The Naked Covid Briefing Bingo

Slept in, no time for elaborate framing devices today. We’re going in raw!

Reporters are laughing; that’s not always a good thing, depending on your perspective, so mark your “Drama is happening offstage” square. We are a dark people.

Here’s our video, not officially a comedy.

Ah, dammit, forgot the Bingo cards:

Mark “Specific Canadian mentioned” and “Vocal malfunction” and hello, have you considered drinking coffee? It helps with that. Pfizer and Vaccine and Can See Your Breath squares too.

Can I just say that I’m going to take the fact that he opened with a mention of speaking to the CEO of Pfizer as a dig at O’Toole who, arguably famously, lied about having done so. C’mon, news outlets, respond to my pitch emails goddammit!

And I got that scoop. Me. I did that.

“Johnson and Johnson” square active now. “Specific Canadian mentioned” as well. Hi Annette! This talk is much more bilingual than most. Just a couple of sentences and then switching to the other language. And I idly wonder if there’s a market for counterfeit test results. Silly me, of course there is. And “Foreshadows an announcement made by someone else later.”

“Reiterates the border will remain closed” square active now.

“Variants” needs to be a new square, obviously. And “Cases decrease”.

Safe places for women and girls? And jobs for women? Great, can I have one of each, please? Never let it be said that I, as a good Lefty, failed to utilize the supports available to me. “Better days are ahead of us,” he says, so mark your “Statement of unbridled optimism” square.

Oh lord, this is what happens when you don’t have coffee. I have entirely forgotten the elaborate, pointless framing device for today. But I have a good excuse: stayed up till 4 reading an absolutely fascinating article on whether there’s another mole in the CIA/FBI matrix.

Big 2021 Energy

“Holiday referenced” for the Lunar New Year and oh god, I miss Gung Haggis Fat Choy, that most Canadian of celebrations; it’s a mashup of Chinese Lunar New Year and Robbie Burns Day, and more fun than you can imagine. And “Diversity/Anti-Racism” I forget what I called the square. And your “CBC Cadence” square as well, on re-listening. And “PPE” as well.

First question Alex MissedTheLastName Updated Ballingall from the Toronto Star. About the numbers of Vaccines, Moderna and Astra-Zenica, where they are being manufactured, how secure is the supply, and yes, it’s a variant of That Same Vaccine Supply Question.

Next question Melanie Marquis from La Presse. “Rapid tests” I should have called that earlier, but do it now. Trudeau points out that it’s not just good politics, it’s basically Just An All Around Good Fucking Idea to vaccinate as many Canadians as possible. And mark your “Sign language interpreters swapped out.” And also your “Fails to translate into the other official language.” Omission or editing? Hmmm.

Grant Forster Brett Forester Sorry, that’s what happens when I’m undercaffeinated, APTN News asking why the police were so unprepared for the violence against the Mi’kmaq fishers. And Trudeau gives him a “We are looking into it, we are concerned, it’s unacceptable to have seen any form of violence and intimidation” against First Nations.

Missed the next question, from Louis Blouin at Radio Canada, asking about bringing in more travel restrictions and what other measures the government might be contemplating, but the answer is “keeping Canadians safe” and “reiterates the border will remain closed.” And that exceptional circumstances will be considered, but they must be actually exceptional. “Every step of the way” only once this briefing, what’s going on???

Next question is from Tom Parry at CBC, “what proof do you have that Canadians are ignoring the existing quarantine?” which, duh. *points to Alberta* Trudeau goes straight into Teacher Mode and explains in detail why the three day quarantine and other basic precautions are necessary. Choices drive contagion. Actions cause epidemics. The spread of the new variants itself is the proof. Again I say, Duh, and this is why I am not employed giving briefings to the Canadian people.

Unless I missed something, which is entirely possible, he’s managed to translate each of these answers into the other official language. He uses misses at least one. Possums, I missed something. Also, mark your “Gesticulates” square.

Followup: Manitoba has gone out and tried to buy enough vaccines on its own. Trudeau says that the federal government already has enough doses for everyone in Manitoba, with a little smile that says “And they damn well know it, too.” Oh, and I just noticed that’s my favourite maroon tie.

HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS

Annie Bergeron-Oliver from CTV News about the unlocking of Alberta and Ontario, and the possibilities of envoking the War Measures Act, which sends Trudeau into a speech about “remaining vigilant” and mark your “Shades the provinces” square too. Mark “App” too. There’s no way he’s going to risk the War Measures Act becoming a Trudeau family tradition.

Mike Blanchfield, Canadian Press, asks about rapid tests and how the federal government is using those rapid tests. Because the Premiers are just sitting on theirs. Will they be used in prisons, at borders, on reservations? Trudeau says that they’re working on plans and there are millions of tests.

New question from David Akin at Global News about General Vance and his behavior and when Trudeau was aware of the problem. Mark your “Drinks water” square and mark “Coughs” which is on a very early card if I recall. Trudeau says the allegations emerged before he was PM, which doesn’t explain why Vance hung on for five whole years after that point. “Everyone has the right to a safe workplace.”

And that’s a wrap. And now, COFFEE!

For the record, I have actually “ground” coffee by pounding it with a hammer, then boiled it over an open fire to make a thin, tea-like beverage. When in Poole’s Land, improvise.

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