Category Archives: Fans

Walken to dial down the weird

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Walken plays pool just like you, and when he's done he makes gold records!It’ll be a blow to his longtime fans, but cinematic icon and soul-blackened master of the bizarre Christopher Walken is to take on the most challenging role of his career.

In a complete reversal of his normal role-seeking priorities, Walken has chosen a character who, despite an outward appearance of berserk, orgiastic hedonism, actually possesses the soul of a retired bee-keeper in the Cotswolds.

Christopher Walken is to play Ozzy Ozbourne. Defamer has the rest:

Motley Crue lead singer Vince Neil told ABC News Radio in an exclusive interview that the 63-year-old Oscar-winning actor will make a cameo appearance as Osbourne in “The Dirt,” a movie based on the band’s controversial 2001 autobiography…

…other stars are going to appear in the film as rock stars, including Val Kilmer as David Lee Roth.

Both of those men are going to have to dial the weird RIGHT DOWN in order to play these rock gods. And, I imagine, they’ll be blowing off a lot of pent-up steam with the extras later.

Play safe, boys! Rough play with airborne blood particles must only take place in a properly tarped zone…

Operation Global Media Domination: ATTENTION READERS!!!

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Michael J. Fox, foxWhichever one of you came here through a search for “why michael j. fox pleasures his fans,” you need to talk to me, baby.

What did you hear, when did you hear it, who has he pleasured, and, most importantly, how is he?

< tastelessness > some of us have been looking for a way to combine the perfect man and the perfect vibrator for a very long time < / endtastelessness >

site o’ the day: the call of plush Cthulhu, at the laundrybasket of madness

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surrender yourself to the crawling chaos, or at least hand over the acorn, dammit

From time to time we here at the ol’ raincoaster blog like to get out for a stroll around strange and eldritch parts (no dirty jokes, Metro!) and see what we can discover. We have just returned from such a journey, one that has left us strangely shaken, ill at ease, suspecting that behind the homely reality that we have come to know as “the world” lie unutterable gulfs of madness, spiralling into the great abyss for eons beyond time…

So we thought we’d show you this. Prepare yourselves, mortals!

The Tale of Plush Cthulhu

“How odd it looks!” said Miss Kitty Fluffington. “Very non-Euclidian.”

“Yes,” said Brown Snuggly Bear, “but thank goodness it isn’t squamous.”

“Or gibbous,” said Mister Bright Eyes.

“It seems to be covering something,” said Miss Kitty Fluffington. “Let’s see!”

Events proceed predictably…

Yes, plush Cthulhu! The stars were right again and a band of innocent stuffed animals had released Him into the world by accident.

“Uh, oh,” said Baby Boy Fluffy Bunny.

Another soul-chilling tale of terror from the posthumous hand and cruelly unhinged mind of the master of horror.

Great Cthulhu meets the Keeper of the Pet Door

Brian Atene, meet Denny Blazin Hazen, the Average Homeboy

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Brian Atene, 20, Aug 16, 1963

Brian Atene, 20, Aug 16, 1963 and then they broke the mold

A brief refresher before we begin.

You all remember Brian Atene, bad audition posterboy and internet laughingstock for the video he made to convince Stanley Kubrick (CUE-brick) to give him the lead in Full Metal Jacket. Naturally, in a smarmy culture where everyone’s a comedian, it wasn’t long before someone made a series of viciously amusing Brian Atene: the Chubby Years videos to bring us up to speed on our hero.

What separates Brian Atene from David Hasselhoff? One thing, ladies and gentlemen: staying power. If David Hasselhoff were an internet laughingstock, you can bet your sweet bippy that it would be David Hasselhoff and nobody else who would make the mocking “where are they now” video, and he’d be up until the wee hours, uploading that puppy to YouTube and, for all I know, favoriting it under eight hundred different usernames.

Brian Atene is no David Hasselhoff.

But Denny Blazin Hazen is.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present Denny Blaze, circa 1986. Don’t laugh: you wore those ridiculous pants too, didn’t you?

It’s okay. Breathe. Breathe. Nobody’s going to make you mousse your mullet if you don’t want to. Just relax.

Now see what Denny Blaze has done in response to that video’s 546,401 views, 326 comments, and 1083 times favorited.

He’s owned it.

I am now solidly on Team Average Homeboy! Bonus points that he’s kept in shape, too. Looks better than generational icon and sex scandaliste Rob Lowe, who’s starting to get that Keef look around the eyes, and for good reason from what I hear.

Springtime for Steve (Irwin)

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it's springtime for hitler, baby!

In a nod to the most glorious traditions of musical theatre, producers in Australia have commissioned a tour de farce guaranteed to land on front pages around the world on opening night.

The draw?

Steve Irwin, singing “Let that stingray of love pierce your heart,” backed up by a chorus line of dancing stingrays.

Crikey.

crikey man, put that thing away. Too soon! Too soon!