Every time a hipster dies doing something ridiculously ironic and self-conscious, an angel gets its wings.
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Category Archives: geek
The Progress Bar Unicorn Chaser
- Image by Smithsonian Institution via Flickr
It’s Wednesday. Is it ever Wednesday. It’s that Wednesday, in fact, when you’re invited to a fabulous cocktail and catering showcase in a swanky hotel and you get there and the staff says Sorry, it’s not in this hotel, it’s in that hotel, and you go to that hotel and wander around, peeping in the ballrooms and concluding (on very little evidence, it must be admitted, except the Board of Trade cards left on one of the tables) that it looks like no balls were had that day, not even those of the cute bellboy, because you were running a bit late and besides, still weren’t entirely convinced you was in the right hotel, and when you ask the staff they say you were worried for good reason because the event is not, in fact, in that hotel, but in still a third one if it’s anywhere, and now you’ve got a 15-minute walk ahead of you in your flowered sandals which are very pretty but definitely more akin to a cheese wire between your toes than one is or should ever become used to, and so you go halfway to the third hotel, decide you’re hungry and your feet hurt, and stop for a #14 with beef and a diet coke.
THAT Wednesday.
That Wednesday when your computer scan renders the system so unstable that you conclude that it, itself, is a threat, and you delete it.
That Wednesday when you’re 48 hours behind on something that isn’t even due yet and you’re already two days late with it.
That Wednesday when the office is full of people having meetings at the back and guys doing construction at the front, and, very definitely, the smell of dairy products gone bad ages ago, perhaps when Elvis was last in the building, and now lying, forgotten, in a dark corner where they are becoming progressively more expensive cheese products by the day.
That Wednesday when, if you open the door to get some fresh air, the crackies chat you up.
That Wednesday when you think THIS would be a good post.
That Wednesday when you fantasize about winning the lottery and opening this:
The Progress Bar, loading in progress. I'll take the seat closest the whiskey
Ahhhh, that’s more like it. And so, in the name of progress, we present my inaugural link roundup at the ol’ raincoaster blog, a new tradition which is destined to continue at least until Google has seen the error of its ways and reversed The Soundtrack for Losers Situation. Yes, this is what I get paid for, three times a week.
Mean Disney Girls just a bunch of drama queens (raincoaster)
The Beatles, Captured! (Lolebrity)
Rihanna is disoriented, hideous (Ayyyy)
Reznorvision coming soon to your screens? (AgentBedhead)
The Face of Kotex! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Some people will do ANYTHING to impress Sandra Bullock’s castoffs (CeleBitchy)
Spot the cyborgs among us! (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)
Violent repeat felon seeks custodianship of Lindsay Lohan (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Michael Bolton, it is FAR too late for respect! (CelebritySmack)
Gaga a Go-Go (CityRag)
Naomi Campbell’s feet are HUGE (CojoStyle)
Yes, everyone but me DOES have a book deal (DailyStab)
Macaroni Rascals (DListed)
A foursome isn’t just for golfing and bridge? (EvilBeet)
Sly, stylin’ (GabbyBabble)
Brigitte Nielson is looking younger (GoFugYourself)
Get your Bieber Babies! (HaveUHeard)
Michael Bolton is the Rodney Dangerfield of show pony has-beens (INeedMyFix)
Catching up with Bristol Palin’s favorite show (IBBB)
Oh holy Jeebus, even Hilary Duff has a book deal (JustJared)
This will be some actress’s lowest career point (MovieLine)
Baby Buble (PerezHilton)
B from the block (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
Backney! (PoorBritney)
The Mysteries of Minnelli (PopBytes)
Jon’s got a Ham in his pants (SeriouslyOMG)
And special bonus links:
What we have here is a failure to communicate: Comments vs no comments; the eternal argument
Bukowski: the worst hangover: (warning, this is NSF Peace of Mind)
Harry Potter and the Homework of Vengeance: A GOOD story about spammers
And I’m selling this link service, so if you run a gossip blog, jump on this bandwagon now by leaving me a comment. When I have five subscribing blogs, the price will go up. That’s what you call high-pressure tactics. I read it on JohnChow.com. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with an imaginary bartender.
Attention, Stalkers! raincoaster UNMASKED at SMCYVR!
Ha! Little does she know, my alien leaders have given me an EXCELLENT disguise for tonight’s Meet the Geek dinner from Social Media Club Vancouver. I may even get my tentacles did! We don’t have dessert on the menu for tonight (because nobody I know eats it anymore!) but I was thinking of bringing some of these:
In case you're wondering: yes, THEY ARE BAD FOR YOU
Or perhaps one of these:
Or this one?
octopus cake, what does it look like?
