoint, which can be found on two hundred and fifty million computers around the world, is software you impose on other people… The usual metaphor for everyday software is the tool, but that doesn’t seem to be right here. PowerPoint is more like a suit of clothes, or a car, or plastic surgery. You take it out with you. You are judged by it—you insist on being judged by it. It is by definition a social instrument, turning middle managers into bullet-point dandies.

But PowerPoint also has a private, interior influence. It edits ideas. It is, almost surreptitiously, a business manual as well as a business suit, with an opinion—an oddly pedantic, prescriptive opinion—about the way we should think. It helps you make a case, but it also makes its own case: about how to organize information, how much information to organize, how to look at the world.

and, as anyone familiar with human interaction or communications theory could tell you, the way you get information about the world changes your concept of the world, and that in turn changes the world in which you live, if you do in fact live and not just exist. And what does this have to do with burgers, YouTube, and America? Plenty, my friends, plenty.

Think about this: the greatest technological success story of our time is Twitter, which limits what you can say to 140 characters; or we can equally say that it gives you 140 characters of void to fill with existential screaming. Some people have to pad to make the word count.

You thought I was kidding, didn’t you?

Think about the Tea Party, and think about exactly how deeply its members are thinking about the most important issues of the day. You can’t say their politics are not heartfelt, but you’d be hard-pressed to defend this particular capito-populist tribe as an intellectual movement. They make Pat Buchanan look like Bill Kristol. On the opposite side, a relatively intellectual President had to dumb down his message to single-word talking points; not much room for nuance when it has to fit on a Shepard Fairey poster.

 

Shepard Fairey Barack Obama

Shepard Fairey does Barack Obama in words of one or two syllables

And of course, popular culture is debased to the point where the Kardashians have not one but two television series among them, simply because sister Kim has a sex tape and a legendary caboose. It’s not exactly Witness to Yesterday, my friends.

So, yes, everything you need to know about the USA right at this moment, you can get from two brief YouTube videos and twenty or thirty minutes of cogitation thereon.

Here is the greatest scene from Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle that does not have Neil Patrick Harris in it:

Now that immigrant can-do-ism and aspirational capitalism have been explained, it’s time to take on geopolitics, and who better to tackle that nest of vipers than Team America, World Police?

That is all ye know on Earth, and all ye need to know.

Quiz: What part of Thanksgiving are you?

We’re not being premature here: we’re being Canadian. Very few people outside of my mighty nation-state know Canadia has their Thanksgiving in October, before the Great Ice Spirit moves in and crushes us all to the ground, all but the mighty Ice Truckers. But it’s true.


You Are The Cranberry Sauce


A little sweet, a little sour – you’ve got the flava!

Though, you do tend to squish in people’s mouths…

As to that last bit, well, you’ll have to ask my last boyfriend…if you can dig him up (uh, I mean find him).

Pole Dancing: Raising the Bar

Pole Dancer Jenyne Butterfy raises the bar

No word from the sponsoring federation on whether or not this talented performer won the US National Pole Dancing Championships, but surely it’s gotta be hard to beat a woman who can shoot light out her ladybits.

Related, more flexy dancer.

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Back to the Return of the Future!

How Grad School is just like Kindergarten

Good to know, good to know. Particularly as I’m spending a significant amount of my not-free time looking up and applying to radically progressive grad programs in social media for social change, which leaves me approximately three choices on Planet Earth as far as I can see: Leeds (which I cannot afford), Stanford (which I cannot afford), or SFU’s new school of Technology, Communication and Arts which I also can’t afford but which is about a half a mile from my apartment and where I’d have the inside line on scholarships, bursaries, research dollars, and have pre-existing connections up the wazoo in the community that I’ll need when it comes time to do research, which is kinda the whole point of doing the degree in the first place. Then again, I may be teaching at UBC later on this year, and that generally comes with free tuition, so that’s something. Still, they have nothing like what I’m looking for.

But aside from what I’m looking for (for what I’m looking? Don’t try to tell me that’s correcter; do I look like I was borned yesterday? Hell no, and particularly not before I’ve had my coffee) what I’m actually expecting is something like this, only with chubby, pasty nerds instead of princes:

And, in case I get into a UK university and figure out a way to pay for it, I’m way ahead. After all, I’ve already got the socialization manual:

How to approach a stranger in London

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Canadians Win: The Cure for Black Sunday

As presumably even penguins in the Antarctic are now aware, on Sunday the Canadian Men’s hockey team lost to the US team for the first time since 1960; this day is now known as Black Sunday or, in the US, as the “Miracle on Ice” because that country ran out of ideas after inventing disco and they’ve just been stealing from the Japanese and the English ever since, and have to reuse old names.

This is what it looked like:

All you need to know about Black Sunday

Seriously, that’s all you need to know about it, other than the one thing nobody knows: how much Brodeur took to throw the game.

And this is the smashingly effective Canadian Comeback:

Canada wins, cuz at least we have health care

Which means we don’t have to worry about things like this…

Rachel Bilson gets a smallpox surprise

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