Category Archives: Celebrity

do the math

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Daily Total: 

1 stir fry serving
1 brown rice serving
4 iced tea servings

1 Kirin serving
3 Plymouth gin & tonic servings
with lime, so that counts as three fruit servings, right?

1 well gin & tonic, with lime
1 Bombay Sapphire & tonic, which the lesbian bartender bought for me because the dress I borrowed from Nina gave the impression there was a Playboy bunny hiding under this mild-mannered librarian type. She also bought Nina‘s drink, which I was paying for, but by that time I was too wasted to do the math. I thought there were a lot of loonies there…more than usual on the DowntownEastSide, I mean.

All the lesbians assumed I was the butch one of the trio, because I was the one with the glasses: Alicia is a Kiev-trained ballerina and Nina is an Indian dancer, among their many other talents and accomplishments, so as they got their groove on every dyke in the place became incredibly jealous of me. I wasn’t about to tell them we were straight; hello, I was getting free drinks! Hey, I was drunk, but I was not crazy!

I must remember to use Nina as my stylist more often.

Capitol Hill has Eyes

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And they’re Ann Coulter’s!!!

Ann/Michael, sorta like Ann Margret, only scary

From Welcome to Pottersville:

Only someone like Ann Coulter can publicly applaud the nightmarish, Aldous Huxleyan jingoism that drives Israel to encourage its children to write greetings on bombs about to be dropped on top of their Lebanese counterparts. In doing so, Ann Coulter proves once again that, while Laura Bush may be America’s First Lady, she is America’s First Cunt.

OTHER review o’ the day: the Fuggers on Paula Abdul

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Ya gotta luv these shrivelled little hearts made of tar. Even more vicious than AA Gill!

Paula, what happened? Meteorite collision?

A snippet is reproduced here. Read the full horror of the report post-mortem here.

As for the Sternum of Doom… what meteor carved that crater? Did her pact with the devil go bad? Did Simon Cowell carve it out with a spoon? Did it sacrifice itself to become a chin or cheek implant? Did a nearby stripper accidentally ding her by sneezing while launching a ping-pong missile out of her nether region?

check into the Paris Hilton

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Who don’t luv a good, dirty pun, eh?

Operation Global Media Domination: award-winning roundup

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Miss Congeniality, or Miss Conception?

I’d like to thank all the little people…before they turn on me.

Also the Generator Blog, from whence I stole this Web-award generator. Hey, no sense in waiting for the grass to grow, eh? I thought I’d give all those web-awarders a helping hand. That’s right; raincoaster is always thinking of others. So put your feet up, guys. I’ve gotcha covered.

Meanwhile, in Operation Global Media Domination news, I am happy to report that I have cracked the top 89,000 on Technorati, out of about 45 million blogs, and only since the second-last day of February, when I started the blog. Mother would be so proud. Thanks are particularly due all those Brits who have mistaken me for one of themselves, and a True Patriot at that. Look, I hate Tony Blair as much as any of you, but I also have extremely mixed feelings. It’s…it’s complicated, okay??? Oh yeah, and somebody came to the blog looking for BoJo Porn; try the Times.

The posts most responsible for this rush to the cranial summit of the blogosphere are, of course, Beautiful Agony and 101 Bottles of diet coke, 523 mentos, and 2 mad scientists. Baby Eagles are still big in parts of Cyberia, and some poor, demented dude keeps hitting the blog every damn day looking for Charo porn and finding only a cool, Up With Queers music video. Speaking of gays, Ernest and Bertram went viral for a day or so, landing on a couple of forums across the ocean until the bandwidth got bustickated or whatever it is that happens to bandwidth; short form, E&B viral campaign snipped in the bud, dammit!!!

The latest potentially-viral stars are a couple of YouTubers: Chad Vader, Day Shift Manager, the sad tale of Darth‘s loserish brother’s humdrum life, and Paris Hilton stewing, nearly nekkid, in poop soup. Then there’s the Found Porn Slideshow, always a big hit with the Neanderthals.

The only serious post that’s showing any longevity is From Israel, With Love, the Update which is good as the MSM and much of the blogosphere including BoingBoing seems to have got the story substantially wrong, even after corrections.

So that’s all for this edition of Operation Global Media Domination, other than to say that going offline for a few days actually increased the hits. When I went on vacation, my “take it for granted” number of hits was 300. Now it’s 650.

I should take more vacations.