123 ways to drive Voldemort insane

(er)

Elvis! Voldemort!

Stolen from Myspace, which stole it from Mugglenet. If anyone has the original link, I’d be much obliged if they’d put it in the comments so I can add it. Found it!

1. Ask him why he ‘doesn’t have such a cool scar?’

2. Laugh at him.

3. Wake him up by singing Beach Boys songs in his ear. ‘Round, round, get around, I get around…’

4. Knit him things. Really hideous things.

5. Give him kangaroo-ears for a month.

6. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.

7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.

8. Dance the Funky Chicken.

9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.

10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.

11. If you ever need to say ‘Like taking candy from a baby’, be sure to add ‘Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.’ Stare pointedly at him.

12. Play ‘knock-&-run’ at his bedchamber door late at night.

13. Call him ‘The-Man-Who-Let-the-Boy-Live.’

14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn’t look like something ‘more socially acceptable?’

15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.

16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.

17. Be cheerful.

18. When he tries to impress you with his powers, say ‘Awwwww, lookit. Voldie’s got a twiggle!’

19. Try to teach him to play a mouth organ.

20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like ‘You’re the boss, boss’ or ‘It’s your funeral.’

21. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic ‘My sir, you look particularly menacing today.’

22. Taunt him about his middle name. ‘Marvolo? What’s that – a washing detergent?’

23. Keep a ‘good-behaviour chart’. Award points and give out gold stars.

24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.

25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there…

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Continue reading

female porn

What do women want? This, baby. Throw in the ability not to backseat drive and you’ve got the perfect man.

From Al Lowe via MasterCowfish.

Female porn

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WWTJD? What would Tom Jones do?

Well, it’s a question. When I was little I used to ask myself what Anne Murray would do…then it became Kate Jackson. Yeah, that’s how old I am!

In any case, men can do a lot worse than to ask themselves: What Would Tom Jones Do? Think about it: rudderless milquetoasts everywhere suddenly become assertive, seductive, sweaty, ice-cool, red hot, and Welsh-American-accented!

From CulturePulp, by Mike Russell

What Would Tom Jones Do?

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what if…the Brontë sisters had a heavy metal band?

SpyStolen from the greatest magazine in the history of recorded thought, Spy, via the greatest blog based on blogging the best dead magazine in recorded thought in recorded thought, Ten Years Ago in Spy.

“What If the Brontë Sisters Had Been in a Heavy-Metal Band?”

[Wouldn’t they be Kittie?]

1826
Emily rejects ritual indoctrination in the domestic arts; vows to create a “towering wall of sounds.”
1842
Anne throws straw-poke bonnet into seething concert crowd at Albert Hall.
1849
Charlotte returns to public house to trash furniture and have sex with publican; locks manager, Mrs. Rochester, in attic.

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Marcia, my Marcia

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha

“It is not enough to succeed. One’s friends must also fail.”

Oscar Wilde
who really knew what he was talking about.

 

 

All the Love in the World
Trent Reznor/Nine Inch Nails

Watching all the insects march along
Seem to know just right where they belong
Smears of face reflecting in the crawl
Hiding in the crowd, I’m all alone

No one’s heard a single word I’ve said
They don’t sound as good outside my head
It looks as though the past is here to stay
I’ve become a million miles away

Why do you get all the love in the world? (x2)

All the jagged edges disappear
Colors all look brighter when you’re near
The stars are all afire in the sky
Sometimes I get so lonely I could…

Why do you get all the love in the world? (x4)
Why do you get all the love in the world? (x4)
Why do you get all the love in the world?
(repeated many times, as if you could ever repeat it enough)

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