The Epistle to the Stratforians

dear Stratfor clients, let us know how you really feel?

dear Stratfor clients, let us know how you really feel?

Yes, if you looked closely on Twitter there WAS something more interesting than the Oscars going on tonight. Well, photosynthesis is more interesting, but you know what I mean.

Anonymous and Wikileaks combined forces to leak over five million emails from “private CIA” company Stratfor. Anonymous has gone up against Stratfor before, but by routing the dox through Wikileaks they leverage a chain of media relationships and thus publicity that Anon alone could never reach. Said it before and I will, in fact, say it again: Wikileaks is a PR agency for documents. Wikileaks had a vested interest in this leak because over 4000 of the emails mention Julian Assange or Wikileaks.

Just when everyone thought they had become; a) irrelevant and b) preoccupied, Wikileaks comes out with a fatal stroke that, because of its more than 25 international media partnerships, is as instantly ubiquitous as it is effective.

On Monday February 27th, 2012, WikiLeaks began publishing The Global Intelligence Files, over five million e-mails from the Texas headquartered “global intelligence” company Stratfor. The e-mails date between July 2004 and late December 2011. They reveal the inner workings of a company that fronts as an intelligence publisher, but provides confidential intelligence services to large corporations, such as Bhopal’s Dow Chemical Co., Lockheed Martin, Northrop Grumman, Raytheon and government agencies, including the US Department of Homeland Security, the US Marines and the US Defence Intelligence Agency. The emails show Stratfor’s web of informers, pay-off structure, payment laundering techniques and psychological methods.

Did I say “fatal?” I sure as hell did. Take a gander at this document, a mere two hours old.

From: george.friedman@stratfor.com

To: fred.burton@stratfor.com

Subject: Draft

Date: 2012-02-26 19:02:07

It is with great personal disappointment I have to inform you that I will resign from my position as CEO for Stratfor to immediate effect.

Please rest assured that this decision was not an easy. But in the light of the recent events, especially the release of our company emails by WikiLeaks, I have decided that stepping down is in the best interest of Stratfor and its customer base.

I want to emphasize that this will have no effect on Stratfor’s business or its members and we will continue to provide state-of-the-art intelligence services.

Regarding the latest breach, Stratfor is fully in control of the situation However, while I cannot take any personal responsibility for this incident, I still have to admit that mistakes have been made on our side. To be clear: We certainly do not condone any criminal activities by groups like Anonymous or other hackers. This is theft and we will continue to cooperate with law enforcement to bring those responsible to justice. But we must acknowledge that this incident would not have been possible if Stratfor had implemented stronger data protection mechanisms – which will be the case from now on. Indeed we will immediately move to implement the latest, and most comprehensive, data security measures.

While I played no role in our technical operations, as the company’s CEO I do accept full responsibility thus will resign from my position effective immediately.

Again, my sincerest apologies for this whole unfortunate incident.

Sincerely,
George Friedman

Yes, George Friedman, former CEO of Stratfor, is officially Fried, if not Fired. That’s a neat trick, saying you can’t take any personal responsibility but that you do accept full responsibility; not to mention claiming to be fully in control of a situation where five million of your security company’s “secure” emails, many of them mortifying, have been released.

Mortifying? How about institutionalized bigotry and opportunistic, malevolent greed for starters, not to mention this high-level security company being shown up, repeatedly, on the security front. There are five million more emails to sift through, and a press conference coming up in a few hours. Who knows what lulz may come?

https://twitter.com/#!/wikileaks/status/173887094584901632

Occupy Children’s Literature!

Where's Waldo's Job?

Where's Waldo's Job?

Oh Waldo! You’re such an adorable, accessible, Zeitgeist-defining dude. Tall and gangly in your cute watch cap and your dorky prison shirt, how is it you pass unnoticed (and un-reported-to-police) among us? Waldo, you are our Zelig, the physical embodiment of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. Only in 2012, you’ve got lots and lots of company.

Hump Day Unicorn Chaser: Ethersec Anon Edition

Ethersec Anon would like to take the whole world on a trip

Ethersec Anon would like to take the whole world on a trip

I thought this was cheery and pretty and freaky enough to make a pretty sweet Unicorn Chaser, and I dunno about you but I need a double this week, so here it is. Since it’s Anonymous in trippy format, I thought immediately of Ethersec. Ethersec, you may or may not know, is Anonymous‘ attempt to hack religion.

From my post on the DailyDot:

The posting [says] that everyone is an agent of change, and that EtherSec is a collective of specially gifted people whose talents “allow us to perceive the reality outside of the matrix.”

If you remember your Matrix trilogy, effectively it [is saying] everyone is Neo. There is just enough unspecific appeal to the spirit and promise of action to pique interest.

The manifesto goes on to outline a word salad of spiritualism, quantum physics, and nerdery that will surely tug at the heartstrings of any Westerner who feels there’s something wrong with the world and yearns for a spiritual alternative, but who cannot tolerate organized religion. That’s a pretty sizable number of people.

So, if yoga and Occupy aren’t doing it for you, maybe up the ante and try Tai Chi and Ethersec. If nothing else, NOBODY will be able to one-up you at brunch at Sophie’s.

Hump Day Unicorn Chaser: Empowering Musical Interlude Edition

Rosie sez we can do it

Rosie sez we can do it

Those of you who’ve been following along on Twitter know that this has been a fraught week chez raincoaster, but as always, at least it’s been good for hits [UPDATE: I can’t get away with a tasteless joke on my own damn blog anymore, it seems. What is the world coming to?]. While it’s been awful for self-esteem, it’s also been kind of awesome, as I see the support I’ve gotten from the most and least expected places. You know who you are, and I’ve tried to thank each of you individually. If I missed you, it’s my fault, and let me know so I can correct it. The negatives didn’t really bother me once the facts got straightened out; it was the support posts, comments, emails and tweets that gave me the sniffles.

https://twitter.com/#!/AssangeC/status/172092368667951104

So, for myself and anyone else who is firing on three cylinders instead of 12 right now, here are some empowering music videos. If nothing else, you can watch them and remind yourself how much prettier you are than Christina Aguilera.

Pink: So What?

Taylor Mali: What Teachers Make
which contains the awesome line “I have a policy about honesty and asskicking, which is if you ask for it, then I have to let you have it.”

Christina Aguilera: Fighter

Coffee, anyone?

Cthulhu coffee is tentacularly tasty!

Cthulhu coffee is tentacularly tasty!

After the night I’ve had, make mine a decaf.

https://twitter.com/#!/raincoaster/status/171892566931943424

https://twitter.com/#!/AssangeC/status/171921297952092160

https://twitter.com/#!/NOH8ER/status/171901788717449216

https://twitter.com/#!/raincoaster/status/171901969533911040

https://twitter.com/#!/wheeliesmom/status/171941972938997760

On the upside:

https://twitter.com/#!/Lego_KurtCobain/status/171944825854238720

So yeah, validated.

But I’m telling you, for the next little while I don’t need any god damn more surprises. CHEERS!

have a cup of Cthulhu!

have a cup of Cthulhu!