Category Archives: Books

sign o’ the times; the time at the end of all things, when the Great Old Ones will return and clear off the Earth, to gibber in madness and ecstasy forever

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There hath he lain for ages and will lie,

Battening on huge seaworms in his sleep;

Until the latter fire shall heat the deep;

Then once by man and angels to be seen,

In roaring he shall rise and on the surface die.

And here we at the ol’ raincoaster blog thought we were the only ones who were on this Cthulhu thing around WordPress. Live and learn, and point and gibber in helpless panic at the ultrasound from sobek’s Innocent Bystanders blog.

There are other signs.

This came via Fark, as we have always known news of the End Days would arrive. Pass the whiskey. I have no intention of dying sober.

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

IT IS RISEN!

WELLINGTON, New Zealand (AP) — A new volcanic island has risen from the South Pacific near Tonga, according to reports from two vessels that passed the area.

The crew of the Maiken, a yacht that left the northern Tongan islands group of Vava’u in August, reported on their Web log on August 12 that they saw streaks of light, porous pumice stone floating in the water — then “sailed into a vast, many-miles-wide belt of densely packed pumice.”

They posted photos of huge “pumice rafts” that they encountered after passing Tonga’s Late island while sailing toward Fiji.

“We were so fascinated and busy taking pictures that we plowed a couple of hundred meters into this surreal floating stone field before we realized that we had to turn back,” wrote a crewman identified only as Haken.

The next day they spotted an active volcanic island, Haken wrote.

He said they could see the volcanic island clearly. “One mile in diameter and with four peaks and a central crater smoking with steam and once in a while an outburst high in the sky with lava and ashes. I think we’re the first ones out here,” he reported.

Oh no, far from it. But Johansen can no longer speak; he no longer has that which could serve as a tongue, nor that which could string together thoughts enough to guide it. God has been merciful to Johansen; may he be so to us as well.

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid isle of ignorance amidst black seas of chaos, and it is not meant that we should voyage far.

the way of Nigella

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Why hello there Nigella!Hello, boys!

There’s one celebrity cook the men will always tune in for, and it’s former It-Girl, now It-Woman Nigella Lawson. As famous for filling out her sweaters as she is for deep-frying Dove bars, she may be the Private Benjamin or Lisa Douglas of the kitchen, but she’s to be congratulated on bringing the sexy back to food. Martha Stewart, by comparison, is a prim Edna Mode prescribing sauteed zucchini blossoms not because they’re yummy, but because they’ll look good with the seared squab. Mario Batali is some kind of cross between Trimalchio and Mr. Creosote, swelling visibly on-camera till he threatens to burst his Crocs.

But Nigella, while she has an alarming tendency to take up with the wrong kind of fellow, does have an endearingly earthy style. In other words, she turns the men into testosterone-addled horndogs and reminds the women about all their appetites, which is a public service of a sort.

Here’s The Way of Nigella, a piece in The Morning News from a couple of years back, dropped in a comment on Gawker for which I will find the credit later (have I mentioned I’m lazy?). Nigella on raising your own shrimp, preparing soothing comfort food, and dining out at cheap Chinese counters:

I’ve found that it is hard to find good shrimp, and Nigella, the English Muffinso I’ve started farming them myself. To the inexperienced onlooker, two-phased intensive shrimp farming might seem like a daunting task. While it is hard work, I always feel rewarded. How I just love the marine smell of raw feed on my hands. From hatchery to grow-out pond, I am responsible for keeping out disease, looking after salinity conditions, and making sure that there is enough circulation in the water. When I look into my special concrete larval tanks, I am looking at thousands, if not millions, of potential shrimp-kabobs. It is the perfect blend of embracing nature – my private bountiful sea – and expectantly knowing that I’ll be feasting on lemon-buttered scampi over linguini that results ultimately in blissful domestic satisfaction.

killer snails on the move!

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Giant African Snails. Icky, icky poo!They are coming…

The snail made a splash as it entered the sea. To drown or to be eaten alive? the professor wondered. He was waist-deep when he stumbled, waist-deep but head under when the snail crashed down upon him, and he realized as the thousands of pairs of teeth began to gnaw at his back, that his fate was both to drown and to be chewed to death.

(Patricia Highsmith, The Quest for Blank Claveringi)

Cool!

via Fark. I have that story in an ancient and mouldy Alfred Hitchcock anthology, and an excellent and creeptastic suspense-filled read it is, too. Everyone loves to watch a bore get what’s really coming to him, no matter how long it takes to get there.

It appears if he lives in Barbados, it’s already arrived. AP reports on the invasion of Giant African snails:

A breed of giant, ravenous snails that first appeared in Barbados five years ago has thrived on the tropical island, destroying crops and prompting calls for the government to eliminate the slimy pests…

“We saw snails riding on each other’s backs and moving in clusters,” said David Walrond, chairman of the local emergency response office that organized 60 volunteers for the hunt…

Ah, but were they the hunters or the quarry, my friend? Let us hope that these comparatively peaceable, although potentially fatal and certainly voracious, snails never call upon their aquatic cousins, the deadly Cone Snails, one of the most poisonous creatures to crawl across the beslimed and horror-struck face of the planet. One message carried through the briny vastness to Rl’yeh and an army of vengence could be unleashed!

In fact, they may already be on their way, streaming towards Barbados by the thousands.

Just. Very. Slowly.

now boarding, at gate 666

Boris Johnson on webcameron

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Stole this from, obviously, webcameron, whose bizarre insistence on iTunes and other commercial players like Realplayer essentially takes what could be a community-building tool, ie video podcasts, and makes it into something that can only be accessed on an individual basis. I don’t see why they want people to put this on their iPods but not their blogs, so being me I have subverted that. (I note that the current one is embeddable, has something changed? The archives can’t be viewed this way it seems, or am I stoned on cold medicine again?)

Besides, I could use a powerful enemy. Hits are down; need a flamewar. Bring it!

UPDATE: They brung it. YouTube killed the video after the Conservative Party yelped about the fact that their message was being freely distributed across the blogosphere. Can’t have that now, can we? 

BTW to all those people who ask me who the hell Boris Johnson is, check it out; he’s the blond one at the end with the bust of Pericles and the housekeeping style incredibly reminiscent of someone you know. Also, he will show you what’s in his drawers. Anything for the party, eh? Those Tories will do anything to get elected, I’m telling you.

“saw this and thought of you”

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My friends send me the sweetest little notes. The packages they’re attached to, however…

Presenting the Mad Scientist Laughing Contest, from Helsinki, Finland, proud home to one of the highest rates of Seasonal Affective Disorder in the world. Here, we can see the tragic consequences.