The Long War: Laurie Lee and Alan Rickman

Here is everyone’s favorite velvet-throated thespian Alan Rickman, reading Laurie Lee’s poem The Long War for Peace Day, which was, apparently, September 21st. I wish they’d tell me these things ahead of time.

The Long War is a title which has been applied to any number of seemingly-endless conflicts, most recently used by the Bush administration to describe their “War on Terror” which has been the excuse for the continuing encroachments on civil liberties both within the US and around the world.

From The Long War by William S. Lind:

Long wars are usually strategic disasters for winners as well as losers, because they leave all parties exhausted. If they work to anyone’s advantage, it tends to be the weaker party’s, because its alternative is rapid defeat. The Rumsfeld Pentagon certainly does not see the United States as the weaker party in its “Global War on Terrorism.” So why has it adopted a long war strategy, or more accurately lack of strategy, unless one sees national exhaustion as a plus?

The answer is a common strategic blunder, but again one that is seldom seen up front; it normally arises as a war continues longer and proves more difficult than expected. The blunder is maximalist objectives. In a speech announcing the QDR, Secretary Rumsfeld said, speaking of our Fourth Generation opponents,

“Compelled by a militant ideology that celebrates murder and suicide, with no territory to defend, with little to lose, they will either succeed in changing our way of life or we will succeed in changing theirs.”

Guess which one won.

The Long War
by Laurie Lee

Less passionate the long war throws
its burning thorn about all men,
caught in one grief, we share one wound,
and cry one dialect of pain.

We have forgot who fired the house
Whose easy mischief spilled first blood
Under one raging roof we lie
The fault no longer understood
But as our twisted arms embrace the desert where our cities stood
Death’s family likeness in each face must show at last our brotherhood.

it’s never too late: Harry Potter spoiler generator

No, really. It’s never too late. I still haven’t read the last one!

My Harry Potter Spoiler of Doom is:
Draco Malfoy becomes a billionaire in the software market by using Mooncalf dung
Get your Harry Potter Spoiler of Doom

Actually, anyone such as myself who PAID for WindowsME could tell you that this one came true.

Celebrity Mug Shot

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the four Yorkshiremen

I’ve been meaning to steal this for some time, but have been holding off because the blogger from whom I stole it was threatened right off the Internet by that anal retentive egotist Hitchens‘ little brother,” not to be confused with his more powerful and eloquent brother, nor with The Hitch, who is far more amusing and not afraid of god or man, much less a snivelling, brittle journalist. I was hoping she’d come back online, but “the other Hitchens” has probably gone so far as to rip up the power lines delivering electricity to her house, restoring her to a state not unlike those pre-Industrial peasants for whom he bears such apparent fondness.

But she’s gone. Hope somewhere a desperately enema-deprived hack is happily snickering into his posset. And drunkenly spilling it right into his shrivelled and dusty lap.

Anyway, here’s four whining Yorkshiremen: Eddie Izzard, Harry Enfield, Vic Reeves and the Voice of God himself, Alan Rickman.

And transcript, courtesy of BadKittyCat over the jump.

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123 ways to drive Voldemort insane


Elvis! Voldemort!

Stolen from Myspace, which stole it from Mugglenet. If anyone has the original link, I’d be much obliged if they’d put it in the comments so I can add it. Found it!

1. Ask him why he ‘doesn’t have such a cool scar?’

2. Laugh at him.

3. Wake him up by singing Beach Boys songs in his ear. ‘Round, round, get around, I get around…’

4. Knit him things. Really hideous things.

5. Give him kangaroo-ears for a month.

6. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.

7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.

8. Dance the Funky Chicken.

9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.

10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.

11. If you ever need to say ‘Like taking candy from a baby’, be sure to add ‘Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.’ Stare pointedly at him.

12. Play ‘knock-&-run’ at his bedchamber door late at night.

13. Call him ‘The-Man-Who-Let-the-Boy-Live.’

14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn’t look like something ‘more socially acceptable?’

15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.

16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.

17. Be cheerful.

18. When he tries to impress you with his powers, say ‘Awwwww, lookit. Voldie’s got a twiggle!’

19. Try to teach him to play a mouth organ.

20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like ‘You’re the boss, boss’ or ‘It’s your funeral.’

21. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic ‘My sir, you look particularly menacing today.’

22. Taunt him about his middle name. ‘Marvolo? What’s that – a washing detergent?’

23. Keep a ‘good-behaviour chart’. Award points and give out gold stars.

24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.

25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there…

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alternate ending: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

I like it: how about you? Surely any fan of the immortal Indiana Jones should prefer this, rather tidier ending to the least terminable book in the series.

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