I don’t know why the bids in this eBay auction are so low. I mean, it’s getting the whole next year off, so it’s not like it will get worn out. It’s certainly used. And, from the picture, it appears to be somewhat deformed: I’m not sure if that’s a dimple, a bellybutton (?!) or a piercing.
Does this have anything to do with that eBay executive cycling himself right into a tree recently? If I did this for a living I might kill myself, too.
from Defamer
Yes, Driving While Brown is still enough to get you tossed in jail. Oh gosh, what am I saying? It’s getting so bad you could probably get a week in solitary just for a Mystic Tan these days.
Admittedly, these guys were not only driving while brown, they were also transporting cellphones. You know the most popular kind of cellphone? That’s right, the Razr! Razors are like box cutters…and vans and planes are both kinds of transportation…you see where we’re going with this. Do we have to spell it out for you?
From BoingBoing:
Cellphone terror detainees: not guilty, just inconveniently brown
The FBI today said it has no reason to suspect terrorism ties for three Palestinian-American men arrested in Michigan and charged with “collecting or providing materials for terrorist acts and surveillance of a vulnerable target for terrorist purposes.” The men were stopped by authorities after buying 80 pre-paid cellphones at a Wal-Mart. Their van contained nearly a thousand such phones, and the men said they planned to re-sell them at profit. Nearby, in Ohio, a prosecutor today said he lacked evidence to present felony terrorism charges against two more Arab-American men arrested in a similar incident last week over bulk cellphone buys. Link to AP story, via MSNBC (Thanks, Malik Mitchell).
for when they die, we get their stuff.
Yes, Sploid, one of my favorite sites, is no more. Axed. Deep-sixed. Ah, well, I can’t say it any better than they did.
Just like YouTube, Lebanon, Joe Lieberman, newspaper circulation and airline travel, Sploid is being demolished.
It is a great victory for bullshit peddlers everywhere … if they had any idea Sploid existed.
Shut down, laid off, on the nickel, run out of town, shown the door, eighty-sixed, suicided, under heavy manners, finaled by the fuzz, down in the hole, out of the groove, sadder than a map, under the Hoover blankets, taking a bank holiday, riding the rails to Hungry Town, brought down and fought down.
Winners write the history books, but anybody can write the blog post. So get right up close to your computer screen and we’ll tell you a little story…
And so they do, at length, but who cares? More interesting to me is their secret file of Weekend Filler How-To’s, as apparently Denton didn’t want them to play with real news on the weekend, as they might break it. So here’s their secrets to handy-dandy filler, secrets which I intend to carry to my grave.
After posting them here, of course.
This magical world
Sploid wasn’t just a 24-7 news operation — it was a painstakingly engineered information factory.
While free from the dull tyranny of “Headline News” or “whatever’s on the front page of the New York Times,” Sploid editors nonetheless followed careful instructions formulated by senior editors.
Say it was a Saturday, and nothing was happening in the world except bombs in the Middle East and world leaders dying or lapsing into comas, and maybe the planet was getting hotter or whatever. On those “slow news days,” and even on some exciting days, the editors had to rely on a detailed technical manual with exact instructions for filling the “news hole.”
Following the Sploid Topic List requirements resulted in the following wonders from this magical world we share:
Animal adventures
* Violent deer
* Cat-eating raccoons
* Insidious marmots
* Puppy bombs
* Fainting goats
* Disgraced goats
* Worthless panda bears
* Christmas-ruining possums
* Headless roosters
* Monkey copsNation of …
* Foreclosures
* Gangsters
* Murderers
* Retards
* Teenage crack whores
* WitchesHoboes
* Killed for a beer
* Secretly practicing law
* Rioting
* Talking on cell phones
* Acting righteously
* Roughed up by high schoolers
* Killed by elderly sociopaths
* Suing librariesJesus
* Not screwed by Judas
* Appearing in a plate of manicotti
* Appearing in asparagus
* Coming out
* Being blond
* Lacking health insurance
* Probably died hanging upside down like a batNASA
* Kills the Ivory Billed Woodpecker
* Launches a non-exploding shuttle
* Enlists the aid of robot lemurs
* Valiantly battles an army of roadkill
* Hits a run of even worse luck than usual
* Bans dangerous foreign 5-year-oldsOther topics of constant concern included robots, monkeys, occult killings, X-rays of humans revealing foreign (and frequently disturbing) objects lodged within, Nazis, dismemberments, frightening conspiracies featuring the Knights Templar and/or Dick Cheney, dumb and/or evil cops, UFOs and the many problems faced by America’s obese citizenry.
We hope you continue to enjoy these timeless tales from our most delightful planet.
Sara K. Smith was Sploid’s bureau chief in Austin and is a novelist, which means she has to get a job now.
From the Squid blog
raincoaster 