the freakiest story I’m too tired to post

Manta Ray

Seriously weird. Seriously, seriously freaky. Probably fake. “The one that got away” takes on new meaning in this tale of lost loves at sea

Via (where else would you expect?) the Guardian’s Political Diary.

“Almost everybody in the fishing business has had sex with a manta at some point,” Makeburu asserts.

What!!! A manta??? You mean one of those enormous, intimidating winged things with a stinger on their tail that looks like an aquatic Batman?

Yep. After all, fisherman out on ships spend a loooonggg time at sea without ever encountering a woman, and, well, let’s face it, they can get pretty horny. No, dammit, let’s make that incredibly horny. Even desperate enough to do it with a manta. Right?

“Nah,” shrugs Makeburu. “Coastal fishermen poke them too.”

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I was bitten by a poisonous spider

Shelob

and it died.

Think about that the next time you try to get in my face about … anything at all.

I’m just saying.

PS: so there are black widow spiders here in Vancouver. You learn something new every day, eh?

Give me my footie pjs, put on my cat; I have
Immortal longings in me: now no more
The juice of the Okanagan‘s grape shall moist this lip:
Yare, yare, good CG; quick. Methinks I hear
Viggo call; I see him rouse himself
To praise my noble act; I hear him mock
The luck of spammers, which the gods give men
To excuse their after wrath: baby, I come:
Now to that name my courage prove my title!
I am tentacles and marabou; my other elements
I give to baser life. So; have you done?
Come then, and take the last warmth of my lips.
Farewell, kind CG; blog readers, long farewell.

What, I’m still here? Damn, now what am I gonna do with this soliloquy? I h8 anticlimax!

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weirdest. penis. ev-ar!

Duck Dick

From Picture of the Day.

Seriously, is this how they make Innsmouthers?

I knew ducks were pretty kinky, but this is just sick.

Funny, he doesn’t look Jewish.

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Naughty Wet and Wild Swedish Beaver!

Beaver SwedishGranny got tail!

Naughty, naughty beaver! Keep your tail away from innocent Swedish grannies, be they never so wrinkled and asking for it.

Word comes from the banks of the Bottena that a wild Swedish beaver went crazy at the sight of an elderly swimmer and indulged in an orgy of slapping and physical violence.

“The beaver attacked the grandmother. She was seriously hit by the animal’s tail and received a number of bites and scratches,” an officer told the newspaper.

Surely not the first or last time that someone has regretted an encounter with really wild beaver.

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Giant Squid: your Saturday science vid!

I am sure that I speak for many when I say I miss those endless Saturday afternoon nature shows that came on between the sports. Take thirteen minutes and climb with me back into the cosy, cowboy-printed sleepingbag of your childhood as we watch The Search for the Giant Squid!

from the YouTube notes:

For centuries, sailors have told tales of sea monsters with massive tentacles. But it was only recently that a giant squid was actually filmed. One man has spent his life tracking the elusive creatures.

When his large, powerful yacht slowed to a virtual stop, Olivier de Kersauson knew he had a problem. “I saw two arms, twice the size of my arm, grabbing the rudder.” A giant squid had got caught in the propeller. “It had a lot of power and started to shake the boat.” It was a sight Dr Steve O’Shea would love to have witnessed. For over 30 years he’s been chasing the rare creatures. But recently, he’s become aware of a disturbing trend. “Squids are incredibly good barometers of environmental health”, he explains. “If I go back 10 years, I had 23 giant squids in one year. Now, because of the intensity of fishing, it’s tailed down to one a year.”

And here is the requisite wistful portrait demonstrating the futility and the beauty of human hopes and dreams, from the New Yorker.

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