Your Moment of Existential Horror

Skeleton Mirror is emo, reflects  only darkness

Skeleton Mirror is emo, reflects only darkness

I have no idea why we’re on this big Video Kick lately, particularly as we’re working on a computer that refuses to update Flash to something dating to this century, but we are. One is using the Royal We, of course. One wouldn’t mind using the Royal Wee on Prince Hot Ginge, whose birthday it is, should one ever get a chance with that nasty ginger, but it appears unlikely, as he does not travel in our elevated social circles. But I digress.

One digresses.

Here is one video that will simply creep you right the fuck out. It’s 1962 footage of the late Kenneth Stevens, Clarence J. LeBel Professor Emeritus of Electrical Engineering and Computer Science at MIT, saying words. Saying words while being X-rayed. I’m not sure what possible super-powers one might receive from a session like this; perhaps alliteration? the ability to extemporize in rhyming couplets (rap)? But certainly the ability to live on as a creepy YouTube video. His official obit from MIT is interesting.

Stevens is best known for his “quantal theory of speech,” which explored why — despite the apparent diversity of sounds across different languages — human speech actually exploits only a small fraction of the sounds that the vocal tract can produce.

In 1952, while Stevens was completing his doctorate, the MIT linguist Morris Halle, together with colleagues Gunnar Fant and Roman Jakobson, proposed that all human speech sounds could be described as combinations of 20-odd “distinctive features,” such as the placement of the tip of the tongue, the shape of the tongue, whether the glottis (voice box) was opened or closed, the shape of the lips, and so on.

Stevens, who collaborated closely with all three men, observed that these distinctive features seemed to describe configurations of the vocal tract’s “articulators” — such as the tongue, glottis and lips — in which small deviations had little effect on the sounds produced. This is by no means true of all configurations: In most cases, small deviations would actually yield large sonic differences. But, Stevens argued, language users would naturally converge on the more stable configurations, which would lead to greater consistency in sound production.

Quantal theory was not, however, just a theory of speech production; it was also a theory of speech recognition. If humans had a limited repertory of sounds that they could produce reliably, then the auditory system may very well have evolved to key in on them. Stevens spent much of his career indefatigably investigating the implications of quantal theory, both experimentally and through mathematical modeling, frequently in collaboration with Halle and, later, with Samuel Jay Keyser, another MIT linguist.

In the pursuit of knowledge in this rarefied field, he produced and starred in the following creepy-ass video, asking that musical question, “Why did Ken set the soggy net on top of his deck?”

Transcript, courtesy of YouTube robots, who are comically inaccurate:

0:03 the fifth

0:05 protect

0:06 repair

0:08 rip-off

0:09 the top

0:10 ka

0:11the death

0:13 going there

0:14 beset

0:15 is there

0:17 asar [that can’t be right!]

0:25 hock

0:26 that t

0:28 tier

0:29 attack

0:30 that uh…

0:31 the two

0:33 protector

0:34 the talks

0:36 tech

0:37 repair

0:39 hindi

0:40 he interrupts

0:41 the

0:42 he are

0:44 the are

0:47 why didn’t care will set the starting next week on top of his deck

0:52 i have put blood on her to clean your shoes

You WHAT???

Getting Lucky: Two Perspectives

Daft Punk is daft if they think they will get lucky in THOSE outfits

Daft Punk is daft if they think they will get lucky in THOSE outfits

Welcome to your Friday Late Night Dance Party, featuring Daft Punk’s “Get Lucky.”

First up, from 70’s tv fixture Soul Train (OMG there’s a Soul Train CRUISE!!!) via GOOD magazine. Hands up who learned these moves in Grade 7? And what ever happened to elephant baggies pants? Or satin pantsuits for the disco? And GET OFFA MY LAWN!

Next up, an entirely more Orthodox take on the smash hit, from Aish.com, released to celebrate Rosh Hashanah, and featuring some very hot breakdancing boys in need of more bobby pins.

THEY WALK!

We are fucked, my friends

We are fucked, my friends

What did I say? WHAT DID I SAY?

I said, “We’re all fucked.”

