Category Archives: Crime

sick leave for all!

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Flu of 1918

As a good anarchal communist and a functional socialist, I support paid sick leave for all. Capitalists whine, and say that sickos aren’t helping our economy any, but hey, with healthcare the fastest-growing industry, what would happen if all of a sudden nobody went to the doctor anymore? Global collapse, that’s what would happen! I’m telling you, besides staving off global communist revolution, supplying paid sick leave provides real benefits to the country, any country. Such as?

Such as, did you know that very likely none, repeat, none of the people who handle your food before you eat it get paid sick leave? Also, that none of them get paid enough to stay home when they’re sick and just blow off a day’s pay? And do you know what that means for the state of the food you get? That’s right, it’s accompanied by an invisible garnish of everything they’ve picked up recently, from the salmonella on the eggshells for the eggs benny they made before they tossed your salad to the flu virus they got from the doorknob. And no, they don’t wear gloves. Paid sick leave for all workers, from minimum wage on up would cut off a major source of transmission right there.

Not only that, but it can prevent criminal arrest and incarceration. At an average cost of over $36,000 p.a., prison is an expensive option. Imagine the savings to the American people if this guy had gotten fifty bucks to just stay home instead.

A man is in police custody in Sacramento, Calif., after his attempt to rob a bank was foiled by his own runny nose. Sudan Provost, 40, entered a bank in downtown Sacramento Friday afternoon and announced in a low voice that he was there to rob it — but apparently, nobody heard him, the Sacramento Bee reported. Provost then walked up to a teller’s window, indicated he was armed and asked for a tissue…

That is one tough teller. “I’ve got a gun, give me a Kleenex.” “No.”

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weirdness roundup: also-rans

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weird al mona lisaHere’s a brief taste of weirdnesses I cruised or missed which didn’t make it into the ol’ raincoaster blog, for one reason or another. If it’s Santa-related or Squid-related, you can assume the reason it didn’t get into the blog has to do with the fact that I copied it to the hard drive at home before the cable went out and haven’t been back to get it. Otherwise, it’s the kinda thing where I looked at it and said Nah, we’ve had too many Darth Vader Sticks Up a Drive Through stories recently, and I just skipped it.

He-Man Sings Four Non-Blondes. The reason I didn’t post this is simply that I figured everyone on Earth had seen it, but I found out today that’s not true. So here it is. Break out the rainbow legwarmers and glow sticks and put on your dancin’ shoes!

An Aussie roundup of world-wide weirdness, all of which escaped the blog except the Brazillian who blowed himself up.

I’d a used this one if I’d seen it in time:

In Cologne, a plastic surgeon cheated out of payment by two women using fake names gave “wanted” pictures of their enlarged breasts to police.

I’ll BET they were wanted!

Rich people getting ripped off on luxury items. You see these from time to time and every time I think: This is news? This is justice, baby!

The best of Dear Prudence. I’ve read it. There IS no best. Dear Prudence, please shut the fuck up.

Predictions, particularly by people who were wrong in the past, and who start their prediction stories by listing instances of them screwing up last year. What hurts most when I read these is realizing he was paid just as much for “I was wrong when I said Britney and K-Fed would have a girl” as “And today the the weird eyeSudan was invaded by Ethiopia…”

Public opinion polls, particularly contradictory ones. If I wanted to know what the common people thought, I’d go to the bloody beer store and I’d ask them.

Praise be to Fark, which is a year-round source of insanity upon which I have come to rely. And some day I’ll even figure out how to register there. Maybe.

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would you watch Saddam Hussein die?

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This got started in the comments section of another post, but it seems to me more than deserving of its own post; it is far more important than Saddam Hussein’s last words. I started to watch the Daniel Pearl video, then I stopped it and did not go on. But I have read all kinds of banned documents, including the manual of Afghani Jihad, and I think I would watch the Steve Irwin video if his family would allow it to be released, so why I draw the line here but not there, I am not really sure I know.

Here’s the debate so far:

Continue reading →

Ali Eteraz on Saddam Hussein

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Step one accomplished...now for the branding...

Eteraz is a genius, but it’s not hard to see why some of us are a tad bit worried for him; the Muslim comic strip wasn’t really very funny, but it was really very dangerous. That was nothing, however, to today’s post about the execution of Saddam Hussein.

 

How To Slaughter A Beast At Eid ul Adha

By Ali Eteraz
Posted on Sat Dec 30, 2006 at 02:08:21 PM EST

The first step in slaughtering an animal at Eid ul Adha is to establish to the animal that you are the man and he the beast, with you being firmly in charge.

The second step in slaughtering an animal at Eid ul Adha is to capture the beast. Often the animal can be found grazing upon various desert shrubs. He can be baited by way of grass, water, or sometimes, doritos…

Read the rest here.

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The Darwin Awards for 2006

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Charles Darwin, yo!These are the most popular nominations, by public vote, for the year’s best examples of removing yourself from a grateful gene pool by sheer force of your own innate (or learned) stupidity. Interestingly, the overwhelming winner is contentious enough that they are considering removing the category altogether; it seems that there are quite a lot of people who believe strongly that pounding on RPGs with a sledgehammer or rolling an unexploded bomb downhill is not stupid behavior if the alternative is poverty. In these cases, however, the alternative was a life in poverty, which is surely the smart choice under these or, indeed, any circumstances.

Seriously, people, economic imperatives only override physical ones when the intellect fails; this is why they are called the Darwin Awards. You can’t provide for your family if you blowed yourself up real good; species who favour food which is poisonous to them tend to die out. Simple.

Donald Trump or Stephen Harper, feel free to disagree and to take your disagreement to the nearest RPG or bomb on the top of a hill.

Stories Ranked by Vote

Hammer of Doom 8.0 (2421 votes)

Stubbed Out 7.8 (1838 votes)

Star Wars 7.8 (1664 votes)

High on Life 7.7 (1423 votes)

Score For Goliath 7.3 (2150 votes)

Copper Kite 7.3 (1006 votes)

Faithful Flotation 7.2 (1804 votes)

Technical Difficulties 5.9 (46 votes)

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