Operation Global Media Domination: The SurveyMagnet Edition

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Total Information Awareness

Scientia est Potentia

Well, it’s been a bang-up start to the weekend what with all the pointless internet drama and all. There may only be three commenters, but they’re refreshing their screens like maniacs to see if I’ve replied yet. Well, if McDonalds can say “it’s all parts” I guess I can reconcile myself to “it’s all pageviews” but it’s still rather lowering the standard around here. At least the Albanian trolls were fun.

But this isn’t a post about that! Oh no! No indeedy! It is a post about my interview going live on SurveyMagnet. This was originally scheduled for weeks and weeks ago, but a two month medical leave rather puts a crimp in such self-promotional activities. Anyway, the interview is up, and I’m happy to promote it here, particularly because it’s all about Lolebrity, a blog I’m trying to pimp out to a positively JonBenet-ian level.

A snippet:

4) What is the craziest/most interesting exchange you’ve seen in your blog comments and why?

Well, there are very few comments on Lolebrity, except for the pervs looking for more Miley Cyrus boobs, but on another of my sites I did once get into a flamewar with the nation of Albania, and when it comes to the dialogue on the existence of fairies in Devonshire, well, I’ve got a corner on the market, with over 2000 comments on that particular raincoaster.com post.

Well, what are you still doing here? Go over there and read the damn thing; how am I supposed to get famous if you don’t? Eh?

 

Julian Assange Coloring Book Guest Post by Swifter

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Julian Assange in custody. At least Swifter let him keep his cup of cocoa.

Julian Assange in custody. At least Swifter let him keep his cup of cocoa.

Ante? UPPED!

When I asked Swifter if I could repurpose this from the crosstalk thread he replied:

Sure, as long as you tell people that I say it’s where he belongs. You may add whatever other commentary you wish from your own viewpoint, of course.

To which I replied, quite naturally, that my own thoughts on this image were far too kinky to post on a nice, family-friendly blog like mine. And now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s difficult to type with no hands free…

The Julian Assange Coloring Book: yes, this exists

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Julian is feeling a little blue today. Won't you cheer him up?

Julian is feeling a little blue today. Won't you cheer him up?

Yes, the world contains wonders. The latest marvel is this perfect gem of a book, the Julian Assange Coloring Book. Just a smidge too late for Christmas, dagnabbit! That’s the bad news: the good news is that this exists and it’s free! Download away! Or you can colour them right on the site with their charmingly primitive digital tools. If you want, you can even email your finished artwork back to the website as JPG attachments and they’ll post them in the gallery. How exciting for you, when Julian himself (oh, are we dreaming? Is it too much to imagine him at the end of a work day, exhausted, pale, just surfing the interwebs for a little entertainment on a long, lonely night in a ten-bedroom mansion in the snow-covered English countryside?

Where was I?

Right, closing the parenthetical, so here you go) when Julian Himself, I say, stumbles across your humble effort. His tired eyes open wide in surprise. He starts in his chair. A Spode cup with the dregs of cocoa in it crashes to the floor. Is this a threat? Is this a joke? Is this a ploy of some kind? but then he relaxes as he realizes that, no, there’s nothing hostile here. A smile plays across his lips, at first tenative, then coy, then satisfied, happy, in on the gentle jest. Ah, that’s better, isn’t it Julian?

High Ku Hollywood

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Snooki's book heralds the apocalypse. Well, WE all knew that. But we weren't gonna tell you!

Snooki's book heralds the apocalypse. Well, WE all knew that. But we weren't gonna tell you!

Conspiracies everywhere! What’s a person to do when reality itself is unreal? Is there a sure guide in these troubled and uncertain times, when it seems as if there are a million different perspectives on Rashomon itself?

Tom Hanks doesn't know what's going on and neither do I but I've just decided to "go with it"

Tom Hanks doesn't know what's going on and neither do I but I've just decided to "go with it"

At least I finally got something useful out of the pointless drama that’s been going on around here lately. I ran the entire Fandumb post through the Haiku Finder, comments and all, and found a haiku. One. ONE haiku. From 4,852 words. This only confirms my belief that this is the lamest, most boring bunch of trolls I’ve ever had the misfortune to encounter. From almost five thousand overly-emotional words, only one haiku can be gleaned, and it is my own.

I think Monet died
before he really hit his
stride artistically.

You’d think a few Impressionist dealers would have chimed in, with a statement as controversial as that, and in poetry no less, but noooooooo! In any case, let’s make an attempt to get back to “normal”? around these parts, with a bog-standard and hardly dramatic list of Hollywood gossip links. I expect Khloe Kardashian’s red hair to be blamed on me any second, but oh well, what can you do? I DID totally talk her into it.

Pointless Internet Drama, I wish I could quit you (raincoaster)

Good Mourning! (Ayyyy)

Colin Firth’s face AND Alan Rickman’s voice, in one post! (Lolebrity)

Toni Collette vs Coldplay (AgentBedhead)

Amy Winehouse goes Full Brazilian (BusyBeeBlogger)

Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom welcome world’s most beautiful baby (CeleBitchy)

Amy Winehouse is wearing an awfully tall belt (NSFW) (CelebDirtyLaundry)

It’s Ted Williams’ world; we just live in it (CelebritySmack)

Detouched Celebrities (CityRag)

He’s still a douchebag, but he’s an awfully decorative one when he’s nekkid (DailyStab)

Robert Pattinson doesn’t know who he is (FitFabCeleb)

Celebrity pizzaface (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Jane Krakowski is packing babeh (HaveUHeard)

Kardashian Kard Konflict! (INeedMyFix)

Britney leaks! (PoorBritney)

The evolution of the fashion blogger (PopBytes)

Drew Barrymore narrowly escaped from Borat, it seems (TheSkinny)

Kim Kardashian has a big mouth (SeriouslyOMG)

 

 

The Internet is Closed

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Step away from the keyboard

Step away from the keyboard

Maybe everyone should just step away from the keyboard for a day or so. Go for a walk. See friends over brunch. Play with a puppy. Make an appointment for a colonic.