MC Nuts vs the Shat: rapping the classics, old skool

I love that the YouTube post for the following says, with a boundless and entirely irrational optimism, “See http://www.utalkmarketing.com for more like this,” almost as if you’d want to. The shrivelled and crusty cockles of one’s heart are bewarméd at their boyish enthusiasm and entirely unjustifiable pride in product. You GO, girlfriends!

How not to rap the classics: with a cheap squirrel costume, rancid moves, a transparent mercenaric desperation to appeal to “yoof,” and an intrusive fake “street” accent, eg the Lake Country‘s tourism campaign’s would-be-viral video of Wordsworth‘s great Romantic poem, “I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud“.  

Contagious? Like ebola, baby! This thing has infected hard drives all over the world and, in fact, any laptop laid on a table that’s had an electronic device that has played this within the last thirty days is 80% likely to have its circuits liquified, spewing silicon in horrific gushes from every oriface.

Now, watch how it should be done, by that master of subtlety, The Shat!

Honestly, when William. Fucking. Shatner. pulls this off better than you, it’s time to turn in your Norton Anthology.

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Fame, Glory, Sex and Money through Blogging: what it takes to beat the squirrel babies

Jedi Squirrels unite! 

Fame. Glory. Sex. Money. You want it all. You want it now.

And you want to get it by blogging.

I hear you, baby. I know how you feel. I’m one of you.

I’m about to give you some bad news

The Fame? That comes fast, as long as you define “fame” as “slightly known, in that they can kindasorta recognize my header but have no idea what I look like way, to people who already read blogs.” This is a smaller group than you currently imagine, and even your late-night entreaties of the retired longshoremen on the rail at your local watering hole are not likely to change it on a measurable scale.

If you want to be famous to politicians’ research staffers, WoW-playing slackers, or sysadmins, however, you’ve got it made.

The Glory? See above, plus your mother will be proud of you once you spend three consecutive holidays explaining to her what blogging is and showing her how to put YOUR blog in HER email signature. Unless you’re a porn blogger, and then we don’t want to know about your relationship with your mother.

The Sex? You mean with other people? What would I know about that? Ask the porn bloggers if you must.

The Money?Ah, the money. Now we come to it; you figured that if you stuck Adsense on your cat blog that you could just sit back and watch the millions roll in, didn’t you? You’ve taken a couple of overpriced SEO seminars and can’t understand why you aren’t able to quit your day job just yet.

In point of fact, there are three ways to earn six figures from blogging.

  1. Be Robert Scoble.
  2. The engtech method
  3. The Manolo method

Of these three, we at the ol’ raincoaster blog favour #3, for lo, we are in truth and in fact not Robert Scoble and yea verily we can hardly understand what engtech says half the time (and could only get a six-figure job if you left out the decimal entirely), so that leaves only one option.

Fortunately, the Magnanimous Manolo has laid out a simple yet superfantastic planenabling you to scale the heights of the six-figure-blogo-strato-sphere. Or, as he puts it, “to beat the squirrel babies.”

You may think, Mr. Arturo G. Bloggerman, that your grand mission is to enlighten the unwashed masses, to whom you declaim the unpleasant truth from your exalted perch at declaimingloudly.blogspot.com. But in the point of fact, if the unwashed masses do not find your loud declamations entertaining they will quickly move down the street to the Cuteoverload to look at the pictures of the squirrel babies.

So, what must you do to compete with the squirrel babies?

Read the rest of the articleto learn the superfantastic surefire secret to six-figure success!
(sorry, been reading a lot of marketing faff lately)

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quiz: what colour should your blog be?

Ah, there is nothing I can add to this except “and you are always right” but of course that goes without saying. Stolen from MasterCowfish, which really isn’t purple at all.


Your Blog Should Be Orange


Your writing has a star quality – it’s charming, bold, and flamboyant.

You write what’s on your mind, without fear of embarrassment later.

You are one of the most honest bloggers around, and people appreciate your daring persona.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

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tag and release

Never forget! 

Tag, anyway. Release? I dunno: I get off on blogging, but how was it for you?

Despite my noted antipathy towards chain letters, meme-tagging, and all associated nonsense, both the esteemed Juvenal and the self-esteemed Stilletto Girl have tagged me as being a Thogger.

The participation rules are simple:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the ‘Thinking Blogger Award’ with a link to the post that you wrote (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn’t fit your blog).

This is better than it sounds, and really quite brave of them, all things considered.

So I’m a blog that makes you think, eh? Probably one that makes you think Canadians are a group of degenerate, tentacled, squid-souled anarchists, and quite right you are (note that all Canadians who do not fit that description are, in fact, Albertans). I am flattered nonetheless.

Release: In the spirit of Anarchy, I’m passing this tag along to anyone who wants to volunteer for it. I have a rare, refined, and reflective group of readers and feel confident that anyone who would step up for this is both ballsy and thought-provoking.

Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

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abnormal service shall resume shortly

We’ve been experiencing some technical difficulties around the ol’ raincoaster blog over the past couple of days, and besides, I’ve been holed up with my secret crush. Abnormal service will resume shortly, and in the meantime did you know that you can vote once per day in the Best of Blogs?

*hint, hint*