Operation Global Media Domination: the Divine Situation
As I’ve mentioned elsewhere online, there is the very slight chance that this could go to my head:
raincoaster is a god. Hire her. Immediately.
In related news, I think I’ve sent out about 700 emails today from three different email addresses, plus Facebook invitations for another 500 or so, for two different events. Oh wait: THREE different events.
Event #1 is the Social Media Club of Vancouver’s Meet the Geek dinner this coming Tuesday which, if you’re in Vancouver, you really shouldn’t miss. It’s a custom menu in a private dining room underneath Blood Alley, to raise money to help finish the Downtown Eastside social media documentary With Glowing Hearts. The film-makers and some of the stars will be in attendance, as will some of Vancouver’s finest geeks, who will be happy to demystify the world of tech over a plate of good nosh. If you ask nicely, they might even give you a peek at their iPads.
Event #2 is The Shebeen Club’s Going Pro: Getting Real in the Writing World with Sylvia Taylor on Monday, the 27th (a week later than usual). This month, we’ll have a restaurant all to ourselves as we move to the Everything Cafe on Pender Street. Sylvia will talk about the issue of professionalism and approaching your literary career as a business, which is particularly necessary in an economic climate like ours.
Event #3 is raincoaster media’s full day Social Media for NonProfits workshop that I’m teaching with Wes Regan of Building Opportunities With Business. This is the one that helps me keep a roof over my head. Which one did I do last? That’s right.
In also-related news, today I was interviewed by Gillian Shaw of the Vancouver Sun about the Meet the Geek dinner and her post should be up tomorrow online and hopefully in the paper this Saturday, and tomorrow it’s going to be on Breakfast Television as well. So, now I just have two more blog posts to do and then I can go to bed.
Oh, one more thing: Eight people on four continents all send me this with “Saw it and thought of you” comments. Let no-one say I don’t have a strong brand identity.
After seeing the success of the Old Spice commercials the mighty and terrible Cthulhu decided to sell his own scented products. Great Old Spice body wash; stop thinking in only four dimensions.
Flamewars of the Anklebiters!
You think Chihuahuas are vicious? You think they’re yappy? You think they’re neurotic? You haven’t met their owners.
Our latest flamewar comes to us from Gawker, where it grew from a post about the nutbag hoarder who dropped off 43 of the little fanged mutants at the Victoria SPCA.
See, here’s where I think deportation is a great idea. I would round up every fucking rat dog in san diego and demand to see their papers. Those without valid visas would be put in a dump truck and poured off a bridge 1′ south of the midline of the rio grande. Any that swam north would be shot for trying to re-immigrate.
I love dogs, but hate rats. And I’ve never yet seen any evidence that Chiuahuas belong in the former category. Reply
@m4ximusprim3: You don’t love dogs. Reply
m4ximusprim3 promoted this comment
@m4ximusprim3: If you want to come off as tactless and juvenile there are 3 things to make fun of: a person’s name; their accent; their dog. I’m sure you’re a rugged, woodsy outdoor type with a pair of all-American retrievers you hunt with regularly. We’re not all so manly, or have something to compensate for, so please try to be more understanding. Also, the last I knew, they allow chihuahuas at Westminster, and I’d say the AKC is a better arbiter of what is and isn’t a dog than you. Replym4ximusprim3 promoted this comment@bunzah_steele: Taxonomy and practicality are separate issues. Tomatoes and squashes are technically fruits, but you won’t find them in any fruit salads. Chihuahuas are technically dogs, but they don’t perform any of the activities normally associated with dogs, besides possibly barking.
I’m not saying you can’t love them, I’m saying they’re closer to trembly mole creatures than any practical definition of a dog. And if I had my way, they’d get cleared the hell out of san diego, where they’re ubiquitous as purse dogs and generally quite annoying. Reply
@bunzah_steele: And I’m against hunting on principle. If you want to take down a deer, you should have to fight it with a knife so the deer has a chance. Reply@m4ximusprim3: The purpose of chihuahuas is to be companion animals – particularly in the city, a task at which they excel. In that respect I’d say they are eminently practical. It’s not like they’re some breed developed 400 years ago in Scotland to hunt something now extinct that people continue breeding so they can parade it around to enhance their self image. How many people own mastiffs or sheepdogs that live the same life as any pampered sissy chihuahua? Incidentally, I’ve only been mocked with the tired “rat” putdown twice while walking my dogs, but this is New York and there are plenty of small dogs here because it makes sense to have a small dog in a small apartment. If San Diego is so terribly overrun, maybe YOU should get the hell out. Something to consider. Reply@m4ximusprim3: You want to know something that will probably make you go batshit crazy and have a fit in which you writhe around, froth at the mouth and bite the furniture? Yes? Well, many many small dogs are actually bred in Mexico and smuggled over the border and sold either on the street or in so-called “pet shops”. Happy now? Reply@m4ximusprim3: I’m a dog handler, and work with a number of different breeds of dogs. And chihuahuas are definitely dogs. I’ve seen them swim, hunt (butterflies), wrestle, play fetch, and do tricks. Like many small dogs they crave human companionship and attention somewhat more than large dogs. They are not particularly like rats, which my tiny poodle enjoys killing. Reply@m4ximusprim3: hey if I had MY was San Diego would get cleared out of Cali. Good thing we don’t always get what we want! Reply@m4ximusprim3: Max, you know what, if you got a little dog to take care of, say someone you know and like asked you to take care of their tiny dog just for a week, a weird thing would happen, you’d start to like this dog and find out the endearing qualities, and you’d see small dogs in a whole new way, and the reason I can tell this is because you defended bambi so you have a soft heart after all. Hahaha. Reply@m4ximusprim3: I never used the term “fucking,” advocated killing or used right wing anti-immigrant language in anything I wrote right out of the gate. So I think you win the vehemence award (a sash of rotting sardines). Your post was nasty, offensive and not funny. Practically everything mean you wrote was before I posted a word. So don’t blame it on me. OK, troll fed. Good night! Reply@m4ximusprim3: They’re doing more or less the same thing with humans.
