Hvacrpro takes us on a Flashback to 2009

It's spam, man

It’s spam, man

Ah, AutoDM spam! That takes me back; back all the way to 2009. Mariah Carey wants to know what love is. The Glee cast found somebody to love. Alicia Keys and Jay-Z were in an Empire state of mind.

And spammers had just discovered Twitter.

The revolting Auto-DM, in which a marketer automatically privately messages some “Like us on Facebook and ask me about MLM marketing” garbage, is a noxious remnant of that time, clinging to its loathsomely recrudescent existence with brittle, shattered claws, refusing to let go, refusing to acknowledge that, in fact, it is noxious spam.

And today I got one.

Now, I’m not cruel. Okay, sometimes I’m not cruel. And people do get hacked, do authorize apps which then go bad and start DMing spam. So I generally give them a heads-up along the lines of “oh, and did you mean to send that spam?”

And so it was on Twitter today, when I got an autoDM from @Hvacrpro, a self-proclaimed “World Shaper, Media Shaker,Game Changer & Innovator’ Progressive Democratic Union Party. Love my Country, & Christian, Live2Tweet&Love2Live,Teabagger whisperer” and Blogspot blogger. Oooh, colour me impressed!

It went something like this.

5h

Hvacrpro's avatar
Hvacrpro @Hvacrpro

Hi! You can auto follow back, find unfollowers, unfollow inactive users, check for fake followers, and more FREE at bit.ly/14quajJ

3h

raincoaster's avatar
raincoaster @raincoaster

Or I could become offended by this spam

16m

Hvacrpro's avatar
Hvacrpro @Hvacrpro

spam is sales, promotion and marketing… this is not the same its an automated message, get with the times.

16m

Hvacrpro's avatar
Hvacrpro @Hvacrpro

research before u put your foot into your mouth.

16m

Hvacrpro's avatar
Hvacrpro @Hvacrpro

:P

Whereupon I unfollowed him, wondering what in the UNIVERSE had ever induced me to follow somebody who thought self-righteous spam, insults and “:P” were advanced marketing techniques.

Not exactly sure what his brand of “conservative corporatism” is meant to conserve, but I don’t know many corporations who’d be happy to admit they’d hired this loosaire.

Venezuela: A New Age Dawns

after chavez

after chavez

Okay, Venezuela: wait for it. Once they get their troops back from Iraq and Afghanistan, you’re about to face the oldest, most PTSD’d army on the face of the Earth.

WikiLeaks: the personal care product line

Julian Assange protect the truth condom line

Julian Assange protect the truth condom line available soon at a store near you!

So, one evening I was hanging on Twitter with hacktivists and freedom fighters from around the world (as one does) when one of them came up with a brilliant plan. Not only will it garner huge media coverage for its salacious possibilities, but it will raise money for WikiLeaks and Assange‘s lawyers at the same time as contributing in a very direct way to making the world a cleaner, more attractive place.

Thanks to @Treisiroon for collating them all, and @SeasangJ, @Pandymonium01 and @AssangeC for playing along. Your cheques are in the mail. As for the rest of you, put your suggestions in the comments section.

And yes, I DO know I’m opening this up for trolls.

Announcing WikiLeaks personal care products!

Contradiction fragrance, a woman’s perogative.

Clean as a Whistleblower soap.

Mendax fragrance, the scent of danger.

Mendax fragrance, nobly untruthful.

Mendax fragrance, From Melbourne to Nairobi, Cambodia to London, The Truth Will Set You Free.

Mendax cologne- because you pwn it.

Mendax cologne… awesome audaciousness.

Mendax cologne, The Scent of Freedom.

Mendax cologne, Get A Whiff of the Truth.

Mendax Gentleman’s overnight bag slash travellers case.

Mendax condom for all night lulz. [hmmm, I foresee difficulty marketing a condom which causes one or one’s partner to collapse in fits of laughter. Or is that just me?] specially treated so no DNA remains ….”Swedish tear test approved DS9001.”

Mendax condoms, because he knows he’ll need it.

Mendax condoms, love the audacity.

Mendax: Dare to Wear it! [unsure whether this refers to condom or cologne, so suggest gift packs containing both, just in time for the holiday season]

Julian, transparent masculinity. [I rather think this is a condom as well. Either that or some kind of macho wrestling body oil]

Redacted deodorant, because not everything should be shared.

Asylum fragrance, too hot to handle.

Silver Fox haircare. [can we get Anderson Cooper as a spokesmodel?]

Oh, the possibilities are endless. Thanks to all who participated in this crowd-sourced effort to diversify WikiLeaks. Remember, united we stand, diversified we profit!

Quote o’ the Day: Stripping

Yellowknife Commute, Frame Lake Trail 7

“White people came here a long time ago; took all the furs; trapped all the beaver out; and the otter and the mink, things like that; and they gathered all these things up. They went away and they left us with the bush and the rocks. It wasn’t too much later they came back again. They call that logging. Cut down all the trees; white pine, red pine, cut it all down. And they left us on the bare rocks. Then they discovered uranium here. And the old man said, ‘Now the sons-a-bitches are back for the rocks.'”

Gilbert Oskaboose, Serpent River First Nation

Gilbert Oskaboose

Gilbert Oskaboose

Julian Assange, Ecuador, Chevron, and the greasy world of Big Oil

Whatchoolookinat?

Whatchoolookinat?


This is what you call a Storify, and I’m not at all sure it will embed in a WordPress.com blog, even with all my tricks, so bear with me if I’m constantly editing this mofo.

Long story short: Heather Marsh, head of The Global Square, who is one of the most brilliant people I’ve ever met in my life, has come up with a possible link between the US pressure on the UK to invade the Ecuadorian Embassy and the economic interests of American oil companies in Latin America, including a possible debt for votes swap.

Okay, now that I’ve posted it I see it’s ugly as hell. I encourage you to read it on the Storify Site, where you can get an embed code to put it on your own blog, as long as it’s not a WordPress.com blog.
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