Category Archives: Weird

James Bond, where are you when we need you?

Posted on by

Miss Tibet, 2005And don’t tell me he’s here. Daniel Craig may be a fine actor and a decorative one at that, but he’s just no James Bond.

But, in that, he’s set the standard for spies around the world today. Not only do the Americans have problems with their middle-management selling them out for a powerboat and a two-bedroom condo in South America, but apparently India‘s spies are not exactly equipped with nerves of steel. Nerves of spun glass perhaps. Got this via Fark.

Miss Tibet and Miss China, 2002. You won't be seeing this tableau again soonEVERY beauty pageant comes with its requisite dose of melodrama: temper tantrums, lost tiaras and controversial disqualifications.

But this year’s Miss Tibet contest took the customary histrionics to new heights when it opened yesterday in Dharamsala, the Indian town where the Dalai Lama has lived since fleeing his homeland.

On the eve of the competition, one entrant was ordered to withdraw because she serves in a covert Tibetan unit of the Indian Army specialising in high-altitude combat. Pema Choedon, the soldier turned beauty queen, was so upset that she had a panic attack and was taken to hospital.

That’s some combat specialist! I bet Sandra Bullock could kick her ass!

Miss Congeniality, being uncongenial

In ass-kicking news, the one Tibetan who could give Bond a run for his money in the Cool department says he wants a shot at the crown as well.the swimsuit competition. Believe me, nobody's too eager for him to get this idea anytime soon

When the first contest was held, the government-in-exile’s prime minister denounced it as “un-Tibetan” and “aping Western culture”.

The Dalai Lama has since softened the official line.

“If there is Miss Tibet, why not Mr Tibet?”

Canada vs pot

Posted on by

 hey, like, go fight 'em, eh!

I know! You don’t see a headline like that every day, eh?

It seems that, like many another battle-scarred force before them, the Taliban has begun to take refuge in marijuana.

Canadian troops fighting Taliban militants in Afghanistan have stumbled across an unexpected and potent enemy — almost impenetrable forests of 10-feet (three metre) high marijuana plants.

General Rick Hillier, chief of the Canadian defence staff, said on Thursday that Taliban fighters were using the forests as cover. In response, the crew of at least one armored car had camouflaged their vehicle with marijuana.

It’s called the Mystery Machine, and they just forgot to run it through the car wash after investigating the haunted commune near Nelson, okay?

Actually, I’m just loving the idea that the Canadian DND purchasing department may soon be placing bale orders for the stuff to camouflage the armored vehicles. Who needs depleted uranium and kevlar when your APC is wrapped in a thick layer of BC Bud and Kandahar Candu, eh?

And, no doubt, a dense cloud of smoke.

“We tried burning them with white phosphorous — it didn’t work. We tried burning them with diesel — it didn’t work. The plants are so full of water right now … that we simply couldn’t burn them,” he said.

Even successful incineration had its drawbacks.

“A couple of brown plants on the edges of some of those (forests) did catch on fire. But a section of soldiers that was downwind from that had some ill effects and decided that was probably not the right course of action,” Hiller said dryly.

One soldier told him later: “Sir, three years ago before I joined the army, I never thought I’d say ‘That damn marijuana’.”

Big Bird molested by tiny tv star

Posted on by

Big Bird molested by Maria Menounos

Well, what can I add to this? It’s shameful the way these Sesame Street stars no longer even bother to hide it.

Not everyone knows that Entourage was originally based on Sesame Street, but the Children’s Television Workshop put the kibosh on that plot point and made them change it, on pain of having to go without kneecaps or the letter R for the rest of their lives.

Defamer has the sordid backstage tale.

A tense moment passed between Access Hollywood‘s Maria Menounos and Big Bird, when the Sesame Street star began to suspect that the reporter’s wandering hand was engaged less in the sensual caress that he demanded than in a fumbling search for his rapidly engorging avian member.

Truth be told: I have no idea who that chick is, but I’m smart enough to know that hawt brunette-on-bird action is gonna be massive for hits.

Now if only I could find that pic of Lauren Hutton and Rolf Harris’ emu…

the cat lady raps

Posted on by

and sings. Off-key.

It’s true what Tina Turner said, that rap is a great thing because now you don’t even have to be able to sing to be a rock star. Very egalitarian.

And Jessica Delfino can’t sing, really, well, she’s about as good as I am, meaning she can’t sing, really, but she sure can write a catchy tune, and she raps pretty well for a white girl. As the fellow who put it on YouTube says, “Such a pretty face, such a dirty mouth.” Definitely a winning combination, now as ever.

But is it porn?

I came to the vid from The Apiary, who titled it “Dicks at YouTube Don’t Care Much For Jessy Delfino’s Vagina” via Gawker, who headlined it “YouTube Hates Vaginas.”

CONTROVERSIAL SINGER-SONGWRITER Jessica Delfino‘s latest chart-topping single[sic, I’m supposing this is a joke], “My Pussy Is Magic,” has been expunged from the pages of YouTube. The video–a virtual palimpsest [also sic; I have no idea what they think this word means] of stark images of Jessica tunefully fluttering in front of stark images of vaginas–was banned this morning.

And restored in a coupla hours. There’s something to be said for being Gawked and Aped and (as would have happened inevitablybut is at this moment only waiting in the wings) BoingBoinged and Farked.

As Jessy said on YouTube:

If God had meant us to be naked he would’ve made us that way. Naked women is not porn according to law, so YouTube should move to Iran where it is a crime. Neo-Nazis are bad people.

She may be a little upset. And from her blog:

This morning, “My Pussy Is Magic“, the new dance hit video by me, Jessica Delfino, was removed from Youtube.com for being considered “inappropriate”! Inappropriate my ass! If anyone saw the video, they saw lots of vaginas. Since when are vaginas inappropriate? I came out of a vagina, and so did the makers of Youtube.

The video had reached 20,000 views, and then was removed this morning.

Youtube was bought by Google, and now my poor, rising video was crushed. Does Google censor art!? Write to them and ask!

Well, that pussy is back. Power to the Pussies!

Pussies want to be free.

Canadian Content vid: Lorne Michaels terrific with beaver

Posted on by

That’ll teach him. Everybody knows to stay away from those shrill, self-centred beavers; they’re nothing but trouble. Even if they allow you to bill yourself as “the tall, good-looking one.”

With bonus coverage of Canada’s national tragedy: Dutch Puck Disease.