Category Archives: goth

Mugshot of the Day

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I am unsure whether this is some new emo style thing or whether this woman designs connect-the-dots puzzles for a living and just! cant’! stop! working!

In either case, this is unquestionably the best mugshot of the day. This is the kind of picture that Johnny Depp flips through Match.com to find, you just know it.

emo mugshot

emo mugshot

Before you click over to DListed and TheSmokingGun to find out what she was arrested for, how about putting your guesses down in the comments section? I say she’s a Latvian mail order bride, arrested for murdering her 18-year-old, mother’s basement-dwelling husband with one of his own collector’s Civil War rifles.

This is a Blogathon post. Don’t just sit there, SPONSOR ME!

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Everyone needs an editor!

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Literati are perhaps the least respected of professionals. Oh, sure, every doctor gets hit up at parties for a snap diagnosis freebie (Miss Manners’ advice? Reply “certainly, now if you’ll just disrobe I’ll examine you.” Hey, it WOULD liven up a party) but how many of them get “I’ve always been good with cutlery, probably would make a pretty snappy surgeon, doncha think?”

Writers? Editors? Every feeb who knows the alphabet has internalized that old “Everyone has one novel in them.” Yeah, maybe. But whoever said that (Confucius? Hesiod? Boccaccio? I wanna give that man a swiftian kick in the legpit region, I’m telling you) was careful not to claim it would be a good novel. Or even a novel one.

You see what I’m getting at here?

Few indeed are even the true the classics of literature that couldn’t be improved by the judicious exercise of editorial oversight. Think, for instance, how much better most of Thomas Hardy would be with a restrained sprinkling of snappy musical numbers.  Think of how much more eagerly students would tear through The Canterbury Tales if they were a Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys mystery instead. Think: The Gulag Archipelago With Zombies.

Oh hey…

Where was I? Right, editors and improvement. Longtime readers of the ol’ raincoaster blog (for what crime can this be the inhuman sentence? I ask yez) will be aware that we at raincoaster HQ have long cherished a fondness for the old-fashioned Yankee consumptive Howard Phillips Lovecraft; fewer, however, will realize that in addition to being a talented author of eldritch tales™ Lovecraft was also an editor and collaborator of prolixity and profound talent.

Climb with us into the Wayback Machine, set the dial for “Arkham,” and behold the birth of a career:

Young Lovecraft

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Why Online Dating Never Works Out

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Because this is where it starts, people. And it doesn’t get any prettier from there.

On the plus side, he does say you can still fuck other guys when you’re dating him. Because…well…you’d probably prefer to.

Quiz: which creature of the night are you?

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Awww, they grow up so fast. I remember when she was no more malevolent than a fluffy bunny!

My favorite Q/A combo: 10 e:

  • If a tree falls in the forest, does anyone hear?
  • Is the tree on fire? Please tell me the tree is on fire!

I must admit, my Cthulhu Spawn score is shockingly low, but I attribute this to my response to a car breakdown. I mean, everybody knows that wild woodland sex fixes cars. Which reminds me to get an unreliable car…and a boyfriend.

Which creature of the night are you?

Your Result: Demon
 

Your raging id needs no chemical incentive to break out into a fiery orgy of destruction. When you’re not burning, you’re brooding. All you need is someone to point the way out for you.
Cthulu Spawn
 
Vampire
 
Incubus/Succubus
 
Sorceror
 
Werewolf
 
Ghost
 
Which creature of the night are you?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

dances with fish

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Eat your heart out, Kevin Costner! Stolen from Defamer, here are two dancing with fish videos, American style. I believe you’ve all seen it done English style, yes? There is also (in escalating order of insanity) the Filipino fish dance, the Nigerian fish dance, Greek fish dance, Brazilian fish dance, the Nine Inch Nails Nation fish dance, and the traditional Naked Canadian fish dance.

First, robotically-enhanced animated anime figure Olivia Munn from Attack of the Show, trying and failing to perform a sexy duet with (in order) a trout (doesn’t look that old to me), a salmon (no word on if it was pink), and, in her pièce de résistance (and longtime readers will have seen this – so to speak – coming), a Squid.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Next up, a long-forgotten starlet shimmys with another cold fish in this clip from the transcendant Vixen by that Leonardo of schlock, Russ Meyers.

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Violence. The word and the act. While violence cloaks itself in a plethora of disguises, its favourite mantle still remains – sex. Violence devours all it touches, its voracious appetite rarely fulfilled.