dick will make you slap somebody

And we’re not talking Cheney.

This is public access tv host Alexyss K. Tylor discussing vagina power and penis addiction with her mother.

Seriously, would YOU talk to your mother like that? If I did, my mother would take notes!

Uh, this is really, really NSFW. Duh.

Lessons learned in this episode:
(Read AFTER you watch the video!)

– If the man ain’t comin’, he gonna be goin’ somewhere else, puttin’ his penis in someone else.

– A lot of women will laugh and talk about a man if his penis is small.

– Just because a man is in love with your vagina doesn’t mean he’s in love with you.

– A lot of us get caught up on the dick.

– Dick will make you slap somebody.

– The penis is a heat-seeking missile, like a rocket. Information is encoded in it making it do what it do.

– Men launch their penis up in the vaginal canal. As a woman relaxes and breathes and sits on that penis and rock and move and rotate and find her rhythm and go up and down and back and forth and around in a circle, she starts getting her groove back.

– When the parts of penis hit them vagina walls, harmonizing and making them sing, a woman feels like she’s in church jumping and shouting.

– Dick’ll make you lose control.

Well, he will if you ask him nicely. And then you can slap him; he likes it that way.

But seriously, what kinda church does this woman go to? I think I saw an Emmanuelle movie like that once…

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quote o’ the day: how to choose a victim

Stolen from Sarcastro in the comments on Gawker:

…idiots are to be mocked because they can’t understand us,
children are to be mocked because they can’t hurt us and
the obese are to be mocked because they can’t catch us.

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yoga @ home, the comic book

It’s random out there. It’s dark, and it’s stormy. And it’s a little weird, especially when it gets earnest.

Sometimes one simply stumbles across a random tentacle twitchingly thrust out by the internets and one knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that this is the blog-filler for which one has been searching.

Ladies, gentlemen, and the undecided:

Yoga at Home

Uh, what are you doing down there, son? 

Handy-dandy tips in Desi comic book form for integrating old-skool yoga into one’s daily life: everything from how to rinse out your sinuses by snorting hot, salty water, to how to maintain order and protect your karma on the playground. You and your clot-ridden sinuses will wonder how you ever lived without it. Praise and flexibility be unto the Yoga Institute of Santa Cruz, Mumbai.

Until the beginning of this century there was an impression that yoga was meant only for yogis and not for householders. Shri Yogendraji, the founder of the Yoga Institute, himself a householder yogi, exploded this myth and trained thousands of men and women in the practice of Yoga.

As this century is stepping into its twilight years there is a growing awareness that the family is the bedrock of personal growth. Members of a family, be they parents or children draw inspiration, strength and faith from the family as a whole. Yoga at Home will help to have light perception and strength family bonds.

Also available in Gujarati.

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Calls for Cthulhu #3: Cthuaraoke

Heeeeeee’s back! Everyone’s favorite Elder God is standing by to take your calls now on that smash hit show, Calls for Cthulhu! Call 1-800-SOL-EATR or email cthulhu.hotstud1413 at gmail.com now!

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Hogwarts hints!

 Harry Potter didn't read his HINTS!

We don’t know who wrote this, but I stole it from Dr. Mike: here are 50 things not to do at Hogwarts. Or rather, here are just the ones I like the very most bestest:

50 Things NOT to do at Hogwarts

1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are “covered in bees”.

2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

4. “I’ve heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood’s name” is not a challenge.

5. I am not allowed to attempt to breed a liger.

6. I will not go to class skyclad.

7.The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball. [ed. note: Goddammit! Now I need to line up another date!]

10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. “Polishing my wand” in the common room is not.

11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

14. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.

17. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”.

21. It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin that “Once you go Black, you never go back.”

24. I am not to refer to the Potions classroom as “Kitchen Stadium”.

28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.

37. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.

38. I am not a Pinball Wizard.

47. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.

48. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with “What’s new, pussycat?”

Go read the rest!

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