Since yesterday, three links have been deleted from the list on Technorati, dropping us 200,000 places in the rankings. I just don't get that place; it's like an occult religion. Doesn't count the links I know are in place, counts certain others, pops you up or drops you down depending, I guess, on whether Mercury is in retrograde. Perhaps I should sacrifice a Microsoft employee?
Daily Archives: April 22, 2006
Operation Global Media Domination: Gay Pirates kick Bloggers Ass
The raincoaster blog is quite proud and, in fact, almost insufferable about the fact that we have cracked the top 350,000 blogs in Technorati. If you've done better than that, we don't want to hear about it. No, really. We get all weepy and snappish when we hear about that sort of thing unless it's accompanied by a heartfelt "and let me teach you exactly how I did that" email.
PeterPan, I'm talking to you.
And while it's nice to be promoted so my stat counter starts at 30, rather than zero, there's a brief yet heart-stopping period every day when I appear to have negative readers. And we all know my readers are as positive little bundles of human sunshine as it is possible to be, right? Totally, bitches!
In a search term roundup this week, it is quite clear that Gay Pirates kick the ass of all blog-related posts. There are the classic greatest hits: mango porno, Narnia porn, and octopus sewing patterns. And curling. Lotsa curling.
Eagles are good, too. Raptors apparently rank high in the blogosphere; I can see that, you know. Winging through the sky, falling upon their prey like a thunderbolt, soaring in regal isolation, making Technorati their bitch.
PSA: How to Become a Teen Heartthrob
A rather crushed (and 100% off-the-boat Chinese) friend of mine complains that the Vancouver Miss Chinatown competition has been won, the last ten consecutive years, by bananas who are half-Canuck, half-Chinese. She, an unsuccessful Miss Chinatown contestant herself, ascribes the blame to racist judges who prefer round-eyes.
But an ex of mine tells me that the real Chinese word for Whitey actually means "Big Nose." Which doesn't really parse with Miss Chinatown. Which has now been renamed "Teen Idol" for obviously racist reasons. Justin Timberlake is doubtless a strong write-in candidate.
Here, in a post for the ages, are the actual laws for becoming a teen idol, according to the photo editor of Tiger Beat. A sample of this immortal wisdom follows:
You need to have shaggy hair: From Leif Garrett to Jesse McCartney and Zac Efron (the heartthrob du jour) — teen girls love long, tousled, bed head looking shaggy haircuts. Girls imagine running their fingers through it. There really are not many teen heartthrobs out today who do not have a shaggy do.
You gotta have an interesting name: There are two kinds of names that teen heartthrobs have right now. They either have a really different name like Orlando Bloom or Zac Efron or Dylan and Cole (the Sprouse twins). If you have a boring simple name, then end it with "i" — James should be Jamie, Bob should be Bobby.
No girlfriend, but it is important to have celebrity friends: Our reader believes that one day she will meet you and will make you fall in love with her. If you have a girlfriend or a wife that illusion is completely killed. And you have to be open to dating a fan. That will keep the hope alive and make you more desirable. At the same time it is important to have as many celebrity platonic friends as possible and to be seen on the red carpet at charity events and to go to theme parks. Our reader loves to see her favorite heartthrob riding on rides with all the celebs she likes, but he's not attached. He's still open to be her boyfriend.
Update on the Market for Virgins
$7,000 is your basic starting bid, apparently.
But maybe Wisconsin virgins are just pricier than Oklahoma ones.
APPLETON, Wis. Apr 21, 2006 (AP)— A man raising his 18-month-old daughter alone tried to sell the little girl for $7,000 so he could make improvements to his house, police said Friday.
Another Reason to Hate LiveJournal
And, apparently, selling the info. While you may think, particularly if you have any familiarity with the morass of self-cutting Angelina Jolie fans and desperate housewives who make up the bulk of LiveJournal users, that there is nothing whatsoever of value there, you'd be wrong.
Moods are worth money.
MoodViews keeps tabs on the "mood tags" Live Journal bloggers often use on approximately 150,000 diary entries every day.
The software has found that the tag "drunk" is most often used on weekends and that "lonely" and "loved" are both common on Valentine's Day, New Scientist reported this week…
But the most interesting application is MoodTeller, a program that actually predicts moods days in advance.
Eventually, businesses will be able to predict exactly when they should release a new product and political operations will be able to manipulate frightened, ignorant voters even more than they do today.
The bouncing blue kitten has much to answer for.
raincoaster 