But Chihuahua people are “fragile,” so behold the hate you get for saying this.
Chihuahuas are horrible, virtually untrainable, dumb knicknacks with teeth and bad tempers. They are pets for people who don’t actually like, you know, PETS. Reply
@m4ximusprim3: “Trembly mole creature.” Exactly! Reply@raincoaster: I think you’ve gotten to the heart of the issue- it’s really the Chihuahua people I hate, not their hairless, yapping charges.
Also, how on earth have I not hearted you before? We agree on virtually everything.
Rectified! Reply
@m4ximusprim3: Sorry, but I have to comment.
I have a 2 year old long-haired chihuahua named Charlie. Not only does he barely ever bark, he is a loyal, fun, clean DOG. I go on 15km runs all the time and he always keeps up. He’s not some little purse dog who yaps at everyone.
So to generalize like that is very insulting. Reply
@raincoaster: Love at last! At least something good came of this. Replyraincoaster promoted this comment@bunzah_steele: It’s great that you’re not defensive and high-strung. Because that would only reinforce what I’d said. Reply@raincoaster: And it’s refreshing that you’re not brutal, nasty, contemptuous and thin-skinned. Anybody can see from your posts in this thread that your humor is a marvel of droll subtlety. Reply@m4ximusprim3: wow, I have no idea what kind of cats you see. Reply@bunzah_steele: What, you didn’t know all of that already? Don’t you have teh googlez where you live? Reply@raincoaster: Oh right. You’re FAMOUS. I have to read your book. Reply@raincoaster: Oh, and drowning in cash, by the looks of your site. Reply@raincoaster: I swear I hit the damn pencil 24 times in 2 browsers and everything I could think of to cancel that mean one. I’m really sorry. Reply@bunzah_steele: No worries. If I couldn’t take a hit now and again I’d get off the internet.
Besides, if I’m famous for anything, it’s my impecuniousness! Reply
@raincoaster: Seriously, that video was the perfect humorous kiss-off and I hail your wit and timing. Reply@bunzah_steele: Thanks. See? What did I say? GROUP HUG! Reply@bunzah_steele: I assume you know about this site:
The Tomb of the Chihuahua Pharaohs Reply
@raincoaster: Yes, a friend sent it to me long ago. It’s pretty normal compared The Chihuahua Kingdom, which no longer exists. That was a site run by a husband & wife who had like 20 dogs living in individual plush cuevas, arranged like a subdivision. While they came off as very knowledgeable and responsible dog owners, the site was set up around a medieval castle theme, with sections like the Court of Learning and a Bridge of Remembrance. They had pretty good dog-rearing info nonetheless and this was back when I had my first chi. Then one day there was a message to the effect of “My wife, having assumed the identity of Steve on the site, has assumed it in real life. We are seeking immediate counseling and will be back when she is normal.” Which apparently never happened. So you’re right, chihuahua owners can be a fragile bunch, something I demonstrated myself. I’m still thoroughly abashed at my own ankle-biting with you, I guess it’s true that dog owners eventually start behaving like their pets! Of course, I’m all yours if you let me lick the paté knife. Reply@bunzah_steele: Oh my. That’s a wonderful story: I live for that sort of thing.
I had a border collie. Not sure what that says about me, except that I couldn’t take her near the playground because she would bite at the ankles of the kids in an attempt to herd them up the slide.
No worries. Getting into these kinds of spats is more or less what the comments section here is FOR, and nobody as equal-opportunity offensive as me goes long without getting up somebody’s nostrils.
raincoaster 