Monthly Archives: October 2006

Attack of the Hicks!

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This is a Hicks free zone 

For reasons best left unsaid, it entertains me to watch other people fending off swarming loyalista (nay, Unquestionista) fans when they cluster and attack in those occasional, apparently-random movements dictated by hive mind.

Here is the latest version, from Logged Hours, via Gawker. What is unique about the American Idol phenomenon is that, other than Simon and Paula, it appears as if every contestant has been stripped of all possible personality just prior to appearing and that they have, in fact, been manufactured especially for this moment, having no pasts in which to have retroactively embarassed themselves or the millions of people who stayed home to watch rather than, say, vote.

These are the least offensive group of stars the universe has ever seen. Why, then, is the drama quotient of their fandoms the equivalent of a sack of enriched plutonium at a Kabul night market? It’s not just Taylor’s Hicks; anybody remember the 5,000-comment Claymate threads on Perez Hilton‘s site?

the measure of a man, indeed!

In any case, to the Hicks!

Dear Crazy Taylor Hicks fans,

Please STOP COMMENTING on my blog about how AMAZINGLY HOT you think your weirdo sex-object is and take your creepy internet fan-love somewhere else.

I don’t give a hoot in the wind if you think that I have a “fickle aesthetic”. If you think that Taylor Hicks is the hottest man alive, you need your head checked. That is my OPINION. I am entitled to my opinion, especially since it’s my goddamn blog. I don’t care that you love him and would try and have his children from DNA derived from some used napkin you bought on eBay. I don’t want to hear it.

the grinding devolution of the glorious communist dream

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In which we observe an experiment in Communal Anarchy descending, in the course of one growing season, into mere Existential Hedonism. Ain’t that always the way? Sigh…

Heartlessly stolen from Up In Ontario. This should give you some idea of the kind of city we live in.

The Tomato Man stand, Trout Lake Farmer’s Market, early in the tomato-pimpin’ season.

The Tomato Man(ifesto)

and by the end of the season that had been replaced by:

Tomato Manifesto, slutting around version

Nobody wants to be the last tomato left at closing time.

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.

Hug me till you drug me, honey;
Kiss me till I’m in a coma:
Hug me, honey, snuggly bunny;
Love’s as good as soma.

pic o’ the day: demons of outer space

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galaxy sh2-136

Fhtamily Cthurcle: Cthulhu Mythos/Family Circle mashups

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I know I’ve already featured one of these brilliant mashups from Accordion Guy, but it’s Halloween and these images are unutterable shadow-paintings from beyond the veil. So there.

Cthulhu fhtagn! Fhtamily Cthircle!

Yog Sothoth ain't gonna save ya, kid.

Operation Global Media Domination: i luv Brian Atene

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TIAAnd also Steve Carrell and Stephen Colbert. But me wuvs Brian Atene best of all. Why? Check it out! I may have momentarily gone down six hundred thousand places on Technorati thanks to switching from raincoaster.wordpress.com to raincoaster.com, but I am #1 on Google when you’re looking for a horrific trainwreck of a video audition for Stanley Kubrick (CUE-brick!). It’s really just a matter of time until the G-gle catches on to the second in the series, Brian Atene 2.0: Good Day Mr. Kubrick 2006!

In related famewhoredom news, I applied for a job at Gridskipper, although my current state of penury precludes travel on anything grander than the Seabus, so wish me luck. Somebody’s been checking my Gawker Comments, so go me! Is that “break a keyboard?” Although I debate whether it was smart of me to give them the link to the tag “Operation Global Media Domination but not the one to Travel“. Live and learn; they can, presumably, operate a sidebar.

Also, got links on two pretty darned impressive sites this week. Not only are they among the Technorati darlings, but they’re readable besides, and Pharyngula is almost entirely focused on Squid and politics. Believe me, it’s extremely tempting to reference every single post in that one, but so far I’ve restricted myself to the Cthlhu license plate and the Octoporn. I am itching, however, to do something on the Mystery Blob from the Fjord that Time Forgot…all in good time, all in good time. Full disclosure: I am the one that dropped the link in the comments section (Blog Pimping 101) but in that case I had to link to my blog because the damn computer was overloaded and wouldn’t let me go to YouTube directly. I hope the vid worked for them.

Ace of Spades is the second new blog to give me a link, and they picked the Brian Atene 2.0 update. There’s no way that is the real Brian Atene, but we can only hope he grew up to be that funny. When is Defamer going to catch on to this? I emailed them days ago, dammit! When is Defamer going to say thanks?

In other news, posting is going to slow right down around here, because I am SICKSICKSICK (yeah, what else is new? Har, har) and tomorrow I have to take a teenager to Fright Night at the PNE, thanks to wrobitaille from Waiterblog Forum, who just up and gave me free tickets, cuz that’s how he rolls, yo. At least if I barf I can blame it on the icky zombies.

Wish me luck.