CHINA Olympic scandal!
Dateline: the Forbidden City:
Today, shocking news has emerged of the sub-human conditions in which the Chinese Olympic Team (identities obscured here for their protection) is kept. Sadly, it appears that the famously controlling Chinese government is taking no chances on defections, forcing the diminutive athletes to train in specially-segregated gyms. The armed guards in attendance insistently deny to curious passers-by that the amazing feats of prowess observable are those of the products of Beijing‘s notorious “Population Density Optimization Eugenics Program, claiming somewhat lamely that the entire thing is nothing more than a “cicada circus,” the bigger, better Chinese version of a flea circus.
The miniature sculpture works of Olympics sport events, pole jump, weight lifting, parallel bars, tennis ball and football made by handicraftsman Guo Futian, 52, are displayed at his home in downtown Beijing city, China, 04 August 2008. Maohou is a Chinese folk art form, and a form of Miniature Art. Artists build miniature sculptures using cicada sloughs and Magnolia buds. An old Beijing artform, Maohou sculpture came into being during the Qing dynasty. The most common Maohou sculptures feature dancing or posturing monkeys, with Magnolia buds used for making its body, cicada torso used for the limbs, and cicada antennae used for the tail. Legend has it that a Beijing herbal medicine shopkeeper designed such miniature toys for his son using the two traditional medicine ingredients since he was too poor to buy any toys.
What Would Amnesty International Do?
Like, amazing! My squandered youth is restored by the power of celebrity! Not only has Katie Holmes single-handedly brought all the clothes in the bottom drawer of my dresser back into fashion, but now the dynamic duo known only as the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre have covered one of the anthems of the Ambiguously Gay Nineties and brought it vividly, if poorly-translatedly, back to life.
Who’d have thought the deodorant would outlast the Bard of Seattle, eh?
Actually, no. It’s worse:
Scotty is slowly sinking to the bottom of the South Pacific in a fine grey cloud of ash.
My God, It's Full of Stars!
Dignified and strange, in its own way, and somehow an almost-adequate substitute for the original plan, which was for the cremains of James Doohan, proud Vancouverite, former Canadian war hero, and the actor who played Montgomery Scott, Chief Engineer of the USS Enterprise NCC-1701, to be shot into space in a private SpaceX spacecraft. Goddam dilithium crystals!
The Falcon 1 owned by Musk’s private space exploration company, SpaceX, left the ground and stayed off it for 2 minutes and 20 seconds before second- and third-stage rockets failed to ignite. The whole thing, including Scotty’s ashes, plunged back to earth.
Well, back to the Pacific Ocean anyway. But nothing, particularly not the fate of a legend, is simple, and it seems there had already been a couple of false starts and a frantic search leading up to the ultimate un-ternment. For a man who claimed (falsely, but amusingly) that he was kicked out of the Canadian Air Force for slaloming his plane between hydro poles on a bet, the rolling swells of the unfettered tropical ocean are indeed the Final Frontier.
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Ghost riding: SO 2007! The new hotness: Ghost Whipping.
I’m not sure where the whipping comes into things, as there are no apparent signs of ghost abuse in the video; perhaps it refers to what your underwear does under these conditions?
Raj can gloat all he wants about his pimped-out ride, but does he have a sun roof? Sun floor? Sun doors? Sun hood?
You know my sweet ride is crazy insane, going walking pace hee-yah in da BIKE LANE!
Lyrics over the jump. Continue reading
raincoaster 