We just got 25% more fucked.

Orcas can fly. Cougars can swim. Meerkats can operate AK-47’s. Raccoons have taken up swordfighting. And now, sharks can walk.

http://vimeo.com/72995710

Good luck trying to get back to sleep tonight. THAT is in the ocean off the Moluccas. I swam in that water. That’s what’s down there. And you wonder why I don’t go in the ocean anymore.

Keep Calm and Hail Cthulhu

Keep Calm and Hail Cthulhu

Russell Crowe, Yowe!

An Aussie. An actor. A rocker. A rowdy. A noted student of the laws of physics as they pertain to the momentum of a thrown telephone.

Not exactly a recipe for a kindly father figure, you’d think. To everyone’s surprise, you’d be wrong, at least if you were thinking of Russell Crowe.

Thirteen-year-old Texas superfan Nicole Garcia was tweeting at and about her favorite celebrities one day (Crowe, Benedict Cumberbatch, Matt Smith, and the list goes on) when, to her surprise and amazement, one of them tweeted back. To everyone’s surprise and amazement, the exchange was perfectly adorable, and we give it here.

Crowe Tweets

https://twitter.com/shira_ohayon/statuses/298035468069650432

But wait, there’s more!

moar tweets

The Twitter exchange was screencapped and posted to Tumblr, where it received 127,052 reblogs, likes, and comments, although the original post has now been deleted.

In case you’re wondering, she DID do her homework. Russell Crowe, your work here is done!

DramaSec: The Power Ballads (now with 20% more awesomeness!)

Fabulous llama iz fabulous!

Fabulous llama iz fabulous!

You know what they say: politics is showbusiness for ugly people.

Ladies and gentlemen of #DramaSec, fans of flamewars, internet drama divas, and audience members: we at the ol’ raincoaster blog are proud to present the first-ever roundup of #DramaSec power ballads. If Music is the universal language (although Money is making a strong showing lately) then let the universe ring with the sound of our over-the-top and senseless interpersonal drama, full of sound and fury and signifying nothing.

Cue The Ballad of Brett Kimberlin:

And now The Adrian Lamo Blues. Not so much a power ballad as political hipster neo-folk, but who can resist a banjo, eh?:

The next one is hard. It’s almost impossible to determine which of these is more awesome, but for very different reasons. And I’m too lazy to look up how to code a table in HTML so they go side by side, so here it is in order of jaw-droppingness, from the lesser to the greater.

The RonBryn Song. You remember Ron, right?

And now, the musical apotheosis of the internet phenomenon known as #DramaSec. If you’re an impatient type, start it at 3:31. If you enjoy insidery jokes about countries to which you’ve never been, watch the whole thing. And do not doubt me when i say this is the apotheosis of awesomenosity. Words, my friends: They will fail you as they failed me.

Julian Assange performing an 80’s power ballad with updated WikiLeaks lyrics while wearing a righteous mullet:

Selah.

It is the East, and Julian is the sun...

It is the East, and Julian is the sun…

UPDATED TO ADD:

https://twitter.com/ValeriePlame/status/373105969233805312

Plus bonus lyrics to The RonBryn song, courtesy of Elvira:

Open your web browser

Pretend you’re Neal Rauhauser

That’s one way to meet Ronbryn

He is a one man PRISM

Calls tweeting journalism (He does)

Though its just a lot of jizzim, Ronbryn

If your Mercedes is explodin’

You can’t find Edward Snowden

Who ya gonna call?

Ronbryn.

Barrett Brown, Julian, Patterico, Kimberlin

Troll ‘em all, fuck ‘em up

Ronbryn

You’re a sock

What a crock

Call the doc

What the fuck

SWAT ‘em all

Troll ‘em all

Ronbryn……!

Brett Kimberlin is plottin’

Another case of SWATing

Who’s he gonna call?

Ronbryn

He’ll tweet your misdemeanor

You’ll look like Tony Weiner

Tryin’ to humor Huma Abedin

Smearing smearing smearing

All the way to Barrett’s hearing

Ever thought of disappearing, Ronbryn?